Clubhouses and other lessons from my kids

There is a corner of the family room that my children love.  It is the space between two couches.  It has been deemed by my little engineers as the perfect spot for a perpetual clubhouse.  The only problem with the location, in my mind, is that it is located just inside my front door to the right.  So, when visitors come to the door, they are immediately  met with a pile of blankets and pillows.  And I'm not talking about a neat little pile.  It looks more like a blanket monster puked up afghans and pillows all over the corner.
The amazing thing about this new found obsession is that they have to keep rebuilding it.  I am a little OCD about certain things.  I really like order.  It might have something to do with the fact that absolutely nothing is under my control around here and that even though I know it is a battle I will lose, I try to maintain some semblance of neatness.  So, every evening, I systematically deconstruct their clubhouse and fold all of the afghans, put all of the pillows in their respective places and once again, the corner is clean.  But, just like magic, at some point the next day, I look over and see that it has been rebuilt.
This may seem like a tiny little issue.  And I do think it is absolutely adorable!  Especially when they try to lure the dog into their clubhouse with treats.  I hear them giggling inside and making plans for an attack on the dog.  (poor Toby!)  I know some of you reading this will think, "just leave the clubhouse alone, psycho mom!"  But, you can't judge my need for clean!  Through this, though, I have learned some things about myself.  I am a planner.  I love to make lists.  I have been known to go through each room making lists of the things I would like to do in each one.  Repaint, clean out closet, organize papers etc...  I have about a million lists, but not much to show for them.  I chicken out on repainting.  The closets seem too big a task.  You get where I'm going.  I'm also really easily distracted and discouraged.  If I built a clubhouse and someone took it apart, I would probably not rebuild it.  Why bother...it will just get torn apart again tomorrow.  Actually, I'd probably just draw up plans on paper...nobody can mess with that.  It is SAFE!  But, there is no excitement in safe.  There is nothing to gain with safe.  Nobody has fun with SAFE!  I want to be more like my children.  I want to wake up each morning with an entire world of possibilities.  When I get knocked down, I want to get up and rebuild.  I don't want my dreams to die because they stay on paper too long or I'm afraid they won't work out.  I don't want to be safe.  I want to be daring.
Hubby and I had a great time of prayer on Saturday.  We fasted during lunch and talked, sang and prayed.  It was a fantastic time for our marriage.  It is so rare to get that kind of time with him.  And knowing that we were going before God at the same time, for the same purpose was awesome.  I've been feeling convicted lately.  I feel like God is asking us to move forward and start investing financially in the adoption.  I've been holding off on sending in the application because I know the money train will begin.  And I'm scared!  I like my safety.  I want to see the money in the bank before we start...all of the money.  But, God has shown me that I'm trying to control the process.  I will do his will, in my timing.  I don't think it works like that.  That way robs God of the opportunity to be God...to be Glorious...to be AMAZING.  When He asked Esther to go before the King uninvited, He didn't show her right away how things would work out.  That would take FAITH completely out of the equation.  The greatest part of that story is that Esther did it...not knowing how it would end...but trusting that God did.  I want to be more like Esther!  I want to be brave for God!  Please pray for me...for us...during this process.