Tired and Weary

I have an exhaustion that reaches to my bones.  I feel it in my heart and I feel it in my soul.  When supportive people say, "How are you doing?"  My response is, "good."  But that is a lie.  I detest whining.  I have always been a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" kind of girl.  But I don't even know where my bootstraps are.  They could be in a tree behind my house for all I know.  I am in a nice neighborhood with lovely neighbors right now, but i just want to hermit down and hide inside.  My four wonderful children survived a tornado.  So, when I get frustrated because they are jumping on my last nerve, I feel guilty. They have so much baggage right now.  They are all struggling.  But, I don't know if I have the strength to help them.  We are in a nice temporary home.  I should be grateful.  But, I just want to go to my home....the home before the tornado.  I want my boring life back.  I want to be overwhelmed by laundry, not a broken home and devastated children.  My kids sleep with me.  So, I haven't had good sleep.  Someone asked me if I've had any nightmares since the event.  Nope...I can never get deep enough into sleep to even dream.  And the husband that was rarely home because of work before, is here even less now.  He is stressed and tired and frustrated.  I feel like crying, but I'm sick of crying.  I know God has purpose in pain.  But, I want to hit the pause button.  I need a break from pain.  I'm tired.  I'm weary.  And I know I'm not the only one.  I know everyone has their own pain.  So, instead of wallowing in my own sadness, I'll pray for all of us.  I'll pray that God gives us the strength to just keep breathing...just keep trusting...just keep walking forward.