Drumroll......................

Here it is:  Here is the rest of the house.  It is beautiful.  But the things that matter most have trashed the house with Lincoln Logs and army men since I took these pics.  I have signs of life all over the place.  So, before you fall in love with the house, remember that it is just a house.  :)

appropriately labeled "family" room

Dining

Entry

Study

Kitchen

Kitchen

notice the ever present laundry baskets to the right...

Circumstantial Faith

Circumstantial faith...This term hit me like a brick yesterday.  My struggles lately are all tied to two words that have been eluding me for four months.  It was a condition I knew...could verbalize...but didn't really know what to call it.  Pastor T explained it like this:  When things are going great and life is smooth, we are basically leading the God cheer!  We could sell the Christian life to anyone.  We are strong in our faith and we believe God is in control.  But when things start to slide South, we begin to waver in our faith a bit and start asking questions like, "Where are you, God?"  "Do you care about what I'm going through?"  But, when things hit rock bottom, we often begin to question the very existence of God and His love for us.  I have been on this wild faith teeter-totter for too long.  If I want the faith of the Legends of the Bible, I'm going to have to stop allowing my circumstances to rule my attitude.
If Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8)  That means that He is all-knowing and all powerful when I'm watching my kids sleep peacefully, and when I'm holding them while the house crashes in around us.  He is God when friends are showing His love to us with their kindness, and when we jump out of bed with night terrors.  He doesn't change, even though our circumstances do.  And I have to believe that He will be faithful and take these circumstances to shape us and grow us for big things.
If anyone ever tries to sell you the lie that Christians are guaranteed an easy life...run!  run far away.  That just isn't true.  We live in a fallen world.  And bad things happen to good people.  But, the difference between walking the road WITH Christ and WITHOUT is the difference between faith and bitterness.  I don't want to be bitter!  I want to lift my hands up in the air and ask God to pick me up and  keep me on the path of faith.  I want to go forward and chase after the things that matter to Him.  I still want to adopt!  Hubby still wants to adopt.  The kids still want to adopt.  I have no idea how our story will play out.  I don't know what the adoption story will look like.  We'll let God write it for us and orchestrate the events for us.  We'll just wait...with obedient hearts....for the next great thing. :)

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!"

These are the words spoken by Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz".  They certainly apply to me lately.  Thanks in large part to the amazing people in our lives, we were able to get everything out of the pods, back from Service Masters, and moved over from the temp home.  Two days before the move, I spent at least an hour crying.  I told a friend that I wanted to feel that deep burning faith and trust in God.  But I just needed him to show up.  I needed to see Him in a big way.  That might sound silly...kind of like, "I'll trust you God, if you give me a sign."  But it wasn't that corny.  It was more like, "I'm dying of thirst in the desert, God and I need a drink of water! Can you pass me a Dasani?" It is generally my experience that when I am on my face, asking God to show up that he does it in a big way.  It amazed me how quickly everything was moved and organized.  And to top it off, two of the busiest moms I know brought drinks, snacks, fruit, italian chicken and beef sandwiches, chips, etc.......
Once again, it was the faith lift I needed.  God showed up in the people he has blessed us with.  And WOW!  We are blessed!!
A big shout out goes out to my AMAZING brother!  Hubby left yesterday evening and I had several hours of cleaning and unpacking to do.  What does a girl with that kind of stress need?  Glee, of course!  I only had a couple more episodes in season one to watch...but no wireless internet.  After lots of laughs and my brother's insane computer skills, he had me resetting stuff, recreating passwords, and hooking everything up.  That's what brothers do.  They sit by your bed after your face gets hit by your house, and they help you hook up your netflix for wii when you get back home. :)  I love you, Bro!  And I would be completely remiss if I did not include an enormous thank you to our parents!  My mom and dad have been here almost every week faithfully helping us.  And Hubby's mom and dad have been so generous to help watch kids while we move.  And Ken, our contractor...you have more talent and heart than anyone I've ever met.  You, Lonnie and Sean are amazing!!!!!  You made this our home.  :)  Now, you are our family.
Since I am not going to show you the downstairs until it is completely unpacked...I'll whet your appetite with a few before and after pictures.  And I will tell you that it is the most surreal feeling in the world to sit inside your old house that looks NOTHING like your old house.  Except that the habitual glances up at the wall in the kitchen force you to hang the clock there again. :)
Just to prove this is true, Z just walked into the room where I am typing and said, "mom.  it feels really weird to be in this house that feels like our house, but doesn't really feel like our house at all."  Yep...that sums it up.  It doesn't make sense to us either.  So, this may not feel like Kansas, and the munchkins are crazy. Toby is a heck of a lot bigger than Toto, and  I've pulled back the curtain on Oz and he's just a regular insurance company that is taking too long to reimburse.  But, one thing I know for sure..."There's no place like home!"

