For Love of You

I am feeling the urgency rise up in me.  Each day that passes is wonderful and hard.  I have a thriving family.  But something is missing.  We had a fantastic night last night.  We had zero commitments.  We put on our pajamas and gathered around the table for a lively game of "Life".  My sides hurt today from laughing so hard.   Z kept landing on "lawsuit" and suing us.  Noodle traveled through the whole game with one child and finally got another kid right before he became a grandparent.  D-Dog was more interested in driving the cars around the board....(I'm pretty sure I repeated an entire section of the game.)  And the people fell out of the cars so often, they should all be brain damaged by the end of the game.  But we had a blast.  A crazy, loud blast.  But it just made me happy to see all of us together enjoying the various personalities present.
I asked Z the other day if he wished that he had his own room.  "NO!" he said.  "I like sharing a room with Noodle.  We talk a lot before we go to sleep.  Do you hear us?"  "I hear you laughing," I said.  "What do you guys talk about?  Girls?"  "No.  Mostly, we just talk about random guy stuff."  
While I am enjoying every moment of life (even the ones that are filled with tears and whining children) I still feel this undercurrent of expectation.  I might even describe it as restlessness.  Imagine if you had a child that you loved and you couldn't get to them.  Wouldn't you fight hard?  Do whatever it takes to get to that child?  I feel like every day that goes by is a day that MY child isn't home.  Does that make sense?  Or does it sound like crazy talk?  I've reflected on my sanity lately.  I am well aware that adopting will not make my life easier.  With each child we've added to our family, the "me time" has disappeared a little more.  But I don't care!  God has changed and grown my heart with each member of our family.  I trust that he will do the same this time too.  So, if I seem a little distracted, or if I start to annoy you with my fundraising efforts...please give me grace.  I am simply a mom trying to get to her child.  And if you want to know where this passion comes from, read some of the lyrics to another favorite song of mine by the fantastic Audrey Assad:
"For Love of You"
For love of you/ I'm a sky on fire/ Because of you/ I come alive/ and it's your sacred heart within me beating/ your voice within me singing out/ for love of you...
...And everything I do/ It's all for love of you.
This song is about our passionate love of God.  Loving Him can lead us to do crazy awesome things in life.  It causes people to give up their worldly possessions and travel to a foreign Country to become missionaries.  It causes people to do their jobs with integrity in a corrupt world.  It causes people to support families in third world Countries through things like Compassion International and it causes a family with four children to save money like crazy to adopt another child and make her "family"....for love of You...