"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8
Tonight I am sitting on the rented couch next to my husband as I type on a borrowed computer in a rented home. If I have ever felt like a stranger in a strange land, this is it! Don't get me wrong. I have nothing to complain about. The house is beautiful. The neighbors are wonderful...especially a certain someone that I have serious love for right now! Erin, you may not know it, but either I'm staying here, or you're moving near me. I'm pretty sure I'll never give you up as a neighbor. :)
It is a strange place to be hanging out, mentally. I am home. But, I am not home. Everything I took for granted disappeared or got shoved onto pods eleven days ago. And i am left with two things. On the mantle in front of me is a sign. FAMILY. Such a simple word. But, such an important part of life. Over the past week and a half, I have realized how large my family really is. I have immediate family, blood family, neighbor family, friend family, and church family. These people have been the glue holding me to reality. When I feel myself sinking into a dark place, one of these dear people remind me of God's purpse in this pain. They are there to do something as simple as sit with me, or as complicated as watch my children. I know that their love has pushed me to dig deep and ask, "What can I do?" I know how much it has meant to me...I want to be that for someone else. The other thing I am left with is my faith. I have seen God provide. I have seen his raw and all consuming love for me. I have stood in a room full of seated people with hands raised in praise to the God that gives me hope each day. Not long ago, I commented to a friend that we learn the most during the valleys...not the mountain tops. Well, folks...school is in session. And I am learning. I was thinking about my pursuit of peace today. I remembered all of the things in my previous home. I remembered the retail therapy attached to some of those items. :) Now, they are collecting dust (and insulation) in pods outside the remains of my home. None of them can provide me with the peace I need. My husband loves me, but he cannot give me the peace I need. Even chocolate cannot provide me with the peace I am craving. In the quiet of the day and the darkness of the night, I can gather my peace from only one source. This verse is my prayer tonight. Psalm 4:8...He will be my peace and my safety tonight.
You are so right, nothing or no one can give us the peace we need except the one and only true living God! May God Bless you and your family in this time of your life! God will put it all back together in time and some things better than before. We really do take for granted what all we have. Sometimes we just need to stop and realize that without Him we would have nothing.
ReplyDeleteDuring our training I came to the realization that even if Brock was taken away from me, I would still stay here or come here because God was all I needed. He showed me how He was the only one who could give me what I needed, the only one who gave peace and that's exactly what He gave me in that moment. I'm praying for you, for His peace to fill you every moment, every time you have to take a deep breath, every time the master deceiver whispers. Our whole team is praying for peace and overwhelming comfort for your precious family! -Polly
ReplyDeleteAwe Jill, such an inspiring post as you are an inspiration to many! We are praying so hard for your family!! I love the scripture and I will continue to pray that God will help you to find that sense of securtiy once again. One foot in front of the other....I love you!
ReplyDeleteJill, God is preparing you to do mighty work. You are absolutely correct about being in school. When I graduated this particular lesson you are in, back in 2005, I had no idea how He intended to use me and how those moments and lessons would give me the tools I would need later. I look back on those months as some of the best in my lifetime.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and the place you are in, but I must confess I am rejoicing for you too because I know this is a sign of amazing things to come. Until you have walked THIS walk you can't fully look at others in this same tragedy with the heart of Christ.
I know it sounds crazy but I've realized that suffering like this is akin to being called up from the AAA team to the major league. You are in the "show" now girl and God is going to do GREAT things in your life and use you for His glory!! Which I know is the greatest desire of your heart.
I am holding you in daily prayer and I long to talk and visit with you when the time is right. Peace be with you.
Jill, I needed this today! I have been praying for your whole family and thank God for giving you these words to share. My valley is very different than yours, dealing with a seriously ill parent, but the struggle and depth of despair is still there. Thank you for reminding me where my eyes belong and on whom I can rely - without fail. Hugs to you and your family.
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