Wuv…Twu Wuv...

I want to talk to you about marriage tonight!

It is really hard.

Thank you for stopping by.

:-)

Just kidding!

Marriage is really hard.  But it is also really tough.  kidding again!  It is also really amazing.  The hubby and I are approaching 17 years of wedded bliss-ish-ness.  And I feel compelled to tell you the secrets we've picked up along the way that make it a pretty awesome endeavor.

I joined hands with my beloved at the age of 22.  I was so young.  I had no clue.  I hadn't learned to cook, balance a checkbook, or fight fair at that age.  And yet, I stood in a big dress and made promises that I had no idea how to keep.

We've lived on a couple of different continents, given birth (okay, that was mostly me) to four baby boys and adopted one sassy little Chinese girl.  We've given the term "home" to a scary non-soundproof apartment (very sorry, downstairs neighbors…we were newlyweds!), better apartments, a tiny little home, and our current two story that we moved into twice thanks to a tornado.

It is strange when you think about it.  When you marry someone, you make promises to them.  You promise to love them no matter where you live, how much money you have, how insane your kids make you, and regardless of all the other circumstances.  You declare that your body will only belong to that person for the rest of your lives.  You agree to adventure together, to support each other, and fight to the death to defend each other.  You are each others "safe place", "home".

I credit my beautiful and complicated marriage to a God that captured my heart before my eyes ever settled on my heartthrob.  I'm not at all implying that an amazing marriage isn't possible if you don't meet God first.  In all honesty, God can make marriage beautiful at any point.  You take a risk when you do it backwards.  But I've met so many inspiring couples that found Jesus together…down the road.

So, to wrap it up:
My most important elements of a satisfying marriage…

Travel the same Spiritual Road!

You like how I did that???  We're totally in the car in this picture…  Seriously, it makes it so much easier when a couple is on the same page with their faith!  From, "let's pray at dinner", to "let's give 10% back to God"  It is so much more enjoyable when you don't even need a conversation…you already agree.

Adventure Together!

He is a nature lover, I am a luxury hotel lover.  We compromise often and I allow him to pull me out of my comfort zone all the time!  Except for that one time when we were camping with the kids in Yellowstone and our tent had ice on it.  I'm never doing that again!  I mean it!  Never!

Laugh!  Joke! Smile!

It is okay to be silly…even in public…even when you feel too old.

Date Each Other!

When my husband comes home from work, he has to dig through enough kids to run a small sweatshop.  I look a bit haggard at times and our conversations get interrupted approximately 800 times.  When we date each other, I get to dress up all sexy for him and pay attention to ONLY him!  And when those gorgeous blue eyes are focused on me, I go from "mommy" to "woman" in 60 seconds!

Kiss!  Make Out!  Have lots of Sex!

I'm confident that my kids don't read this blog.  Otherwise, I would not risk giving them a stroke by including this.  But I'm serious.  We kiss more now than we ever have.  I spend time, money, and effort on being the only thing on his mind.  I think when the sex dies, the marriage suffers.  So, we put that as a top priority in our marriage.  We always have…we always will.

Go to the high school Homecoming dance!

(and totally take your kids)

You have to admit…it is a pretty effective abstinence message!  :)  I know not everyone can do this.  But, you can let your spouse know that their work is important to you.  Celebrate it, ask about it, support it!!

If you decide to raise a herd, do it with all of your heart!

Don't let kids come between you, and don't leave them out.  Delicate balance, my friends.

Show up every day…even if you don't "feel it"!

It is a marathon, not a sprint.  If you are having an especially difficult day with your spouse, imagine getting a call that they are no longer on this earth.  That will shake you into your right mind.  There are days when I feel like banging my head on a wall, but when it is all said and done, I could never do life without this guy by my side.  He is my rock.  He is my love.  He is my home.

What is Love?

 

I decided to ask my family about their thoughts on love.  Enjoy…and feel free to add your own ideas.

 What is Love?
"Love is a version of respecting someone.  It is forgiveness.  I'm not exactly sure what else."
What does Love look like?
"Not fighting with brothers."  "Love is a relationship between two or more people."  "Like, you can love someone in marriage, or you can love your family, or you can love a community."

What is Love?
"Love is when you like somebody... and they love you back."
What does love look like?
"You and Dad…because you guys kiss each other."

What is Love?
"Love is nice.  Love is helping people and caring for people.  Love is loving God."
What does love look like?
"Love is a really powerful thing in your heart.  Also, you guys, mom and dad…I can see that you love us…every time you tuck us into bed.  Love is also adopting kids that need homes."

What is Love?
"Caring about people, saying thanks, giving hugs and kisses."
What does love look like?

"Like you and dad kissing."

What is Love?
"Hug, Kisses"
What does love look like?
"A mommy daddy"

If Toby could talk, he would say that love is, "Being allowed in the house even after repeatedly running away, large treats, and kids tucking him in on the couch with a blanket."

What is Love?
"Love is sacrifice.  It is giving up something you want to keep, in order to give it to someone else.  It is placing value on someone other than yourself."
What does love look like?
"Love looks like my husband when he holds our newly adopted and traumatized daughter and says…"WE ARE DOING THIS!"  Love looks like my kids when they hop off my lap to make room for an orphan.  And they give up a piece of what is theirs to make her family.  Love looks like my friends when they show up daily to do life with me.  They allow me to share brokenness and joy with them.  Love looks like my parents fighting for the sanctitiy of marriage for 42 years now.  And love looks like a Holy and perfect God giving up His son to save my broken life.

 What is Love?
"Love is an intense desire to think of another person above yourself."
What does love look like?
"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not boast, it is not full of pride. Love never fails."

Abortion Holocaust?

I just read something on facebook today that broke my heart.  Apparently, there is a war of words between daddy Duggar (yes...the one with 19 kids) and pro-choice groups.
Allegedly, Mr. Duggar referred to the high numbers of abortions as an abortion holocaust.

Unless we've been sheltered from history, we all know that "Holocaust" typically refers to the Jewish Holocaust during WWII.  During this incredibly sad period of time, under the abominable leadership of Hitler, many Jews were forced to live in hiding until they were found and taken to work camps and murdered.  This was a violent ripping apart of family units.  The Nazis were not respecters of gender or age.  Young and old, male and female, were targeted.  I cry when I allow myself to think of the fear they endured.