Master Bedroom

B and D's room

Z and N's room

Temporary Home

Breakfast

Hubby asked why I didn't clean up before taking the picture.  haha

Sorry, no baking memories here...

yes, the home of a thousand windows.  The kids always watched the skies here.

"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."
- Carrie Underwood

This is our temporary home.  This is a place of emotional weakness.  The only fond memories I will take from here center around the new friends we've made.  I will not cry when we leave this house.  I have nothing against the structure.  It was a safe place to dwell while our real home was being rebuilt.  But, this is where we showed up traumatized and broken.  This is the place where most nights from the last four months have been filled with anxiety, sleeplessness, and six people huddled in one bed.  I am not naive enough to think that the nights in our other home will be different...but hopefully we'll heal there...eventually.
This is the home where decisions were made and hands were thrown up in the air in frustration.  And this home smells like cat pee. :)
I was thinking last night about the similarities in our earthly situation and our eternal one.  This life is a temporary home.  It is broken and difficult.  But, there is a much more amazing home waiting for me with Christ that will make this life look like trash.  In this eternal life, death is defeated, sorrow is gone, and thank you, Jesus...there are no tornadoes!
If you are like me and you feel broken, let's look forward to this day together.  And let's pray that our permanent home is filled with chocolate and diet dr. pepper!!! :)

My Dad

In honor of Father's Day, I decided that I would dedicate this blog post to my dad.  I know that as soon as it hits the world wide web, I'll get a call from my mom asking why I didn't blog about her on Mother's day. :)  Love you, mom!
My dad is an amazing man.  I am truly sorry for the rest of you that he is not your dad as well.  My earliest memories of my dad are ones of hard work, honesty, and serious love for family.  Farming is not for the faint of heart.  It requires hard physical labor and intense brains to boot.  I've watched him labor over the Earth only to sit and wait for the Heavens to water it...sometimes the wait was long.  I've watched him deal compassionately and always fairly with the men and women whose ground he cares for.  I've seen him go above and beyond with everything he does.  If a job is worth doing, it is worth doing right.
He applied the same integrity to marriage and family.  I have always known how much he loves my mom.  They have walked the road of marriage for almost 40 years and they have been the influence that keeps me fighting hard for my own marriage.  My dad taught me how to drive a car and he gave me my first job walking beans.  Thanks for hiring all the super hot guys to work with us and for not making fun of me when I was sooooo obviously acting ridiculous.  My dad supported my mom in staying home with my brother and I throughout our childhood so we could cultivate the wonderful relationship we have today.  My dad taught me the importance of saving money and of giving to others.
As a teenager, I was a major drama queen.  I know some of those gray hairs have my name on them. :)  But, you taught me that I was not more important than anyone else and gave me perspective that has served me well in adulthood.
When we moved overseas, I got to know another side of you.  Most people think you are quiet.  They have no idea that you are wickedly funny.  They don't know that most of your emails to me during that period of my life kept me going and that I laughed and cried while reading them.
As each one of our children has been born, you have embraced them and loved them unconditionally...even when they load your truck CD player with quarters and track mud all over your new carpet.
In our 14 years of marriage, you have helped us move seven times.  Two of those have been to the same house.  :)  You always show up with your red truck and your strong arms and the cooler of food that mom has lovingly prepared and you never complain.  It doesn't matter that I am on my own now.  What does that really mean, anyway?  I've never been out of your thoughts or your concern.  I know you worry every time we are on the road.  I'd like to think it is because of the "other" guy...but I'm pretty sure it is MY driving you are actually worried about. haha
I'll never forget after the tornado when you showed up at the hospital.  You walked into the room and you looked at me and I knew what you were thinking.  You thought you were hiding it, but I could see that you were worried. Nothing has changed...I'm still your little girl.   You have always fought for me, supported me, and encouraged me.  And you have always been able to make me laugh.
It is with deep gratitude and love that I wish you a very happy Dad's day.  I love you, dad!
love, your daughter

Brownies, Glee, Stress and Jesus!

