She's got the whole world in her hands

Last night there was a baseball game.

It played in the background...like a soundtrack in a movie.

I cannot recount for you any of the details of the game because I missed the entire thing.

I can, however, tell you what went down in front of the screen.

Birthday party planning for a child that has been 10 shades of emotional.  Half the time she is saying, "Happy Irtday coming" and the other half of the time she is crying and telling me not to sing "happy birthday to you" at her party.  All of this is peppered with the constant phrase, "no bye bye, mama!"

Local law enforcement was on the case pointing out the wrong doings of the rest of the clan.  This one believes in citizen arrests.  Which leads to SCREAMING!

E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L middle schooler...  (yeah...that's all I'll say about that)

"Mom, I REALLY want to write a book about Abraham Lincoln.  I need to do it RIGHT NOW.  What do you know about him?  Do you have any pictures from his life?"  (ummmm, for realz?)

"Mom, I peed in my bed last night.  I forgot to tell you."

"Mom?  Are you picking me up from basketball?"

"The dog ran away again."

"WHO STOLE MY RAINBOW LOOM NECKLACE??????"  (accusing all siblings!)

"Hey mom, Tomorrow is generational day at school.  I need an old man costume." (at 9:30pm)

"I'm out of lunch money."  "I forgot to turn in my homework"  "I hit my head on a brick outside, am I bleeding?"  "I need help on my homework."  "I'm supposed to read this to you."

"WHAT'S FOR DINNER?"

And to top it all off, because my daughter has spina bifida and lacks the ability to get her poo out by herself, it was time for her enema...which she totally loves...NOT!

You might be thinking, "Isn't she married?  Where is her husband in all of this?"  While he is an EXCEPTIONAL partner in all of this madness, he is also incredibly busy keeping the food and shelter thing going.

The thing is, when it finally got quiet...and all of the people were in bed...

I snuck up and walked into their rooms.  I leaned over and kissed all five foreheads.  I thought about how important each life is.  And I realized that if their chaos disappeared, my heart would die.

Baseball doesn't have the same effect on me. :)

So, tonight while the Cards and Sox face off again, I will no doubt be entrenched in the same brand of crazy.  But, I am blessed with perspective.  I know the days are long and the years are short.

Thank you, God, for the little people in my life!

Obedience!

I have noticed a resounding theme lately.  I'm pretty sure there is a reason that the topic of obedience keeps cropping up.  For me, obedience is a tricky issue.  In my heart, I WANT to do what God wants me to do.  But, the act of following in faith is not always easy.  And I'll be honest.  I often look at the price tag first.  In this way, I am just like my dog.  Yes.  My dog!  He has ONE trick, people.  We have tried over and over to teach him some fancy new stuff.  But, he prefers to stick to what he knows.  He knows how to shake.  He lifts his cute little paw up for a shake and waits excitedly for a treat.  I have given this trick a slightly different slant by calling it a "high-five" sometimes...just so it looks like my dog has two tricks instead of one.  But lets be honest...he's not an overachiever.

And yet...he comes at me all slobbery and growly begging for a treat.  I walk him to the pantry, pull out a bone and without being asked, he sticks that paw up in the air in anticipation.  He is super proud of this trick.  I'm sure there is a smile there underneath the large teeth.

So....can I have one?

NAILED IT!!!!!!..........AGAIN!

And...DONE!

But here's the problem.

I don't want to be my dog.

When God tries to teach me something new...I want to learn.  I want to try, even if it is new, scary, and I could possibly fail.  I don't want Him to look at me and say, "Child, there is so much more I want to teach you, but you HAVE. TO. FOLLOW. ME!

When we were pursuing Esther through adoption, I was completely unsettled.  I don't necessarily like that feeling.  But, when I am unsure, it allows God to show that He IS sure.  He isn't asking me to know everything already.  He isn't leaving me out there alone.  He has promised to walk with me every step.  And He has gone a step further and told me in His word that he is EXPECTING me to try new, crazy and radical things for Him.

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us new in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

I want to be obedient.  I want to drop the excuses like:  I'm too busy, too tired, too old, too crabby, too broken, too scarred, too scared.

I feel like God is asking me to get on board with something He wants to do.  It sounds insane to me and it makes perfect sense.  I feel like God is asking me to look into buying a house and setting it up for 2-3 young single moms and their kiddos.  It would be a safe, non-sketchy, place to have "HOME" where I would throw resources in such as: parenting help, cooking classes, family nights, financial planning, etc...  It would be a safe place to get on your feet while learning family skills that might not have been part of your own childhood package.

And when I say that I feel like God is asking me to do it, I mean...God is telling me to do it, people!  So, once again, I find myself in a situation that is uncomfortable and scary.  Ummm, first of all...I don't have money to buy a house.  And I know that this plan will require people with skills I don't possess.  But, I am committing to pray about it and see what doors God opens with it.

It would be a lot easier for me to say, "Here, God...here is my paw shake!  I can do that one really well!  Why do you want me to learn to roll over?"  God loves my paw shake.  He taught me how to do it.  But, He showed me that human obstacles are nothing to the King that can move mountains for His family.  So He wants to ask something new of me.

Friends, I know there are so many of you that have been loyal readers.  I know it is because you see your own journey in these words.  I hope I can adequately express the struggle and the victory.  Today I am asking that you would join with me in prayer.  I can't do anything great without God and YOU!  Please pray for God's direction in this.  I am hesitant to put this out there, because then I can't hide it in my heart any longer.

But life is short.  And I'm no longer interested in the tiny treat.
My heart's desire is to just obey the master!