Hearing abortion linked with the word Holocaust could make sense as semantics go.  The dictionary defines a holocaust as, "a mass slaughter of people".  And babies are people.  So, it would logically follow that the mass slaughter of babies is, in fact, an Abortion Holocaust.

However,

I feel like a little bit of a broken record here...any maybe everyone is tired of my views.  But here they are anyway...;)

 I am a supporter of LIFE.  My heart hurts over the brokenness of abortion.  And I will tell everyone that listens that I support LIFE.  I have put myself in several situations that make it obvious that I support LIFE.  However, if I had a platform (like the Duggars do) I would NEVER throw out language like "abortion holocaust" Abortion is born out of sin and darkness.  It is believing the lie that ending a pregnancy is an easy fix without lingering emotional and physical pain.  But there are better ways to support LIFE than to throw out judgements.  That's why people dislike christians.  That's why the "world" doesn't want to talk to us when they face unplanned pregnancies like these.  Would you share your brokenness with someone calling you a murderer?  Do we want to be part of helping someone make a healthy choice for their body, heart, and soul?  Then, we can't stand ABOVE them and think we'll have an impact.  I'm so insanely tired of the self-righteous approach to this issue.

When my kids are doing something I don't agree with, how do I handle it?  Do I stand in another part of the house and scream, "YOU ARE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE!!!"  NO!  That would not be part of my parenting package.  Instead, I go to where my children are.  I walk to them.  I don't yell at them to come to me.  I kneel down in front of them so my eyes are a little lower than theirs.  Isn't that the posture of someone in trouble?  Aren't their eyes cast downward?  I want them to see me.  I want them to know that my truth comes with heavy doses of love and expectation.

How can we impact the world unless we go to them.  How can we show Jesus unless we lower ourselves.  We are all broken and sinful people.  Some of us have had the complete fortune of knowing God's grace.  That's the only difference between us.  We certainly didn't get there on our own.  So, why in the world would we try to SHAME them with negative language?  Abortion is a choice made by broken people in awful situations.  It is not okay.  It is not an answer.  But, for the love of all that is Holy, can we agree that anything other than Love is a waste of time.  The lost and lonely can argue and find fault with everything else.  But when we approach them with love, well... I'm gonna throw it back to Jesus on this one.

1 Corinthians 13:13
"Three things will last forever-- faith, hope, and love-- and the greatest of these is LOVE!

Is anybody with me???

So you want to be a parent...

My kids are home from school today.  It is brilliant planning by the school system.  Schedule an in-service day on the day after trick-or-treating.  I know, I know...the teachers are saying, "It is STILL a work day for us."  And I agree.  But, see...I've been a teacher.  I've been through in-service days.  So, I know that while you must sit through meetings and try desperately to stay awake. (or grade papers on the sly)  You also get to sit in the quiet, use your brain for the greater good, eat lunch out with your friends, and GET PAID!  LOL  I love you, teacher friends!!!

Over here in crazy land, it is a completely different scene. 

Will the police come if the domestic dispute is between five siblings?

The kids are so jacked up that even the 70lb dog is hiding.

I wouldn't trade a minute of my life with anyone.  Yes, I actually ran through a few names to make sure that statement was accurate.  If I gave up the insanity, I'd also give up the joy.

I recently saw some tweets from a young girl about her intense desire to have "BABIES".

I shut down my phone and shook my head.  "People have no idea what parenting is really about."

But then I remembered that NEITHER DID I!

I was that girl fifteen years ago.  I'm sure there were plenty of people shaking their heads at me.  You know what I thought parenting was about before having kids?  I thought it was about dressing them in cute clothes and taking them places.  Yeah...I was an idiot.

It has taken me fourteen years to learn what parenting is about and I know I have years of growing and learning to go.  If I could tell the young version of me anything about what was to come...I would keep my big mouth shut!  :)  'Cause I wouldn't want to freak my young self out!

The idea of holding five fragile lives in my hands is almost too much for me to process even now.  They each have unique personalities and interests.  Some days they make me so proud.  And other days they make me think I've failed.  How could I have had the courage to take that on if I knew what was coming.  The details...oh, the details.  One hates peanut butter, one loves skinny jeans.  One has fears that I'll never fully understand, and one lives to PUSH EVERY BUTTON YOU HAVE.  One loves justice, another lives with his foot dangling across "the line." The meals, the laundry, the messy rooms, the messy life, the noise, the chaos, the toys, the birthdays, the holidays, the cost.

The COST.  What has been the cost of parenting for me?  

I posted a statement on facebook the other day and got some really funny and poignant answers.  I simply wrote:  Parenting is:  and asked people to fill in the blank.  My favorite answer was ...Parenting is: a reason to take up drinking and smoking.  LOL!  I needed that laugh!

But, I got so many reminders of what parenting does for me.  

It refines me.  It takes the selfishness I have and crushes it like an avalanche.  It forces me to think of someone else before myself.  It has pushed me to look at people differently.  The old me would have judged people by the way they dress, or talk.  The parent in me realizes that those differences are a gift. And lets be honest.  It has actually made me a little bit more amazing.  The old me would require complete silence to write a blog post.  I just wrote this one while the dog ran in circles under my desk, two kids had a sword fight and there are two devices playing different songs in the background.  

For those of you that have already raised teenagers, DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT tell me what's coming at me! ;)  I'd rather stay blissfully in the dark!  

She's got the whole world in her hands

Last night there was a baseball game.

It played in the background...like a soundtrack in a movie.

I cannot recount for you any of the details of the game because I missed the entire thing.

I can, however, tell you what went down in front of the screen.

Birthday party planning for a child that has been 10 shades of emotional.  Half the time she is saying, "Happy Irtday coming" and the other half of the time she is crying and telling me not to sing "happy birthday to you" at her party.  All of this is peppered with the constant phrase, "no bye bye, mama!"

Local law enforcement was on the case pointing out the wrong doings of the rest of the clan.  This one believes in citizen arrests.  Which leads to SCREAMING!

E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L middle schooler...  (yeah...that's all I'll say about that)

"Mom, I REALLY want to write a book about Abraham Lincoln.  I need to do it RIGHT NOW.  What do you know about him?  Do you have any pictures from his life?"  (ummmm, for realz?)

