I hit my husband's car last night. Yes! It is the first accident for me. And sadly, it involved both of our cars. I backed out (completely forgot his car was there) and swiped the side. I scraped and dented the back of the van and the front of his car. I ripped off his side mirror and broke my taillight cover. After he got over his shock, you know what he said? "I'm just glad you weren't in a bad accident. This, we can handle." I have to admit that I felt terrible about messing up our cars (for which we only carry liability...yikes!) But, I was overwhelmed at the grace and love he showed me afterwards. He is now the proud owner of a duct taped side mirror. And he is freezing his butt off now fixing my taillight. In the middle of my post-accident hysterics, I almost said, "well, looks like we're going to have to get that 15 seat van now." Something tells me it was smart to keep that joke to myself!
This is a season of amazing grace. God became a human to extend grace in its purest and most generous form. Because I accepted this gift, my life will forever be changed! Friends extend grace to me on a daily basis. I know I'm not always easy to love. When I don't return that call, or that text, or that smile. I know that the people that keep trying are showing me a grace I don't deserve. Everyone involved in the adoption process has surely shown me grace since I haven't seen any restraining orders out against me. I've nearly driven my social workers crazy! :)
Today it was my turn. Today I braided sweet blonde hair. And thank goodness she was only 4 and had no idea that I can't braid to save my life. Today I snuggled six different kids throughout the day. Today I heard stories and held hands and fed children that were born to me and children that were not. Today, I had the amazing honor of comforting a sweet little girl as she had blood drawn. This little one is an innocent victim of the sins of the world and I got to be a mama to her today. It grew my heart, it was hard work and it scared the crap out of me. What if God puts this on my plate for good? Can I do it? Will I always be exhausted? Do I have the capacity to love six little people? Or will I say "yes" and the door to this will close? Will I still end up on a plane to China in a few months? I don't know any of the answers. And to be honest with you...I've stopped asking these questions of God. This morning as I got ready for the day, I prayed, "Lord, let me love like crazy today. Whatever happens, let me show your grace and your love." I now know that I don't need to ask for a specific outcome. If I open my hands, God will fill them the way he wants. I trust that! I'm still trembling a little at the unknown. But, I trust Him.
Merry Christmas, my dear friends. May you be surrounded by love and grace during this beautiful season!
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