Thursday, November 18, 2010
Reality BITES!
I spent an entire afternoon yesterday cleaning our van. I don't think it was even recognizable after I finished. Good-bye french fries! By the time I went to pull it in the garage, I saw that the fabric inside was covered in muddy footprints. Apparently, my children decided to invite friends to play hide-and-seek in the van. A highlight of my day besides washing 15 loads of laundry was picking up our "cow" from the meat processing plant and trying to explain to my four-year-old why we eat meat. I made lasagna in record time and delivered it with children in tow to my husband's school, where we proceeded to scarf down dinner and watch the high school play. I bribed, I threatened, I bribed, I threatened...please be good! Please don't talk! Please don't kick the people in front of you! Please don't touch each other! All of my efforts to show the world that I have it together have left me completely unhinged. I have nothing left. This well is dry! My cup is empty! And I am going to bed. This day has left me defeated and the tears bulging at the lids of my eyes are a dam about to burst. With this post, there is no resolve, no spiritual lesson, no moment of reflection. Just a hope that tomorrow will be a better day and that I will be able to dig deep and find something worth pouring out to the people around me.
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Miss Jill!! You expect too much from yourself. You washed your van, you kept your house together, you provided lasagna, not happy meals, for your family - and all this after talking on the phone for over an hour giving wisdom and perspective and encouragement to your irrational friend. You helped me so much yesterday, I can't even say...
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend.... you are an AMAZING mommy and wife! I will give you the encouragement you are always giving me since these seem to be my 'typical' days more often then not; Give yourself some grace! I was wondering if you made the play last night after all of that.
ReplyDeleteP.S. If you want some help, we can hang out in your garage today with TWO carpet cleaners and tackle those footprints! :)
Well, last week my son proceeded to hit my dear friend who was watching him while I was teaching and when that didn't work (to get what he wanted), he proceeded to go into full verbal attack. Then I came down with laryngitis, followed by a week with no husband...and I was SO hard on myself. Then I had my "aha" moment, we're only aware of our dependence on God and His grace when we are so desperatley aware of how much we need it. Of course, last night when older son proceeded to spill an ENTIRE pitcher of orange juice all over the kitchen I did NOT respond with grace...but I did hit my knees in repentance with him afterwards. Perfect we are not called to be, only faithful.
ReplyDeleteI love you and this hit me right where I am at this morning.