A Rescue Takes More Than a Day

Today was HARD!

E was DIFFICULT!

I am WORN!

My heart is BROKEN!

I had my most difficult confrontation to date with my daughter.  She began the day with a sunny disposition.  But the clouds rolled in just as my mom, E and I were sitting down for lunch at a restaurant.

Those of you that know my daughter are well aware that she is energetic.  She loves to bounce. She loves to jump.  She loves to laugh.  But, at lunchtime, this behavior is not acceptable.  We had already endured a meltdown in front of my grandmother.  E had taken my mom's bracelet and thrown it at an antique dresser and mirror.  In her shock, my mom yelled, "E!!!!"  Don't throw that!  Immediately, E shut down and started clawing at my shirt and buried her head to cry.

So, I wasn't really in the mood for round two.  Guess what...Toddlers don't care!

I sweetly asked E to stop jumping in the booth.  She kept jumping.  I asked again with more authority.  She kept jumping.  I put my hands out, caught her and sat her on her bottom.  "Stop jumping, E!  That is not ok."  I said.

Have you ever watched the Incredible Hulk transform?  Yeah...it was kinda like that.  She closed her eyes, started clawing me, and bit my arm hard enough to bring tears.  I took her out to the van and put her in the seat.  We both needed the fresh air.  Before you start thinking..."She's out of control...she just needs a good spank..."  please know that the thought crossed my mind.  But we made the decision to never spank E.  She has only been with us for 10 months.  For two years of her life, we have no idea what she endured.  We know that she was bruised when she came to us.  She spent the first two months hating me and slapping me in the face with NO EMOTION on hers...just waiting to see if I would hit her.  So NO.  I will not spank her.  I am forced to be more creative with her discipline.

The thing I hold onto is that she eventually feels contrition.  She will come to me on her own...unprompted and say those sweet words...sorry mama.

And today, she did just that.

And while I was standing next to the car waiting for her to calm down and apologize, the thought crossed my mind...Sometimes, a rescue takes more than a day.  We took E out of her broken situation and brought her to a loving family.  We have shown her every day for ten months that she is important, valued, beautiful and loved.  But we cannot erase in a day all of the damage that was done to her heart.  Our rescue of her takes patience, incredible love, and an enormous dose of Jesus.  I love it when people look at my daughter and comment on her beauty.  I love that she inspires others to step out in faith and adopt.  But, the true gift is when the steadfast and unconditional love we feel reminds us of the same qualities God feels for us.  Our rescue from brokenness happened in a moment.  All it took was asking Christ to take control of our sin-filled lives.  But, the actual changing of our hearts can sometimes take time.

If you have given your life to Christ and you are discouraged by a heart that is still in process, please believe me when I say;  Sometimes a rescue takes more than a day.  And if I can muster the energy and strength to love my daughter through her disobedience and trauma, God can walk with us through anything.

So, what is God rescuing you from?  An affair?  Pornography?  Obsession with money? Anger?  Food? Lies?  Drugs? Fear? Anxiety?  Broken relationships?

Isaiah 40:29 is my lifeline tonight.
"He gives strength to the weary (that's me) and increases the power of the weak (that's E)"  Do you need to know this truth tonight?

Love and prayers, friends.

We have so much room for ACTIVITIES

I know I can't endorse the movie...it has a low morality rating.  But, this scene is stuck in my brain and it makes me laugh when i see it!  Will Ferrel's character has an obvious excitement over "activities"  And my mind ALWAYS goes to my husband during this scene.  My hubby LOVES activities.  He grew up on the global scene.  So, he was an expert at navigating international airports by the time he was five.  He isn't happy unless he is busy.  Therefore, it is difficult for him to truly relax.  I, on the other hand, love to chill.  I am happiest when we are sitting around having a snack and chatting about life.  I love being home.  I love game nights, movie nights, sleepovers with the youth group etc...  But, I'm not a lover of going out for activities.  Perhaps it is my hermit nature.  It might even be the five kids that I usually drag with me every time I leave the house.  But, it just sounds like a lot of unnecessary work.  No.  I'm not lazy.  I just see the work involved and the possible nightmare it could be if we fill the minivan and head out.  That's why my husband is the one always signing the kids up for football, basketball, scouts, band, piano, baseball, track, tennis, camps, etc...
They are lucky to have him.  They would be bored if I planned their lives.  Hubby planned a delightful family outing a few weeks ago to Shakespeare in the park.  It was awful.  The kids were loud, didn't understand the play at all, (what?  you speak Shakespearian at your home?)  And the two year old lost it completely when the snacks were gone.  Out of submission and all that is holy in marriage...I kept my mouth shut.  But, inwardly I was thinking,"this is why I hate activities!"
So, I am headed to pick up my second and third sons from camp this afternoon.  There is a sweet program ending the festivities at 4pm.  Hubby has grandly suggested that we pack up the whole herd and go to see an outdoor play tonight...after camp pick-up...after he finishes his work day...after I complete all the laundry...after his doctoral class.  Oh yeah...and let's take a picnic.  My first instinct..."WHAT?  ARE YOU CRAZY?"
But then I remind myself of the obvious.  My husband LOVES "activities".  He loves planning them, executing them, and he isn't even mad when it all falls apart.  Because, in his mind...at least we tried.  At least we set out on an adventure.  And truly...I want my kids to grow up under that influence.  I want them to attempt the seemingly impossible.  I want them to look chaos in the eye and say, "WE LOVE ACTIVITIES!  Even though I will be dreaming of reading my book, I will embrace the late night outing.  Because I am eternally grateful for my husband.  I am in love with his enthusiasm for life and adventure. And because I know that when  if things fall apart, he will help me carry everyone to the car and get the herd safely back home.

