Focus!

Here's the problem with Netflix…

I cannot be held to the time constraints of the networks.  And I can never remember to set the DVR.  So, the beauty of Netflix is that I can find a show that I've always been curious about and watch 218 episodes in a row.  This, of course, feeds my impatient nature.  It works fabulously with my immediate gratification issues.  And guess what?  When the available episodes are behind me, I can log on to Hulu + and watch the next 17 episodes on there.  Lord help me if I catch up with the current episode and I have to sit through those pesky commercials and wait a whole week for the next installment!!!

Anybody relate?  ;)

Hubby and I were on a marriage retreat Friday and Saturday.  My parents (who are either saints or completely crazy) watched all five kids for us.  From the moment we got into the swagger wagon until we pulled back into the garage at home, we were two wild and crazy kids.  We had FUN!  We got to sit together, hold hands, talk, and other stuff that my husband would kill me if I talked about!

Since we are both trying hard to keep the exercise on track (and because we both exercise to eat) we got up early on Saturday and hit the hotel gym.

Knowing this was a possibility, I had planned to take my iPhone with me and watch the latest installment of "Revenge"  (I know…don't judge me!)  I've been planning the take-down of the Graysons since episode 1.

To my dismay, I realized on the way to the hotel that I had forgotten my earbuds.  Immediately, I tried to figure out how to trick my husband into stopping at walmart under another pretense so I could buy some new earbuds.  I searched the seats of the van like a kid digging for change through the couch.  But, since it was a marriage retreat and I couldn't, in good conscience, start it out with a lie (and an addiction to television)  I kept quiet.

As we began our workout, I was still lamenting (silently) that I was going to have to sweat it out without any entertainment.  There was a TV on the treadmill.  It was mocking me!  You can see me….but you can't hear me!  So, I looked up and could see out into the center of the hotel.  It was dark, quiet, and beautiful.  I could see the pool if I looked out. And I could see the snow if I looked up through the glass ceiling.

God pushed aside all the clutter in my head and invited me to hang out with Him instead.

I did.

It was the most amazing 30 minutes I've had in a really long time.

I started praying over each member of my family.  I began by just thanking God for all the amazing qualities my loved ones possessed.  I started with my husband.  I asked God to give me a word to help me focus on how to pray for each person.  This is what He gave me.

For Hubby, I got "support".  I need to keep praying that God will show me how to support my hardworking and driven husband.  He is my closest friend, but he is also super busy.
For Son 1, I got "Intentional".  He will only be living full time in our home for four more years.  I am asking God to keep me intentional about my words and instruction.  Z has so much to learn and know about life, love, and faith.
For Son 2, I got "Nurture".  He has a tough exterior and he can defend himself.  But on the inside, he is a tender and beautiful soul.  He sweetly asks for affirmation that he's good enough and smart enough, and wonderful enough.  I need God to help me nurture that sweet side of him and build him up.
For Son 3, I got "Encourage".  B is generous and thoughtful and passionate and did I mention passionate.  I need God to help me encourage him in his thirst for knowledge about Christ.  I need to encourage his generous spirit.
For Son 4, I got "Guidance".  This awesome cat is a bit of a mix.  He has a tender and sweet heart.  But he also struggles with the need to "be cool…or be accepted"  I need God to help me guide him down the right path and help him steer away from the wrong choices.  God has amazing things planned for these kids!
And for baby girl…I got "LOVE"  She has had the hardest of beginnings.  Her journey to attachment in this family has been a fight.  But I am praying that she will know the complete and genuine love we have to offer and that someday it will point her to a creator that has known her even longer than I've known her.  I pray that I will lovingly help her through her health issues and the emotional issues that are to come.

And for myself, "Time"  I pray that God will help me manage my time and make Him a priority!

What a gift this time of prayer was! I feel focused!

What about you?  Can you carve out a bit of time?  Even when you're driving to work…turn off the radio and ask God to give you a word of focus for each person in your life.  I think you'll find that it will focus your thoughts and your prayers for each specific person.

It is Sunday.  I am getting ready to run out the door and head to church.  If you are local, come join me.  I can promise you that you'll really love today!  We've got a really fantastic guest speaker and we're starting the day with a little Bon Jovi music!!

Hope to see you!

Chasing Imperfection!

Please indulge me for a minute while I post a couple of "selfies"  (btw, autocorrect keeps turning "selfies" into "selfless"…so  ironic!  haha

This is a picture of me fresh from the shower.  I have not dried my hair and I'm not wearing a bit of make-up.  I know, I know…none of you realized I had this much natural beauty!  ;)

And after spending at least 20 minutes in front of the mirror and tons of costly products, I ended up with this:

No jokes, please, about not knowing which one is the "before" and which one is the "after".

In our culture and society, I only really have one option when it comes to leaving my house.  I am required to put on make-up and fix my hair if I want to fit in.  If I want "perfection" or "socially acceptable"  I have to alter my appearance.

Why?

Who decided it had to be this way?  When I showed both pics to my kids, they said the second picture looked better.  But, when I pushed them to tell me why, they were stumped.  They gave answers like, "because you are wearing make-up and your hair is dry."  But, why does make-up make me look better?  We can all agree that the trickery of cosmetics can hide flaws and boost assets.  But, why do I feel the need to boost assets and hide flaws?  Who told me that those things needed to be addressed?

Contrary to where you think this is headed, I'm not railing against society and our willingness to conform to culture's expectations.

Instead, I'd love for us to take a look at our idea of perfection and challenge it a little.

Here's another picture for you to ponder.

This is a picture of my daughter's back.  And this isn't even the entire scar.

What do you think when you see this?

This scar represents the imperfection of my child's body.  The defect that required such a large incision will cause her to struggle her entire life.
Her bowel and bladder are unable to function "perfectly" so we have to utilize modern medicine and medical supplies to get her to a socially acceptable place.  She will require nightly enemas that take approximately 30-45 minutes and when she's ready to be out of diapers, she will take medication for life and have to use a catheter to void her bladder.  Not ideal, right?

During her last appointment, I held it together pretty well.  But when we got home and the weight of her struggle hit me, I cried.  I cried that she will struggle.  I cried that it won't be easy.  I worried that the students in her class someday would tease her.  I wondered how this would affect her dreams and goals in life.

So I have to ask a question.  If you had the opportunity to adopt someone like E… would you?  Would this scare you away?  Or would you run toward it?

This is what scares me more than spina bifida:

I'm afraid that we spend too much time chasing perfection.  We want the perfect car, the perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect kids, the perfect dog, the perfect vacation, the perfect church, the perfect friends, the perfect life.

What if, instead, we chased after the broken and messy?  It would be hard.  But, I'm willing to bet that it would be more amazing.

I have a confession.  The scar on my daughter keeps me close to Jesus.  To me, it represents a journey of faith toward something imperfect.  It signifies a second chance... redemption... adoption.

Someone made the same journey for me once.  He chased after someone completely imperfect (me) and offered me a second chance... redemption... adoption.  The cost was much greater for him.  It actually cost him his life to chase me.  HE is the reason I roll up my sleeves and dive into parenting every day.  He is the reason I run past perfection in pursuit of imperfection.  And He is the reason this beautiful soul exists.

This pursuit makes me fall on my face in worship and thank Him for allowing me to see where true beauty exists.
Where is He calling you?  What is He asking you to chase?  I'd love to hear about it!!!