"Mom, I peed in my bed last night.  I forgot to tell you."

"Mom?  Are you picking me up from basketball?"

"The dog ran away again."

"WHO STOLE MY RAINBOW LOOM NECKLACE??????"  (accusing all siblings!)

"Hey mom, Tomorrow is generational day at school.  I need an old man costume." (at 9:30pm)

"I'm out of lunch money."  "I forgot to turn in my homework"  "I hit my head on a brick outside, am I bleeding?"  "I need help on my homework."  "I'm supposed to read this to you."

"WHAT'S FOR DINNER?"

And to top it all off, because my daughter has spina bifida and lacks the ability to get her poo out by herself, it was time for her enema...which she totally loves...NOT!

You might be thinking, "Isn't she married?  Where is her husband in all of this?"  While he is an EXCEPTIONAL partner in all of this madness, he is also incredibly busy keeping the food and shelter thing going.

The thing is, when it finally got quiet...and all of the people were in bed...

I snuck up and walked into their rooms.  I leaned over and kissed all five foreheads.  I thought about how important each life is.  And I realized that if their chaos disappeared, my heart would die.

Baseball doesn't have the same effect on me. :)

So, tonight while the Cards and Sox face off again, I will no doubt be entrenched in the same brand of crazy.  But, I am blessed with perspective.  I know the days are long and the years are short.

Thank you, God, for the little people in my life!

Obedience!

I have noticed a resounding theme lately.  I'm pretty sure there is a reason that the topic of obedience keeps cropping up.  For me, obedience is a tricky issue.  In my heart, I WANT to do what God wants me to do.  But, the act of following in faith is not always easy.  And I'll be honest.  I often look at the price tag first.  In this way, I am just like my dog.  Yes.  My dog!  He has ONE trick, people.  We have tried over and over to teach him some fancy new stuff.  But, he prefers to stick to what he knows.  He knows how to shake.  He lifts his cute little paw up for a shake and waits excitedly for a treat.  I have given this trick a slightly different slant by calling it a "high-five" sometimes...just so it looks like my dog has two tricks instead of one.  But lets be honest...he's not an overachiever.

And yet...he comes at me all slobbery and growly begging for a treat.  I walk him to the pantry, pull out a bone and without being asked, he sticks that paw up in the air in anticipation.  He is super proud of this trick.  I'm sure there is a smile there underneath the large teeth.

So....can I have one?

NAILED IT!!!!!!..........AGAIN!

And...DONE!

But here's the problem.

I don't want to be my dog.

When God tries to teach me something new...I want to learn.  I want to try, even if it is new, scary, and I could possibly fail.  I don't want Him to look at me and say, "Child, there is so much more I want to teach you, but you HAVE. TO. FOLLOW. ME!

When we were pursuing Esther through adoption, I was completely unsettled.  I don't necessarily like that feeling.  But, when I am unsure, it allows God to show that He IS sure.  He isn't asking me to know everything already.  He isn't leaving me out there alone.  He has promised to walk with me every step.  And He has gone a step further and told me in His word that he is EXPECTING me to try new, crazy and radical things for Him.

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us new in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

I want to be obedient.  I want to drop the excuses like:  I'm too busy, too tired, too old, too crabby, too broken, too scarred, too scared.

I feel like God is asking me to get on board with something He wants to do.  It sounds insane to me and it makes perfect sense.  I feel like God is asking me to look into buying a house and setting it up for 2-3 young single moms and their kiddos.  It would be a safe, non-sketchy, place to have "HOME" where I would throw resources in such as: parenting help, cooking classes, family nights, financial planning, etc...  It would be a safe place to get on your feet while learning family skills that might not have been part of your own childhood package.

And when I say that I feel like God is asking me to do it, I mean...God is telling me to do it, people!  So, once again, I find myself in a situation that is uncomfortable and scary.  Ummm, first of all...I don't have money to buy a house.  And I know that this plan will require people with skills I don't possess.  But, I am committing to pray about it and see what doors God opens with it.

It would be a lot easier for me to say, "Here, God...here is my paw shake!  I can do that one really well!  Why do you want me to learn to roll over?"  God loves my paw shake.  He taught me how to do it.  But, He showed me that human obstacles are nothing to the King that can move mountains for His family.  So He wants to ask something new of me.

Friends, I know there are so many of you that have been loyal readers.  I know it is because you see your own journey in these words.  I hope I can adequately express the struggle and the victory.  Today I am asking that you would join with me in prayer.  I can't do anything great without God and YOU!  Please pray for God's direction in this.  I am hesitant to put this out there, because then I can't hide it in my heart any longer.

But life is short.  And I'm no longer interested in the tiny treat.
My heart's desire is to just obey the master!

Unhinged!

Yes!  last night I lost it!  Unhinged doesn't even cover it!  I'm pretty sure I started yelling about socks littering the floor, pee all over the bathroom, book bags and lunch boxes strangling the life out of my very bones.

Oh, who was I yelling at?  Anyone that would listen.  Which left me and my tirade alone in the kitchen.  All the smart people jumped ship and ran to their rooms.  Except my poor husband.  He grabbed the mop bucket in a brave attempt to end my one act play.  Way to take one for the team, honey!

Have you ever had the feeling that you KNEW you were acting crazy and that you'd regret it in four minutes...but you kept going anyway?  Yeah...that was me!

Of course, I knew why I was acting crazy!  It was carefully explained to me a few hours earlier.  Chaos...Noise...

My life is full of it.

Some of it should be kept and some of it should exit the building.  (I know what you're thinking....and the kids get to stay!)

But, I have to say...when I shamefully descended from my soapbox, there were words of truth running through my head.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Those were the words Jesus offered.

And last night, they were my lifeline.  

I am weary.  I am tired.  I need rest.

Do you need rest?  

I want to invite you to be my guest this morning.  I'll even serenade you with a lovely song when you get there.  Well, rock and roll song is first...slow refreshing song is last. ;)

Come and find out the key to real REST!  

Metro Community Church
9am and 10:45am today
www.metrocommunitychurch.com

I can't wait to see you.  And if you have a surefire solution to bathrooms that smell like the urinal at Busch Stadium, PLEASE, people...stop holding out on me!!!!!

Love and all that stuff,

jill

How can you bring a child into this crazy world?