I made a pan of brownies.  I have plans to sit and eat the entire pan while watching old episodes of Glee on Netflix.  Why do I love that show?  It is entirely inappropriate.  I would not watch it in front of my children...or my husband...or Jesus.  But, I love the singing and the wacked out teenage drama.  It has become an escape for me.  So, I wait until my husband goes to sleep and then I settle in to watch and eat.  Oh, Hubby knows of my guilty pleasure.  He has commented on it a time or two.  But, he also knows that most of the time lately I'm about one ounce of stress away from coming completely unhinged.
OK...house update...
It is finished!!!!!  except for a few very minor details and a whole lot of Ken's tools in my garage, they are done.  We will start moving things into the house tomorrow.  If anyone wants to join us in the game called, "Where in the heck is jillian's stuff", give me a call.  I'd love to have you.  There won't be any brownies left, but I would be happy to supply pizza!
On Tuesday, the furniture from the first floor that was water logged will be returned.  At some point in the next few days, we'll move our beds and clothes from the rental and start the transition home.  I'm still a little worried about the kids.  I looked up post traumatic stress and two of them have every symptom.  They have an amazing therapist, though...so I am optimistic.  Now that the place is cleaned up (somewhat) I'll go in tomorrow and take pictures.  I was going to do it earlier, but our contractor had so many tools and boxes out it was looking a little like an ebay posting.  I'll try to get pics up right away so everyone can see them.  The house is gorgeous.  Ken outdid himself.  If anyone in the area is looking for someone to do work in their home, please allow me to give him the highest recommendation.  He is a perfectionist.  Our home is exhibit A.  He can do anything!!!
While we were driving home tonight from the house, I just had Z with me.  He started talking about the tornado and the things he remembered from that night.  He replayed every vivid detail.  He remembers so clearly.  He said, "mom, you were hurt so bad...I just remember seeing all this blood everywhere."  And then he started to cry.  "What were you thinking in that moment,"  I asked.  He looked at me through his tears and said, "I thought you were going to die."  To this day, I will never really grasp what my kids have experienced.  My heart breaks for the loss of their innocence.  Bad things really do happen to good people.  They know that.  My job as their mom is to teach them these words from John 16:33: 
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  God wins...Love wins!
Tonight my heart is full.  I am reminded of the wonderful blessings of my husband, children, parents, in-laws, siblings, and friends.  And yes, even Toby the dog is on my good list right now.
I am signing off because my brownies have cooled and I have to get my Glee fix quickly and head to bed. Goodnight all!

Gratitude!

Today we kicked butt on house stuff.  My mom and dad were here and we got so much accomplished. We painted the front door and shutters a very coastal/beach-y color.  We stained the inside of the front door, put up some blinds, took down the exact same blinds, said bad words about said blinds, and went back to Lowe's for different blinds. Dad and Noodle painted the island and we organized and transported most of the toys to the permanent house.  But the highlights of the day had nothing to do with any of that.  We connected as a family over tedious tasks.  We laughed and teased each other.  We had our "first" meal together at the house...pizza hut eaten on napkins.  It felt wonderful!  We worked hard.  The kids were amazing.  They kept asking for jobs to do.  Now that I know what they're capable of, it looks like I'll never wash dishes again.
In a few minutes, I'll be off to bed.  Tonight will hopefully be a better sleep than last night.  Thanks to the many storms throughout the night, I shared my bed with three kids.  Hubby slept in a twin bed next to D-Dog last night.  I had approximately three inches to myself last night.  Tonight, I am looking forward to hogging the bed and blankets.  I feel great about what we got accomplished.  I feel grateful for my parents that gave up two days to help us.  They are rockstars!  I am grateful for my dear friends that have checked in on us lately and encouraged us. I am grateful for my neighbor that let the kids swim there today while we painted.   I am grateful for my wild and crazy boys.  And I am grateful for my sweet and sexy husband!
As I fall asleep tonight, I will be very aware that the countdown has begun.  There are only a few more nights to fall asleep inside these walls.  Very soon, we will be falling asleep............at home.  I'll try to get some pictures posted on here tomorrow so you can see the amazing transformation.

