It has been my experience during my walk with Christ that He is very clear. I can usually discern His direction for me based on doors opening and closing. That is a very "churchy" way of saying that "if it don't come easy...let it go!" If it is the right move, everything will fall into place and I'll just know. Now, I'm not sure if that is sound theology. But, I've often used that as a way to know if something was God's will or not. (in addition to the Bible and prayer).
In the past year, that way of thinking has been tested and challenged.
We started the process of adoption over a year ago. We went in with big eyes and nervous hearts. We weren't really sure how this would all work out. We wore our "FAITH" tee-shirts very proudly. It felt great to say...we just trust God that this will work out.
Unfortunately, when we started this process, we "thought" we knew how it would go. We had certain expectations...a timeline, even.
If you have followed this at all, you know that it has been a difficult and painful journey. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking, "why are we doing this?" And I can often read the minds of people around us! "Wow! Those people are crazy. Why do they keep pursuing something that is this difficult?" "They sure have hit a lot of obstacles. Maybe they should give up. It obviously isn't God's plan." Yeah! I've actually heard that one lately. But, here is where the rubber meets the road in my faith. I'm going on record and saying that my faith is different. Thanks to Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith...I have a different brand of faith. It is not circumstantial and it sure isn't easily defeated. I sat down with my Bible this morning and I felt prompted to go back and read the "Hall of Faith" verses in Hebrews 11. Guess what I didn't find in there. I didn't find any stories of great faith where "all the doors opened and it was easy." I didn't find any stories of comfort and security. I didn't find any stories where the people involved knew what the outcome would be as they walked the road of faith. What do they all have in common? They had to trust God when they couldn't see what was ahead. And some of them never even saw the results of their faithfulness. Many times their actions didn't make sense to others. Can we all give Noah a high-five for that one. They wandered into foreign places without security. What's up, Abraham? One of them built a bonfire to roast their own son on...Abraham...not exactly father of the year! And be honest, who wouldn't have packed up their lawn chairs and gone to watch the marching band take down Jericho with their instruments?
The truth is, we LOVE these stories. We're just discouraged when we're asked to live them. I've whined enough to make God cringe. "God, don't you looooooovvvveee me? Why are you making this so hard????"
The truth is: God is building my faith. He is making me someone that is worthy to show up in Hebrews 11. I may never see this story play out to the end, but I'll be part of it. My favorite verse in this entire story is Hebrews 11: 16b "Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God."
I believe God will work this story out the way he wants. And it will be the way that glorifies him the most. Right now we are not even sure the Chinese government will authenticate hubby's birth record because he was born in Taiwan. The option to adopt from China might close right before our eyes. But, I am not discouraged. I am not swayed. When we started this journey, we said, "Ok, God. We'll say yes. You say WHO." We'll continue to wait on Him to show us the "who" and while we're doing it, we'll do our best (with a huge dose of God's help) to make sure that God is not ashamed to be called our God."
It is amazing to even think someone who loved children would call anyone else crazy for wanting to take a child with no home, into their own. To those who aspire to adopt, it is not about money, space, love. Its about being completely selfless and opening up your hearts.
ReplyDeleteJill, you know my adoption dreams. Your family had to all be on board. We have not reached that "all aboard" status. I keep reminding Bill that if we had an "ooops" pregnancy, we wouldn't abort. We would make room, make sacrifices and our hearts would fill with even more love. With four kids, what is one more, right?!
Esther is going to know she was loved from the beginning and that her parents, along with God were carving out a very clear and safe path to China to rescue her.
I was reading last night about this idea that we assume God's will for our lives will be easy, when, in fact, much of the Bible tells a very different story; one of hardship, persecution, loneliness, etc. But, like you said, we are called to follow and have faith that what God has called us to He will bring to completion. Keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteNow you are talking!!
ReplyDeleteThree weeks after Gabriel was born we found a large mass on the side of his neck. I remember saying, "God, why would you finally answer my prayers for a child only to make me go through this?!" Throughout the next month I felt like God just wasn't listening. Then one day I realized that after every inconclusive test, He was speaking to me. "Be still and know that I am God, womanB of little faith. I have been the one to make those tests inconclusive and I will be the one to see you through--no matter what. " Thankfully, the tests came back as a non cancerous mass, and out of this I have learned that God is behind me, before me, beside me through every large mass along the way. Your blogs inspire me, Jill. Thank you for sharing. :) Love, Vee
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this.
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