This was the question I heard multiple times immediately after the September 11th attacks.  Interestingly, I was also seven months pregnant at the time.  I understood the question, but I couldn't help but think, "ummm, give birth.  Cause this beast isn't staying in here forever!".

We all have our own memories of that day.  But, most of them are grounded in fear and sadness.  Too many innocent people died.  Too many lives were changed.  And none of us knew what was coming down the pike.

To be honest, I WAS afraid of bringing another child into a world where planes fly into buildings.  I mean, isn't it bad enough that I have to worry about cancer, and car accidents, and fires, and child molesters.  Now I have to worry about terrorists?????

It is easy to lose perspective.

And what about the lives that were shattered like fragile glass?  How do you pick up the pieces and move forward when you lose a loved one?  I wouldn't even dream of speaking about the path that many people were forced to travel on that day twelve years ago.

But I will speak to the original question.  How can I bring a child into this crazy world?  The past twelve years have provided me with the answer to that.  I eventually gave birth (amidst the fear and subsequent War that followed) to a healthy 9 lb, 9 oz baby boy.  He is a gentle giant.  He has eyes that light up a room, a smile that would melt the ice caps, and a heart that is unmatched.  He is smart, calm, athletic, and loving.

A couple of years ago, two of the boys were playing in the backyard when they were stung by wasps.  My gentle giant came running in to tell me what happened, and while I was screaming and spinning in circles...trying to remember the phone number for 911, I looked over and saw my sweet N!  He was on the couch with his head down and his hands tightly folded...praying!

I have seen him give up his favorite blanket to a brother whose own blankie didn't survive the tornado.  I've seen him fight for the underdog, stand up for what's right and most recently, walk a single mama and her babies out to the car in the rain after church.  There are no words for what I felt in my heart as I saw this now 5'4" young man hold the umbrella carefully over four precious lives.

The answer is:  THIS child adds beauty.  He adds beauty to a fallen and sinful and crazy world.  He makes it a better place.

I am fortunate to know so many more children just like him.  Four others live in my home.  They show me joy, they show me purpose, and they show me what true love looks like.

beauty in a crazy world...

Jesus, love, and same sex marriage? Oh my!

While driving home from a trip a couple of weeks ago, I heard a great lesson from our pastor.  He was talking about how Jesus is "friend of sinners", and how we need to get "out of the salt shaker, and onto the meat." 

 The non-food translation is this: 

 Jesus has some expectations of us.  

If our lives have been changed, and we know it...we are supposed to share that love with the world.  We could easily stay in our safe little bubble and block MTV (what??? OK!  We can't afford cable.  Our kids eat too much food!)  Or, keep our kids from "those WORLDLY people." And only attend church functions with church people with church smiles, and church clothes.  Except...Jesus had a word for those people and it wasn't "homies."  It was Pharisees.  The problem with excluding yourself from the world is that you might start forgetting that you were the "world" too.  Judging others might get a little more comfortable.  And your heart might stop beating for people with broken hearts and empty places...and beat instead for  your own glory.

So, as soon as the teaching was over, I shut down the Metro App (No, i didn't get paid for that plug) and I opened up my messages.  I sent a text to our pastor's wife.  

"I was listening to Paul's message, and the thought hit me...if Jesus is friend of sinners, and I'm supposed to be salt to a decaying world...Would Jesus go to a gay wedding?" I simply asked.

Her response:  "You are the most random person I know!  That's why I love you.  But, Paul is sitting right here.  I asked him your question and he said...."

I know!  Right?  WHAT DID HE SAY?  Well, I'm sure if you ask him, he will give you the same answer he gave me.  But, since I didn't ask his permission to share...I'm conflicted on whether or not I should share it.  So I won't tell you what he said.  I will just say that he gave a one word response and it rhymes with "bless".

Let me stop you right there.  Before you start thinking we've all gone off the deep end and wondering how long it will be before my husband sees my blog and demands that I remove it and all the controversial content included...please hear this.

On Wednesday night, the church (that's the people, not the building) got together to collectively pray and remember what a sacrificial gift we were given through Jesus and the cross.  If you were there, you know that it was a very powerful night.  God was present.  And I had the best seat in the house.  I had the privilege of looking out at a sea of faces while we worshipped with complete abandon.  Do you know what I saw?  I saw beauty.  I saw a group of redeemed people.  I saw love, and acceptance, and love and grace.  I saw hands lifted in surrender, and praise, and gratefulness.  And did I mention LOVE?

I couldn't hold back tears while singing the words, "Oh praise the ONE who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead."

I was DEAD!  And now I'm beautifully alive.  All of the dark and broken parts of me found purpose when Jesus became my life.  I see things in a whole new way.  I don't see a same sex marriage debate.  I see people...that are completely loved by God.  I see that I have no room to stand in judgement because I was once the convicted.  When you remember your place in the courtroom, it humbles you.  And your heart starts to open up to the possibility that maybe...just maybe...you don't have to KNOW everything.  And that the only thing that is required of you is...love.  "Love your neighbor as yourself...unless they struggle with something that isn't Biblical."  NO.  It simply says "love your neighbor as yourself". (Matthew 22:36-40)

I feel a little silly now that I asked Paul that question.  Of course Jesus would go to a same sex wedding.  He would go because it would be an opportunity to shine light into darkness and share the love God has for His people.  He would go there in the same way he met a woman at the well, and kept adulterers from being stoned, and ate dinner with tax collectors, and on and on.

The better question is this:  Would someone in a same sex relationship come to my church.  Would they feel loved?  I sure hope the answer to that question is yes.  Because if its not yes, then you might not find Jesus there either.

Food for thought...

Shocking!

My home is filled with "envelope pushers"  These people range in age from two to fourteen.  I may not have them twerking on my kitchen table (yet) but they love to see how far they can take something before mom or dad shuts it down.

Enter Miley Cyrus.  That girl is all anyone can talk about this week.  Quite simply, I think we are giving her too much attention.  What is the old adage?  Even bad attention is attention...
Yes.  I added one to the ticker when I googled the VMAs out of curiosity.  I'm only human, people.

I'll tell you what I saw.  I saw a girl trying to be shocking.

And that's all!  She'll just be an archived story some day.

