Wuv…Twu Wuv...

I want to talk to you about marriage tonight!

It is really hard.

Thank you for stopping by.

:-)

Just kidding!

Marriage is really hard.  But it is also really tough.  kidding again!  It is also really amazing.  The hubby and I are approaching 17 years of wedded bliss-ish-ness.  And I feel compelled to tell you the secrets we've picked up along the way that make it a pretty awesome endeavor.

I joined hands with my beloved at the age of 22.  I was so young.  I had no clue.  I hadn't learned to cook, balance a checkbook, or fight fair at that age.  And yet, I stood in a big dress and made promises that I had no idea how to keep.

We've lived on a couple of different continents, given birth (okay, that was mostly me) to four baby boys and adopted one sassy little Chinese girl.  We've given the term "home" to a scary non-soundproof apartment (very sorry, downstairs neighbors…we were newlyweds!), better apartments, a tiny little home, and our current two story that we moved into twice thanks to a tornado.

It is strange when you think about it.  When you marry someone, you make promises to them.  You promise to love them no matter where you live, how much money you have, how insane your kids make you, and regardless of all the other circumstances.  You declare that your body will only belong to that person for the rest of your lives.  You agree to adventure together, to support each other, and fight to the death to defend each other.  You are each others "safe place", "home".

I credit my beautiful and complicated marriage to a God that captured my heart before my eyes ever settled on my heartthrob.  I'm not at all implying that an amazing marriage isn't possible if you don't meet God first.  In all honesty, God can make marriage beautiful at any point.  You take a risk when you do it backwards.  But I've met so many inspiring couples that found Jesus together…down the road.

So, to wrap it up:
My most important elements of a satisfying marriage…

Travel the same Spiritual Road!

You like how I did that???  We're totally in the car in this picture…  Seriously, it makes it so much easier when a couple is on the same page with their faith!  From, "let's pray at dinner", to "let's give 10% back to God"  It is so much more enjoyable when you don't even need a conversation…you already agree.

Adventure Together!

He is a nature lover, I am a luxury hotel lover.  We compromise often and I allow him to pull me out of my comfort zone all the time!  Except for that one time when we were camping with the kids in Yellowstone and our tent had ice on it.  I'm never doing that again!  I mean it!  Never!

Laugh!  Joke! Smile!

It is okay to be silly…even in public…even when you feel too old.

Date Each Other!

When my husband comes home from work, he has to dig through enough kids to run a small sweatshop.  I look a bit haggard at times and our conversations get interrupted approximately 800 times.  When we date each other, I get to dress up all sexy for him and pay attention to ONLY him!  And when those gorgeous blue eyes are focused on me, I go from "mommy" to "woman" in 60 seconds!

Kiss!  Make Out!  Have lots of Sex!

I'm confident that my kids don't read this blog.  Otherwise, I would not risk giving them a stroke by including this.  But I'm serious.  We kiss more now than we ever have.  I spend time, money, and effort on being the only thing on his mind.  I think when the sex dies, the marriage suffers.  So, we put that as a top priority in our marriage.  We always have…we always will.

Go to the high school Homecoming dance!

(and totally take your kids)

You have to admit…it is a pretty effective abstinence message!  :)  I know not everyone can do this.  But, you can let your spouse know that their work is important to you.  Celebrate it, ask about it, support it!!

If you decide to raise a herd, do it with all of your heart!

Don't let kids come between you, and don't leave them out.  Delicate balance, my friends.

Show up every day…even if you don't "feel it"!

It is a marathon, not a sprint.  If you are having an especially difficult day with your spouse, imagine getting a call that they are no longer on this earth.  That will shake you into your right mind.  There are days when I feel like banging my head on a wall, but when it is all said and done, I could never do life without this guy by my side.  He is my rock.  He is my love.  He is my home.

What is Love?

 

I decided to ask my family about their thoughts on love.  Enjoy…and feel free to add your own ideas.

 What is Love?
"Love is a version of respecting someone.  It is forgiveness.  I'm not exactly sure what else."
What does Love look like?
"Not fighting with brothers."  "Love is a relationship between two or more people."  "Like, you can love someone in marriage, or you can love your family, or you can love a community."

What is Love?
"Love is when you like somebody... and they love you back."
What does love look like?
"You and Dad…because you guys kiss each other."

What is Love?
"Love is nice.  Love is helping people and caring for people.  Love is loving God."
What does love look like?
"Love is a really powerful thing in your heart.  Also, you guys, mom and dad…I can see that you love us…every time you tuck us into bed.  Love is also adopting kids that need homes."

What is Love?
"Caring about people, saying thanks, giving hugs and kisses."
What does love look like?

"Like you and dad kissing."

What is Love?
"Hug, Kisses"
What does love look like?
"A mommy daddy"

If Toby could talk, he would say that love is, "Being allowed in the house even after repeatedly running away, large treats, and kids tucking him in on the couch with a blanket."

What is Love?
"Love is sacrifice.  It is giving up something you want to keep, in order to give it to someone else.  It is placing value on someone other than yourself."
What does love look like?
"Love looks like my husband when he holds our newly adopted and traumatized daughter and says…"WE ARE DOING THIS!"  Love looks like my kids when they hop off my lap to make room for an orphan.  And they give up a piece of what is theirs to make her family.  Love looks like my friends when they show up daily to do life with me.  They allow me to share brokenness and joy with them.  Love looks like my parents fighting for the sanctitiy of marriage for 42 years now.  And love looks like a Holy and perfect God giving up His son to save my broken life.

 What is Love?
"Love is an intense desire to think of another person above yourself."
What does love look like?
"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not boast, it is not full of pride. Love never fails."