Plan A...not so much~!

Well, Plan A would have us leaving tomorrow for China.  In the words of our agency caseworker, "Plan A is just not an option anymore."  In a sad turn of events, we found out that our daughter's civil affairs office didn't receive the information that we had been granted approval for travel.  So...we have to delay travel until after school starts here.
I'm a little conflicted.  I'm going to be honest.  The trip was coming together so fast that I felt anxious and overwhelmed with the details.  We were so busy putting everything together that I began to feel guilty about not spending enough time with the boys.  I was going to have to drop a lot of responsibilities on grandparents and miss out on getting them ready for school.
The delay means more waiting for Esther.  But, it also means more one-on-one with the kids here.  I'm hoping the delay will translate into a more relaxed exodus from our home in a few weeks.

However, looking at this reminds me that we are getting close to travel!  Look at the PINK!  and the DOLLS!!! :)

And then I start thinking about a little girl that was given a name by an official.  She is alone in the world...no family.  But then God collides the lives of the lonely and the family.  And the result is a picture of His redemption.  She has a family!  She has a name!  And not just ANY name.  Her name is Esther.  She is named after a woman in the Bible that was also an orphan.  Her namesake was grafted into a family (ummm,, the KING'S family) and God used her to save her people.  We're not royalty and we're certainly not thinking that our Esther will save the Jews.  :)  But...what does God have in store for her?  Her story will be different...but no less amazing.  Will he use her here in our town?  Or will He someday take her back to her homeland to make a difference for Him?  We have no way of knowing how her story will play out.  But we are incredibly grateful to be able to watch it unfold.  We pray daily for her heart to be open to our family.  We pray daily for her safety and health.  We pray daily that God will equip us to be her parents.  And we pray daily that He will guide us through the next few weeks.

She has a name...lovingly chosen!!!

And she has a room! :)

MY WATER BROKE!!...i think

I couldn't have planned for yesterday to be any more amazing than it was!  My parents were in town and we met my brother and sis-in-law for lunch.  As we were sitting and stuffing onion blossom into our mouths with true abandon, my mom asked me about travel approval. "It is probably too soon to expect it", I said.  "I mean, everything has taken so long in this process.  Since I haven't heard from them yet today, it probably won't come until maybe next week."
As we were finishing up the meal, D-Dog was playing with my phone and he handed it to me.  "You're getting a call, mom."  he said.  As I accepted the phone, my eyes landed on the caller id.  It was the area code of our agency.  Could it be???  So soon???
Our agency confirmed that our TA (travel approval) had arrived in the office and we could now request a consulate appointment.  Unfortunately, in order to get back in time for hubby's work deadline, we have to return by Aug. 12.  So, that means our travel could happen VERY quickly...or be delayed until after his deadline passes.  We are pursuing the "very quickly" route right now.  Our agency has requested consulate dates for Aug. 6-9.  We'll know by Monday morning if we have a confirmed appointment for that week.  If that happens, we will leave next week.  We have so much to do.  I just printed and filled out medical consent forms for our families and we are working through the travel arrangements.  Please continue to pray for this journey.  We trust that God has every detail covered.  And we know He is good.  We just want Him present in EVERYTHING.
Thank you to all of our amazing friends and family. We can't wait to share this next part of the journey with you.  We know exactly how blessed we are to have each of you in our lives!  God has blessed us greatly.  Our hope is that others will see this story and it would prompt them to jump off a cliff and into the faithful arms of God.  Even in the stuff we don't understand, He is there.  Even when it is too dark to see, He is there.  Even in the moments when our minds are spinning and we're freaking out because we are about to change our family forever...He is there!
God has known Esther since her body began to be formed in her mama's body.  I am humbled to think that God's plan for Essie's life includes our family.  It includes YOU.  I, for one, can't wait to see this story unfold!!!
Love you, friends!

One way ticket to Crazyville!

I'm finally going to admit it publicly.  I am LOSING it!  My mind has turned to mush and I can't concentrate on anything.  I've spent so much time on documents, paperwork, timelines, and book reports that I can't seem to focus on anything that isn't adoption related.  We are currently waiting on travel approval.  In about two weeks, we will receive a document that invites us to travel to China and get Esther.  Now, because of the 50,000 details that will need to be ironed out for travel, we won't be able to leave immediately.  More than likely, we'll have to wait to travel until after the first day of school.  So we're looking at gotcha day somewhere around mid-late August.
I feel like I'm in a weird place.  Today, I was cleaning out my closet to donate some clothing for another adoption yard sale and I started thinking through..."what will I wear while we travel?"  I don't want to have to drag around several suitcases...so I have to pack smart.  And those that know me well, will know that this alone, will be a difficult feat.  My dear friend, Kerri, will remember my diaper bags of the past...bursting at the seams...packed with everything necessary to survive in the wild for a year on any continent.  And that was just for an afternoon outing!  I have the tendency to over prepare.

Travel seems so close, but so far away.  And the waiting isn't getting any easier!  Instead, I am over-thinking everything.  I am about to commit a lifetime of love and protection to someone I've never even met.  I know next to NOTHING about this child.  She is a stranger to me.  In her almost two years of life, I've received four pictures of her.  That completely freaks me out!  What if she's awful?  What if she cries all the time?  What if she plays with matches?  What if she never sleeps?  What if she hates us?  What if I'm a terrible mom for a daughter?  I mean, I talk about boogers, and I think farts are funny.      I can build a lego castle that would make you jealous.  But I have no idea what to do with dolls?

Should we have adopted a boy?
Should we have adopted at all?
Is everything going to change?
Will my other kids pay the price?
(insert screaming into pillow here)

I know that this time of year is always challenging.  All the boys are home and the fights outnumber the hours in the day.  My nerves might be slightly challenged right now.  I've got one with major attitude about responsibility.  I've got another one that is either feeling sick or injured most of the day.  I've got one that tries to sleep with me every night and another one that wants me to be his own personal NFL coach.

You know what I feel like doing right now?  Sitting down with two dozen chocolate chip cookies, a gallon of milk and the remaining 70 episodes of "Army Wives" on netflix.  I want to close off the world for a little bit...or at least take a nap and forget.

So yeah...sorry this isn't very cheery!  I don't have any words of inspiration.  I'm pretty empty right now.  I am a mess of emotions lately and I'm feeling terrible about it!  So, if you have scheduled time to hang with me...feel free to bow out gracefully.  LOL  I know I'm crazy!  Or...when you see me.  Just give me a hug and tell me it will be okay.  Tell me that God knows what He's doing and that it is all going to work out.  You and I will both know that you have NO way of actually knowing that...but it will show me that your love for me is unconditional.  'Cause I need you more now than ever before!  Thank you to the people that lovingly stand beside me on this roller coaster!  You know who you are!  'Cause if you look around, you'll find that you're sitting next to me on the crazy train.  And I'll be so grateful to have you there! :)