All of the parent groups getting worked up about her influence over our kids are wasting their time.  Every generation has one of these.  In my day, it was Madonna.

In my opinion, it requires a 15 minute talk...TOPS about how we shouldn't twerk in public with guys the same age as our dads.  Or, you could take my route and just not have MTV in the house.  I know...that is shocking too! ;)

In my opinion, THIS picture should be getting more attention.

Why isn't my facebook feed FILLED with blogposts about Syria?  Why are we more concerned over a misguided girl than the murder of children??????  This is shocking to me.  This breaks my heart!  Our president is putting together a plan to deal with this social injustice.  Do we realize what this means?  I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend time talking with my children about how to make a difference in ways that count.  My babies are waking up in a safe home, with plenty of food, security, and hope for their future.  Not all children are so fortunate!

Can we stop talking about a silly girl with oversized teddy bears and focus on what really matters?  People are DYING!  Sweet little boys in soft pajamas were gassed to death as they slept.  This is the stuff that should occupy our thoughts.

I think that instead of writing a "letter to Miley" I'll write a letter to the lost children of Syria.
I'll tell them that I'm sorry their lives were cut short.  I'm sorry they will never go to college, or get married, or have kids of their own.  I'm sorry that while I was sitting in comfort, they were becoming casualties of a fallen world.

There is a difference between silly and shocking.  Do you see it?

Look past the first glance...

Today I will tell you about one of my biggest sins.  

I judge by first appearances.

And it is usually fueled by my insecurity.

We were at my grandmother's 80th birthday party today.  My very large family was there and we were mingling and catching up.  As I was caught up in conversation, I glanced over and my eyes landed on someone I hadn't met yet.  This particular girl is dating a cousin of mine and though I'd seen pictures of her, I'd never stood in the same room with her.  

She is beautiful!

And suddenly, I felt less than beautiful.  My skirt felt a little too frumpy, my hair felt a little too frizzy, my skin morphed into acne land, and all the flaws bubbled to the surface.  So naturally, I didn't want to like her.  In fact, I decided on the spot that I wouldn't even engage her in conversation.  After all, she had a golden glow, flowing locks, and the hippest clothing in the building.  What would we even have in common?  I was dripping with sweat and trying to keep a two year old from destroying the birthday cake.

And then Jesus called me aside.  

He does that sometimes when I'm acting ugly.  When He sees that my heart is not all that pure...he calls me out.

"She's one of my kids", He urged.  "She's in a room full of people that she doesn't know and you have the chance to welcome her and include her."

"Represent me!" he whispered!  

"I am patient, I am kind. I do not envy.  I do not boast.  I am not proud.  I do not dishonor others.  I am not self-seeking.  I am not easily angered.  I keep no record of wrongs.  I do not delight in evil.  But I rejoice with the truth.  I always protect, always trust, always hope and always persevere."  

"Now go represent me!"

And so I did.

Because I love Jesus.

And because I want to love what Jesus loves.

I started a conversation.  And guess what.  She is LOVELY!  But even if she had been terrible, obedience would have been required.  It turns out that we have a lot in common.  We are both teachers and we both love kids.  We grew up in towns very close to each other and had a wonderful conversation.  I hope she becomes a permanent member of the family soon.  I think she would be a fantastic addition.  But I wouldn't have ever known that if I had allowed my sinful heart to rule.  When I put my insecurity to the side, I was able to see that while this girl is beautiful on the outside, she is also beautiful on the inside.  

Tonight, I will go to bed humbled.  Some of these lessons on following hard after Jesus are difficult.  But I pray that He will continue to invest in me...molding me...and showing me grace.  There is so much I need to know.

Scripture says it best, "

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  1 Corinthians 13:2

The First Day of School Starts at WHAT time?

If you scroll down, you'll see that I've been MIA since June.

  That's because I have five kids, people!

No, seriously...when all of my kids are home, I have to fight for computer time.  I have four Minecraft addicts, and a husband that needs the computer at night for work.

It has been very loud here.  Too loud.  Four boys and one girl can crank out the noise.  I would like to tell you that it has been seven shades of bliss all summer.  But, if trophies were given out for most tattling, most whining, most instigating, and most avoiding work...I'd have to clear the mantle.  It has been wonderful, and it has been hard.  I have smiled and laughed at the jokes, interactions, and conversations.  But, I have hidden in my closet to call AT&T.

Today was the first day of school in our district.  I have two middle schoolers, two elementary kiddos and one babe still at home.  I had a chalkboard ready this morning for a fantastic first day photo op.

Oldest child was up first. He was looking snazzy in his new V-neck tee and khaki shorts.   "MOM!  I don't have time for this.  This is NOT COOL!"  My reply?  "SMILE...please...So I can scrapbook this someday when I get my crap together...and I'll remember that you were sweet and not snarly...'cause you'll be smiling."
He complied...mostly to shut me up.

Child two rolls out of bed and throws on the clean-ish athletic shorts in the corner and a basketball shirt.  "Does this match?"  he asks me.  "Ummmm, sure...they are both in the sport category."  It doesn't matter what color they are.  "Come take your picture with the sign, please."  "Uh, (insert half smile) why are you doing this?" he asked.  "B.E.C.A.U.S.E!  Everyone on facebook will have cute pictures of their kids going to the first day of school.  I have to keep up the act that I've got it all together.  Now pose!"  Click!  Done!  Two down, two to go.

Except, the other two pictures didn't happen.

 Between feeding child #2 and walking him to the bus, I had time for a 15 minute shower/get dressed/dry hair.  After the bus drop off, I ran back to wake up kids # 3 and #4.  Made breakfast, got them ready, made their lunches and calmed first day fears.  Then I ran up to wake child #5, change her diaper, get her dressed, feed her and hit the car with three kids in tow.
The day continued on toward crazyville from there.  I ended up returning from soccer practice tonight to a house full of people from our small group.  As I walked through the kitchen, my laser like mom eyes landed on an item out of place.  "A roll of paper towels and an ice pack can only mean one thing."  In the hour I was gone, someone got hurt.  I sat down next to my husband and asked with a weary sigh, "Who got hurt?"  "Child #2...fell off the skateboard.  His wrist hurts."

And just like that...The second day of school has hit a snag!