Just Bad Luck...

"Just bad luck."  Those are the words from my ENT regarding the tumor they found.  Actually, I knew about the tumor. It has been sloooooowly growing for a few years.  I am usually in the "I'd rather not know if there is something wrong" camp.  But, during my post-tornado CT scan they found this crazy thing and told me I needed to get it removed.  So, one Neurology appointment later (nope, nothing in my brain), and one ENT visit later, I have surgery scheduled for July.  Many people are very private...I guess I am not.  I feel like keeping this craptastic stuff to myself robs all of my prayer warrior friends of the chance to pray.  And I need all the prayers I can get. The tumor is a mixed tumor just under my right ear.  They feel pretty confident that it is benign.  So, until they tell me otherwise, I'll go with that.  This will mark the first time I've ever been put under in surgery.  I am terrified.  I am terrified of not waking up, of saying  something completely stupid in my drugged up state, and I am afraid they are wrong and I will receive bad news from pathology.  Those are my innermost fears.
As I was having a rough moment yesterday I kept thinking, I don't understand why we keep getting hit with this dumb stuff.  I have the heart and passion to do some really amazing things for God...if he could just block me from life's tedious junk, I could actually get something done.  But, then I ran across this fantastic scripture from James 1:12:
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
Those are the words that I am letting sink into my heart right now.  I am letting God wash over my fears, anxiety, and questions with this promise.
So, while I feel very confident in my surgeon's abilities and I am marching ahead through this "bump" in life...I do not believe it is "just bad luck".  It is yet another opportunity to tell God that I love him and I trust him.  Even though it doesn't make sense to me, I will trust him.  Please pray that my faith remains strong and that I can honor God in everything I do and say.
Thanks, friends!!

Holiday World

Well, we did it!  We ran away.  I'd been threatening to do it for a while.  But, thanks to the high school  girls soccer team, we packed our bags and ran away.  The stress around this house had been thick enough to cut with a knife.  No one was smiling anymore.  We were all short with each other and quite frankly, things weren't fun in the house.  So, Thursday night we took the kids to my parents (i love you, parents!) and early Friday morning, Hubby and I went North to cheer on the high school soccer team.  Highlights:
watching the girls take the State championship,
IKEA!!!!!,
the local Goodwill store,
running through a forest preserve with hubby
a tiny little production of the "Putnam County Spelling Bee" (FANTASTIC!)
SLEEP!,
Not sleeping (wink wink)
And spending some amazing time with my best friend.  I've missed him.
After a wonderful time of reconnecting, we picked up our kids and headed East toward Holiday World.  We stayed for two nights in a camper on Lake Rudolf campground.  Holiday World was fantastic.  What a great little Midwest treasure.  My favorite things about Holiday World:
1.  Free drink stations.  Really, they eliminated the entire chorus of, "moooooooooom, I'm thirsty!!!!!"
2.  Free sunscreen stations.  We didn't even carry a bag in.  We could reapply sunscreen whenever we wanted.
3.  No full length mirrors.  Seriously.  I saw enough tan beautiful bodies to haunt me a lifetime.  It was wonderful to walk into a bathroom and not have to look at myself in a swimsuit.
4.  The wave pool.  We got every penny's worth out of our tickets here.  The kids exhausted themselves body surfing and we got to sit in the water watching them laugh and giggle.
5.  Reconnection.  For two days we laughed and joked and made memories.  We will need that connection to walk through the days of adjustment that are coming.  I am overwhelmed when I think of the amount of work it will take to pack up this house, move to the other house and begin cleaning insulation off of the junk in the pods.  Have I mentioned that tornadoes suck yet?
So, we are back.  Hubby is busy doing work stuff. (so glad I don't have his job...it is big)  And my posse and I are slowly working through the laundry.  Every once in a while someone will mention something from our trip and we can't help but smile.  Yes...the smiles are back!  I sure love those smiles!