Sitting in the PICU

I am currently sitting in a super uncomfortable chair in the PICU while my daughter listens to fireflight on my phone and applies hello kitty chapstick at a rate of once per 15 seconds.  She has seriously bodacious lips right now. :)  It has been a long night with very little sleep.  When she's medicated, she's content.  When the meds run out, she's a mess.  I can't blame her.  She has a large incision on her back and she has been lying flat for several hours.  Her favorite pastime is watching videos on my phone of her glory days...doing flips in the living room at home.  I keep promising her that she'll flip again soon. 

It is hard to believe that six months ago I didn't even know this child.  She feels so much a part of me that I can't remember life without her.  Staying here with her through her surgery has been tough.  And I'll be honest...I'm really tired.  But, I am counting it joy to be here serving her.  God is using this experience to allow me to die to myself and serve Him.  The selfish me would love to be at home in my comfy bed sleeping.  Oh how I love sleep.  But, as I comfort her, dodge her smacks of discomfort, bring her drinks, and change positions in this terrible chair...it works in my heart. 

I think about how for two years of her life she didn't have this.  She didn't know the consistent love of a mom and dad.  This is building her trust. 

I think about how God doesn't leave us.  He is always near to us.  Even in our pain and discomfort, he is there.  A loving father that comforts us, dodges our smacks of discomfort, brings us the things we need, and never regrets the sacrifice.

This is love.  And it is good.

The quiver is full! :)

When I see this picture, my heart almost explodes!  But, I also feel slightly overwhelmed at the weight of responsibility!  These are five of the most amazing people in the world.  And I have the luxury of calling them mine...here on earth.

I am scared to death of letting them down.

What if I don't give them enough of me?

This morning, B gave me a run for my money where patience is concerned. ATTITUDE!  Where did my tender-hearted sweet boy go?  D-Dog has been dethroned as my baby.  And each night at bedtime his plea for "one more snuggle" echoes  in my ears.  Yes.  I will climb in bed with you and snuggle...because someday you won't want this.
Z is a full-on teenager.  Complete with the lingering scent of Axe body spray and the warp speed journey through puberty.  "He's only in our home for five more years!!!" My head screams.  Soak it up.  His sense of humor is closest to my own.  He makes me laugh...He makes me see the things to laugh about.  I already miss him and he's not gone yet.  Noodle!  He is a mystery to me.  He is so completely opposite in personality to my own.  Yet, I am drawn in by his quiet way.  He is tenderness encased in an athlete's body.  He knows what buttons to push, but he would give away his last stick of gum to a sibling.  And E.  The surgery, the unknown, the toddler drama, the abandonment issues.  How can I meet your needs as a mommy?

My heart is full...and heavy.  So much love and so much to care for.

2 Chronicles 1:10
Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

I trust that God, who has guided my steps, will give me what I need to lead these five amazing individuals straight into HIS arms.

Xin Nian Kuai Le

Happy Chinese New Year!  Today officially kicks off the year of the snake.
And boy...what a difference a year makes!

Here are two of my dear friends and I last year at this time.  We were all three waiting on our Chinese daughters.

And here we are a year later with our laps (and our hearts) FULL!!!

And this year, we added our friends and their Korean daughter to the mix.

This is my sweet girl.  We share the zodiac sign of the Tiger.  Maybe that's why we got off to such a feisty start.

Here are the three girls together.  Yes!  We bribed them with candy!

Here is E with her look-a-like "sister" O! :)

And finally...five beautiful girls whose lives are FOREVER changed by adoption...whose parents are incredibly blessed...

The long and short of it...

To all of the amazing friends that prayed for Es today...Thank you!!!

She did really well through the scan.  She handled the anesthesia well until she woke up and tried to beat me up for two hours.  Apparently she handles her stress by lashing out at me.  I can take it.  I feel much stronger than I did in China.  

We met with her neurosurgeon after the MRI.  These are the results (as I understand them)

Her official diagnosis is lipomeningocele.  

China did NOT operate on her spina bifida at all.  They simply closed the skin and didn't touch the defect at all.  Our doctor suspected this was the case...hence the MRI.  

Her spinal cord is abnormally long and is tethered to fatty tissue in her sacral area.  She has a neurogenic bladder  (which is why we will have to work to make her socially continent)  

If we did nothing, her cord would stretch and eventually she would lose all bowel and bladder function as well as the ability to walk.  Can you imagine what her future would have been like in China???  My heart won't even let me go there with my sweet precious baby.

So, our doctor is recommending surgery.  He will take out two bones, and separate the nerve roots from the fatty tissue.  He will also close up a sinus tract in that area.  (basically a tunnel between the fatty tissue that links her spinal cord to the surface of her skin.)  She is currently at an increased risk for meningitis and other bacterial infections through this opening.

She will always be "tethered."  All that means is that we will have to watch her closely for symptoms of nerve damage throughout her life (mainly during periods of growth)

That's the skinny on today.  I won't lie.  It was really stressful.  My dear friend, Joanna, came to the rescue and kept a feverish B today.  I'm so thankful!  Also thankful for the other wonderful offers that came our way to keep B.  

Now Hubby and I have to figure out when to schedule surgery.  Please pray for good timing and wisdom in this.  God has been so faithful.  I felt Him multiple times throughout the day.  

The bottom line is this:  

It is even more real to us than ever before that God loves orphans!  He chose a family for Es, pulled us out of our comfort zone and gave us the means to go after her.  It is redemption!  Pure redemption!  And our lives may be more complicated now than they were before adoption...but our lives are also more beautiful.  Forever thankful that God is taking us on this journey!!!