But.  If you offered me another life, I wouldn't take it!  I love being a mom and I love the chaos!  I'm aware that people see my hot buttered mess and wonder how this machine keeps running.  I literally have NO idea!  But I can say one thing for sure.  I am never bored.  And my days are anything but monotonous.  And I know that one day, my kids will be out of my house and I will LONG for these days.

Stay tuned for our next gameshow:  Broken, Fractured or Sprained.

To be continued...

A Rescue Takes More Than a Day

Today was HARD!

E was DIFFICULT!

I am WORN!

My heart is BROKEN!

I had my most difficult confrontation to date with my daughter.  She began the day with a sunny disposition.  But the clouds rolled in just as my mom, E and I were sitting down for lunch at a restaurant.

Those of you that know my daughter are well aware that she is energetic.  She loves to bounce. She loves to jump.  She loves to laugh.  But, at lunchtime, this behavior is not acceptable.  We had already endured a meltdown in front of my grandmother.  E had taken my mom's bracelet and thrown it at an antique dresser and mirror.  In her shock, my mom yelled, "E!!!!"  Don't throw that!  Immediately, E shut down and started clawing at my shirt and buried her head to cry.

So, I wasn't really in the mood for round two.  Guess what...Toddlers don't care!

I sweetly asked E to stop jumping in the booth.  She kept jumping.  I asked again with more authority.  She kept jumping.  I put my hands out, caught her and sat her on her bottom.  "Stop jumping, E!  That is not ok."  I said.

Have you ever watched the Incredible Hulk transform?  Yeah...it was kinda like that.  She closed her eyes, started clawing me, and bit my arm hard enough to bring tears.  I took her out to the van and put her in the seat.  We both needed the fresh air.  Before you start thinking..."She's out of control...she just needs a good spank..."  please know that the thought crossed my mind.  But we made the decision to never spank E.  She has only been with us for 10 months.  For two years of her life, we have no idea what she endured.  We know that she was bruised when she came to us.  She spent the first two months hating me and slapping me in the face with NO EMOTION on hers...just waiting to see if I would hit her.  So NO.  I will not spank her.  I am forced to be more creative with her discipline.

The thing I hold onto is that she eventually feels contrition.  She will come to me on her own...unprompted and say those sweet words...sorry mama.

And today, she did just that.

And while I was standing next to the car waiting for her to calm down and apologize, the thought crossed my mind...Sometimes, a rescue takes more than a day.  We took E out of her broken situation and brought her to a loving family.  We have shown her every day for ten months that she is important, valued, beautiful and loved.  But we cannot erase in a day all of the damage that was done to her heart.  Our rescue of her takes patience, incredible love, and an enormous dose of Jesus.  I love it when people look at my daughter and comment on her beauty.  I love that she inspires others to step out in faith and adopt.  But, the true gift is when the steadfast and unconditional love we feel reminds us of the same qualities God feels for us.  Our rescue from brokenness happened in a moment.  All it took was asking Christ to take control of our sin-filled lives.  But, the actual changing of our hearts can sometimes take time.

If you have given your life to Christ and you are discouraged by a heart that is still in process, please believe me when I say;  Sometimes a rescue takes more than a day.  And if I can muster the energy and strength to love my daughter through her disobedience and trauma, God can walk with us through anything.

So, what is God rescuing you from?  An affair?  Pornography?  Obsession with money? Anger?  Food? Lies?  Drugs? Fear? Anxiety?  Broken relationships?

Isaiah 40:29 is my lifeline tonight.
"He gives strength to the weary (that's me) and increases the power of the weak (that's E)"  Do you need to know this truth tonight?

Love and prayers, friends.

We have so much room for ACTIVITIES

I know I can't endorse the movie...it has a low morality rating.  But, this scene is stuck in my brain and it makes me laugh when i see it!  Will Ferrel's character has an obvious excitement over "activities"  And my mind ALWAYS goes to my husband during this scene.  My hubby LOVES activities.  He grew up on the global scene.  So, he was an expert at navigating international airports by the time he was five.  He isn't happy unless he is busy.  Therefore, it is difficult for him to truly relax.  I, on the other hand, love to chill.  I am happiest when we are sitting around having a snack and chatting about life.  I love being home.  I love game nights, movie nights, sleepovers with the youth group etc...  But, I'm not a lover of going out for activities.  Perhaps it is my hermit nature.  It might even be the five kids that I usually drag with me every time I leave the house.  But, it just sounds like a lot of unnecessary work.  No.  I'm not lazy.  I just see the work involved and the possible nightmare it could be if we fill the minivan and head out.  That's why my husband is the one always signing the kids up for football, basketball, scouts, band, piano, baseball, track, tennis, camps, etc...
They are lucky to have him.  They would be bored if I planned their lives.  Hubby planned a delightful family outing a few weeks ago to Shakespeare in the park.  It was awful.  The kids were loud, didn't understand the play at all, (what?  you speak Shakespearian at your home?)  And the two year old lost it completely when the snacks were gone.  Out of submission and all that is holy in marriage...I kept my mouth shut.  But, inwardly I was thinking,"this is why I hate activities!"
So, I am headed to pick up my second and third sons from camp this afternoon.  There is a sweet program ending the festivities at 4pm.  Hubby has grandly suggested that we pack up the whole herd and go to see an outdoor play tonight...after camp pick-up...after he finishes his work day...after I complete all the laundry...after his doctoral class.  Oh yeah...and let's take a picnic.  My first instinct..."WHAT?  ARE YOU CRAZY?"
But then I remind myself of the obvious.  My husband LOVES "activities".  He loves planning them, executing them, and he isn't even mad when it all falls apart.  Because, in his mind...at least we tried.  At least we set out on an adventure.  And truly...I want my kids to grow up under that influence.  I want them to attempt the seemingly impossible.  I want them to look chaos in the eye and say, "WE LOVE ACTIVITIES!  Even though I will be dreaming of reading my book, I will embrace the late night outing.  Because I am eternally grateful for my husband.  I am in love with his enthusiasm for life and adventure. And because I know that when  if things fall apart, he will help me carry everyone to the car and get the herd safely back home.