Bigstuf

Nothing could have prepared me for the awesomeness of Bigstuf camp!  We were in Panama City Beach, Fl for one week.  The camp takes over a hotel right on the white sand beach for the entire summer.  And churches sign up for one of the eight weeks.  Our church took 200 teens and leaders to the camp this year.  My main impression is that this is what heaven will feel like.  We were surrounded by the beauty of the beach and we spent our days learning about God's love and singing the most beautiful songs.  We got to play in the ocean, build sand castles, have dance parties in our room, laugh, cry, and pray together.  It was surreal.

Our youth director is amazing.  I just have to say that.  I don't know how he handles all of the work on his plate.  He definitely does not have "regular" hours.  Teenagers don't operate on those hours.  But, he does it without complaint and seems to really love his job.  We are blessed!!!
He makes a habit of praying over the rooming situation and refuses to tell anyone their room assignment until we are in the parking lot about to check in.
I'm going to be honest.  I assumed I would end up with the girls I have been with for two years.  They are comfort to me.  I know them well.  I LIKE them. And for some crazy reason, they like me too.  We were all flashing smiles and crossing fingers hoping to be thrown together for the week.  But, as the names were read, all of the girls I know well were assigned to other rooms.  My heart started to pump harder.  "WAIT!  I don't have any of "MY" girls?"  What was our youth pastor doing?
As it turns out, I was given three girls fresh off graduation and one junior that has been to our youth group (fusion) a few times.  I got a little sweaty and started to panic!  They are looking at me like they've just been assigned to prison.  They don't know me at all...I'm guessing they didn't get the room assignment they were hoping for either.  Somehow I can't picture us holding hands and singing Kumbaya anytime soon.

Fast forward to the evening session.  The speaker started talking about the Israelites going into the promised land.  He spoke of their excitement at God's promises.  These people were stoked about what God had planned for them.  And, let's face it, God had built a reputation of faithfulness with this group. They were hanging onto some serious promises.  But, as they crossed the river, they looked ahead and saw....dum dum dum...Jericho!

Most of you know the story.  Joshua was leading the group.  They were a pretty sad looking army.  Joshua felt unqualified for the upcoming battle.  But, God gave him a solid plan.  POWERWALKING!
Joshua and the others were to basically powerwalk around Jericho for seven days blowing horns etc...and the walls would fall down.  If we step back a little, we have to acknowledge that the plan sounds a little flawed.  I mean, seriously, the battle plan was laughable.

Well, I was facing my own Jericho.  God had filled my heart with excitement about Bigstuf, and I had crossed the river, landed on the beach to face something that felt impossible for me.  But, God was using this to humble my heart and remind me that NOTHING good happens without HIM.  In that evening session, I put my pride at His feet and asked Him to take down the walls of Jericho.  I knew I didn't have anything to bring this particular group of girls.  But, God did.  And He was faithful!  The week was amazing.  Friendships were built.  People grew closer to Christ.  One of my girls was baptized, and recommitted her life to God.  My own personal Jericho fell...and it had nothing to do with me.  At the end of the week, I could see how God had put together the entire week because he has an insane love for these girls.  He covered every detail.  It was beautiful!  His crazy pursuit of their lives reminded me of the love He has for me.  And I am overwhelmed.

For those of you praying, THANK YOU!!!  For those of you that aren't sure if this "God thing" is for you, please let me assure you of something.  God works out the tiny details in your life to prove to you that He is there!  He shows up.  He is real.  And he wants the best life for you.  He wants joy for your life.

Bigstuf changed me.  It grew my faith.  And it strengthened relationships with some of the most amazing teenagers and leaders I've ever met!  I can't wait for next year!!!  And I'm even more excited about doing life with these crazy kids.

The girls in my room!

All the junior girls after one of them was baptized.

My sweet friend!  She has an amazing heart!!

My Heart Beats for THIS!!