Secret Powers and Paranoia!

I have to show you a picture.  It is a photo of our dog that was taken by my nine year old.  You can clearly surmise from this example that my child is a better photographer than I am.  Sadly, he was probably holding the camera with one hand and not really paying attention to what he was doing.

I mean, how did he capture such a pensive look on our little pup's face?  And don't get me started on the lighting.

So, Toby kind of has a secret power.  He has the ability to sense when someone is sick or hurt.  I know, I know, you are reading this thinking…"Jill.  My dog/cat/horse/gerbil/hamster/snake/gecko can do the same thing.  But seriously, this dog is like Dr. Quinn medicine woman dog.  He covers everything from   headaches to surgery.  If you have the stomach flu, he is pressed up against you like his body heat holds the cure.  If you just sprained your ankle?  This beast will elevate your leg.  My mom had eye surgery on two separate occasions and both times, Toby parked himself right next to her as she recovered on our couch.

I am a bit paranoid by nature.  But, I have been the benefactor of Toby's compassion.  Lately, I have noticed that he has been following me around like a stalker.  At first, I was thinking maybe my new lotion had a kind of bacon smell to it.  But, no…that wasn't it.  I tried faking him out by running out of the room and hitting up a different room of the house.  But that mammal followed me through the house.  I'll lay down in my bed and that crazy thing will wander upstairs and park himself on my side of the bed.

OK.  For full disclosure, I should mention that I have another tumor.  Remember the tumor they found right after the tornado under my ear?  Well, I have another one on my back.  The first one was benign.  I'm hoping (and my doctor assures me) that this one will be benign too.  But, Toby has me freaked out! I mean, I have quietly pulled him aside and told him not to worry.  I have yelled from behind a closed door, "IT'S BENIGN, YOU FREAK!"  My family assures me that it is all in my head.  They claim that he follows them too.  I'm pretty sure this is a lie since I've been charting how often he ends up by each person in our family.  I'll let you know what comes of the newest tumor.  I have an appointment on Monday.

See what happens when God takes away my stupid television???  I have more time to blog about weird things like my paranoia and my dog's secret powers.  I am obviously off my rocker!

Oh, and for those of you savvy with the world of streaming television, when you cancel your subscription you still have the content until your billing cycle is complete.  So, I've been on this journey of holiness and my family has been binge watching 24 like sugar addicts in a candy store.

I'll leave you with this captivating waste of time while I go read my book.  And no, I didn't add the "Orange is the New Black" memoir to my kindle list.  Although, I totally thought about it.  I mean, it was a free ebook rental from the library.  No.  I'm reading a book about orphanages in China and an organization called Half the Sky.  It is a better fit for me right now.

Also (and this is quite possibly the only good content in this blog post) I want to say thank you to those of you that reached out and shared your struggles with me.  It encouraged me more than you will ever know.  It showed me that we all have different things that pull our hearts away from Jesus.  But, we are all completely loved and cherished by him.  He will keep pursuing us.  More on that later.  Only because I can't possibly mesh my dog and Jesus in the same post.

Love and all that jazz,
jill

The god of Netflix

My mind was filled with an image.  It was a clear image of the path I've been walking lately.  It was a picture of a cross.  Several months ago, I was wrapped around the cross.  My arms and legs were intertwined in a way that made it difficult to see where the cross ended and I began.  In those days, I got my strength and breath from Christ.  He sustained me through the beautiful and complicated days of mothering.  I talked to Him.  I didn't merely throw up a quick prayer and walk on.  We were close.  I could feel purpose in my days.

I'm not sure when the slow fade began.  I can't pinpoint the day I began to untangle myself from the cross.  But over hours, days, weeks, months, a new picture emerged.  This one contained a cross.  But I was no longer wrapped around it.  I had started with a leg.  Just a small part of me was creeping out into culture.  Then I moved on until the new and current image of the cross stood almost alone and only my fingertips remained on it.

I am grateful for the conviction of Christ.  Before I moved too far away to clearly hear His voice, he allowed me to see that things had changed.  We weren't as close as we once were.  My personality had changed.  My heart had changed.  I was still spouting the same Christian Rhetoric.  But my head, heart, and life didn't match the words. I was aware that while my mouth said the right thing to the people around me, I didn't have the empathy or love I once had.  I had been corrupted.  

I was listening to music that was completely inappropriate.  And I stopped caring that my kids were in the car.  I was binge watching shows on Netflix that were filled with vulgar images and content.  Of course, I was still holding onto my self-righteousness!  Hey, its Netflix, not heroine!  But it didn't matter.  The cause of Christ was becoming secondary and culture was becoming my god.  I became very good at justifying it.  I didn't have time to focus on being a good mom or wife.  My house was a mess and I didn't care.  I've always had the desire to be rebellious for God.  Status Quo doesn't interest me.  Give me crazy.  Don't tell me something can't be done for His glory…find a way.  But somewhere along the line…thanks to my deceitful heart…I became rebellious for myself instead.  I put down the Bible and picked up junk.  

Yesterday I came to a crossroad.  I spoke honestly to my husband about everything.  I admitted my addiction to television shows that are bad for me.  I asked him to be my accountability.  I realized that I had a choice to make.  Fingertips on the cross while the rest of my body has moved away is a dangerous position.  What about the passion I had for orphans, brokenness, lonely people?  I was becoming a judgmental jerk.  

It is one thing to make a decision.  It is another thing to do something about it.  

Today, I am in detox.  It is hard!  But it is good.  Last night I cancelled all subscriptions to streaming television.  Please know that this is my own personal journey.  I am definitely not suggesting that a mass exodus from Netflix is necessary.  Ask me how many times I've been tempted to sign back up so I can watch one more episode of Orange is the New Black.  Ummmm, about a million.  But, I'm keeping busy with my kids.  I'm obviously blogging for the first time in three months.  And when the temptation strikes, I pray.  That's it.  That is how today is going.  But guess what I haven't done.  I haven't hidden away in my closet and yelled at my kids when they interrupted a show.  

As a reader, you will probably have one of two reactions.  Either you will feel some solidarity with me and maybe examine your own heart and life for the things that are pulling you away from the cross.  Or you will judge me.  I hope you don't judge me.  

If you feel brave enough, message me and share your own struggles.  A lot of time has just opened up in my day.  :)  I would love to pray for you as we walk this life together.  

Our lives have purpose.  I don't want to be distracted from that and waste my time here on earth.  Thanks for reading and loving me even when I go astray.