Bigstuf

Nothing could have prepared me for the awesomeness of Bigstuf camp!  We were in Panama City Beach, Fl for one week.  The camp takes over a hotel right on the white sand beach for the entire summer.  And churches sign up for one of the eight weeks.  Our church took 200 teens and leaders to the camp this year.  My main impression is that this is what heaven will feel like.  We were surrounded by the beauty of the beach and we spent our days learning about God's love and singing the most beautiful songs.  We got to play in the ocean, build sand castles, have dance parties in our room, laugh, cry, and pray together.  It was surreal.

Our youth director is amazing.  I just have to say that.  I don't know how he handles all of the work on his plate.  He definitely does not have "regular" hours.  Teenagers don't operate on those hours.  But, he does it without complaint and seems to really love his job.  We are blessed!!!
He makes a habit of praying over the rooming situation and refuses to tell anyone their room assignment until we are in the parking lot about to check in.
I'm going to be honest.  I assumed I would end up with the girls I have been with for two years.  They are comfort to me.  I know them well.  I LIKE them. And for some crazy reason, they like me too.  We were all flashing smiles and crossing fingers hoping to be thrown together for the week.  But, as the names were read, all of the girls I know well were assigned to other rooms.  My heart started to pump harder.  "WAIT!  I don't have any of "MY" girls?"  What was our youth pastor doing?
As it turns out, I was given three girls fresh off graduation and one junior that has been to our youth group (fusion) a few times.  I got a little sweaty and started to panic!  They are looking at me like they've just been assigned to prison.  They don't know me at all...I'm guessing they didn't get the room assignment they were hoping for either.  Somehow I can't picture us holding hands and singing Kumbaya anytime soon.

Fast forward to the evening session.  The speaker started talking about the Israelites going into the promised land.  He spoke of their excitement at God's promises.  These people were stoked about what God had planned for them.  And, let's face it, God had built a reputation of faithfulness with this group. They were hanging onto some serious promises.  But, as they crossed the river, they looked ahead and saw....dum dum dum...Jericho!

Most of you know the story.  Joshua was leading the group.  They were a pretty sad looking army.  Joshua felt unqualified for the upcoming battle.  But, God gave him a solid plan.  POWERWALKING!
Joshua and the others were to basically powerwalk around Jericho for seven days blowing horns etc...and the walls would fall down.  If we step back a little, we have to acknowledge that the plan sounds a little flawed.  I mean, seriously, the battle plan was laughable.

Well, I was facing my own Jericho.  God had filled my heart with excitement about Bigstuf, and I had crossed the river, landed on the beach to face something that felt impossible for me.  But, God was using this to humble my heart and remind me that NOTHING good happens without HIM.  In that evening session, I put my pride at His feet and asked Him to take down the walls of Jericho.  I knew I didn't have anything to bring this particular group of girls.  But, God did.  And He was faithful!  The week was amazing.  Friendships were built.  People grew closer to Christ.  One of my girls was baptized, and recommitted her life to God.  My own personal Jericho fell...and it had nothing to do with me.  At the end of the week, I could see how God had put together the entire week because he has an insane love for these girls.  He covered every detail.  It was beautiful!  His crazy pursuit of their lives reminded me of the love He has for me.  And I am overwhelmed.

For those of you praying, THANK YOU!!!  For those of you that aren't sure if this "God thing" is for you, please let me assure you of something.  God works out the tiny details in your life to prove to you that He is there!  He shows up.  He is real.  And he wants the best life for you.  He wants joy for your life.

Bigstuf changed me.  It grew my faith.  And it strengthened relationships with some of the most amazing teenagers and leaders I've ever met!  I can't wait for next year!!!  And I'm even more excited about doing life with these crazy kids.

The girls in my room!

All the junior girls after one of them was baptized.

My sweet friend!  She has an amazing heart!!

My Heart Beats for THIS!!

Jesus and Stinky Feet

Around here, bedtime is a disaster!  It takes forever, and even though I feel like I've just negotiated with bank robbers when its over, I still have three hours of work to do before I can go to bed.

I was tired last night. And since mob mentality usually rules, I decided to split up the crew.  I made up some crazy "stations" game and they bought it with grand excitement.  "What?  Half of us go to snack station, and half of us go to shower and grooming station?  This is the best night ever!"
I know!  Sometimes, they are smarter than me...and sometimes, they are little sheep! :)

I got three of them going on snacks and I took the two youngest boys up to my bathroom.

I am so hesitant to write this next part.  I fear that many of you will look at me differently.  You know how sometimes when you drive a car...you forget to change the oil?  Well, sometimes, I forget to clip my kids' toenails.  Usually I don't bust out the clippers until someone is stabbing holes in their sheets.  I think I just hate feet.  I don't even really enjoy my own.

So, as one of the boys removed his sock...I may have gasped in horror.  I'm not really all that sure my kids even wash their feet.  Based on what I saw under the socks, I'm not sure their feet ever get wet.
(okay, wait...put down your bagel)
We're talking long toenails with dirt under every one.  Sock fuzz was stuck between every toe.  It was just NASTY!

As I grabbed the clippers and set to work on the toes, the thought actually crossed my mind, "Wait!  This is Mother's Day!  Why should I have to do this on Mother's Day?"  This day is about me, my comfort, my praise!

But soon, I felt something happening in my heart.  My eight year old was perched on my sink, and I was carefully clipping toenails and removing dirt.  I grabbed my very special foot scrub and brush, and went the extra mile with a little spa treatment.  He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder.  "Thanks, mom!  That feels really good," he said.  "You're washing my feet just like Jesus washed stinky people's feet."  Yes!  I thought.  Serving is good!

My eleven year old was watching this scene unfold.  He walked up to me and said, "Mom, can you do the same thing to my feet?  It looks fun."

Ahhh!  Lesson learned!

Sometimes, in my Christian walk, I struggle with entitlement.  Why do I have to do the hard stuff, Jesus?  Can't someone else do it?  But, when I truly serve...when it stops being about me...something beautiful happens.  Blessings happen.  The recipient is blessed, and so am I.  And even more amazing than that, is the fact that other people see it.  My eleven year old might not have even wanted me to touch his feet.  And truly...he COULD take care of his own feet.  But, he saw that something gross could actually be quite lovely and he wanted to be part of it.

How are we going to get other people interested in even knowing Jesus, if we don't show them how great he is.  And sometimes, in order to show them, we have to get our hands dirty...and do things we don't exactly enjoy.

This is my mom with Es.

As Mother's Day comes to a close, I must say thank you to the beautiful and loving woman that has raised me.  She taught me the tough lessons on sacrifice and love.  Without her, I would not be the mama that I am today.  She made a delicious meal for me yesterday and she did it with a hip injury.  I'm not going to embarrass her and tell you how she got the injury.  I will only say that we now call her Shaquille O'Neil  and she isn't allowed to play basketball with D-Dog any more.

I love this girl! :)

And I love Jesus for saving my wretched selfish soul and teaching me that servanthood is always better than my own comfort.

Have a beautiful Monday, friends!  And look for opportunities to serve others today.  :)

I'm her mama!

I just read a recent article about the one-child policy in China and it made me sick.   This is not the first piece I've read about the controversial policy.  I've encountered several heart-wrenching books and articles about trash bags full of baby girls that were aborted against their mother's will.  I've read accounts of the infanticide and the sale of baby girls to gangs for sex trade.  And sadly...I know it goes on all over China today.

Maybe it is because Mother's Day is this weekend.  Maybe it is because I am an emotional creature.  Maybe it is because I can't get enough of my daughter's little personality.  But, I have a constant ache in my heart for the children of China that do not have a mama's arms around them right now.

I was running errands yesterday and it was naptime.  My daughter fell asleep in the car, so I transferred her into the carrier and put her up against my chest and carried her through the stores.  I was almost giddy with her warm sleepy body pressed against mine.  I waited so long for her...years, really.  The dream for her was a fourteen year pregnancy.  Don't get me wrong.  My boys are amazing.  I could write books about them.  But, they came from different circumstances.  They were born out of the love between my husband and me.  They have my eyes, his nose, and a history that stretches back to the womb.  They are special.  They are a gift.  I celebrate their awesomeness every day.  And I can't even tell you how amazing it is to have their little hands wrapped around my neck while they laugh, or try to avoid my fat kisses.

But her story is different.  I don't know the circumstances of her birth...or the people that brought her into existence.  But I know that she could have easily become a statistic.  She could have been killed, or  sold, or never discovered in her little box next to a cornfield.  Her life could have been over before it ever had the chance to start.

As I held her yesterday, I actually said out loud, "I love her more than I love myself!"  That kind of love is not even possible without Christ!  Especially if you know how rough our relationship was in the beginning.

The tragic stories that exist will always break my heart.  But, her adoption story will always give me hope.

She was born into a culture that does not value her gender.  But while biology made her a girl...Redemption made her a daughter.  And in that respect, we couldn't be more alike!

Love Life

Today is a beautiful day.  There is rain in the forecast, it will be chilly, and my house is a disaster!  But, today is a beautiful day!  This morning, I got a visit from my youngest little man.  He is six and he still LOVES to snuggle me.  I am already sad for the day that he doesn't want that anymore!  He has written a book.  Yes...my six year old beat me to it. :)  Here is the first page:

It reads: (with corrected spelling)  "Sometimes I am alone.  Sometimes I am with people.  I love my mom and dad and my brothers.  I am glad that I have Jesus and God.  I love you God and Jesus.  I am glad that I have a life.  I love having a life.  Thank you for making me Jesus.  Thank you for making my brothers Jesus.  I really like them.

D-Dog is at a really wonderful age.  Every day feels like a new discovery as more of his personality emerges.  I am finding that there is something new to love about him constantly.

I have a friend that delivered her baby girl one month before D-Dog.  During our pregnancies, we compared notes and I lamented that she would be finished with her pregnancy a whole month before me.  Right after her daughter was born, she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer.  And she has been fighting ever since.  The doctors told her initially that she wouldn't live to see her daughter's sixth birthday.  So, every year that passes for our kiddos, I am reminded of her valiant efforts to beat this stupid cancer.  Last year, our kids turned six.  It was so significant in my mind because I knew every day she spent with her family was not "just another day."  It was a gift.  It was time that she was told she would never have.  I have watched her live with purpose and intensity.  The clock is ticking for all of us...but she did something with the urgency.  Our babies will be turning seven this summer.  And my heart hurts because I don't know if she will make it to see that occasion.  She has fought a brave battle.  But, her war is almost over.  She is in hospice care for comfort as she fights through her last days.
She reminds me that we are not promised anything in this life.  All of our promises lie within eternity.  The only thing that really matters is what we do to show Jesus to the people around us.  And I know that I'll be kickin' it in Heaven with my sweet friend someday.

My son said it best in his paper.  "I am glad that I have a life.  I love having a life."  I wholeheartedly agree!  And as I watch D-Dog grow up, I will commit to pray for my friend's daughter.  As she hits milestones that her mama will not have the privilege of watching, I will pray for her.  Life is so fragile.  Please go out and live it well!  If not for yourself...do it for my friend, Jenny...who would give anything for just one more rainy, chilly day with a disaster of a house, and the laughter of her husband and daughter!

This was my little man this morning.  Is there anything more wonderful in the world than those eyes? :)

Fix our Eyes!

OK!  I have talked about my dog before.  He is a cute dog.  A sweet dog.  An adorable example of the canine race.  But sometimes he makes me crazy.  He constantly runs away.  He sheds all over the house.  He smells.  He gets into the trash.
On his resumé, he can list the following:
Good things I've done:  Helped the family find their way out after the tornado.
Bad things I've done: Everything else.

But for some reason...maybe its the eyes...we LOVE him!  We adopted him from a rescue group and raised him through potty training, losing baby teeth, WORMS (YUCK!)

He will forever be part of our family.  He will continue to sneak onto the bottom of the boys' beds at night.  And today, he taught me a lesson.

I let him out this morning and he immediately found a squirrel to chase.  Of course, like a scene from a cartoon chase, the squirrel ran up the tree toward safety.

And so he sits.  And sits.  And watches the tree with his neck craning upward.  Nothing can distract him from the prize.  The promise of doggy treats will not move him.  A run, a walk, or any other opportunity to pee on the neighbor's mailboxes will not pull him away.

And it is here:  In the early morning hours, that I am reminded of my own pursuit.  And this beautiful scripture comes to mind from Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

God, please let me fix my eyes on you and not be distracted!  Help my heart to break daily for the people that don't know your love.  Take away the cynicism and doubts.  I want to chase after you like Toby chases after a squirrel...same passion...more worthwhile prize!