Who doesn't love a great battle? I love reading about battles between good and evil. (mostly when good triumphs over evil) However, I'm usually caught off guard when I'm in the middle of one. I know God is changing me. I have felt closer to Him in the last week than I have for a long time. The simple act of opening my hands and releasing my life to Him has been exhilarating. But, I wonder if this has brought me to the attention of the enemy that so desperately wants me to fail. When I'm singing at Metro for the weekend services, i always notice subtle things. The weekend is a little crazier, the kids are a little louder, my husband is a little less amazing-er. Just kidding. Honey, you are amazing all the time. But, I seem to feel like I'm walking against the wind a little. I mean, don't get me wrong. Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. God always wins. His purpose is always complete. But, all I'm saying is that opposition is real. And I feel it. Have any of you faced opposition lately? When you feel like you are being obedient? How do you handle it? I've always maintained that in a "flight or fight' situation, I am clearly a "flight" kind of girl. You show me a scary situation, I'll show you the best hiding spot! I'm a lover, not a fighter. I avoid confrontation at all costs. Maybe that is why people secretly un-friend me on facebook. Maybe they know I couldn't really handle the confrontation anyway...i digress...
So, after church last night, (great service!!) I was flying so high I was eating clouds. My parents were here for the weekend, and they offered to take the kids home and put them to bed so Hubby and I could have some time on our own. AWESOME!!! What should we do first??? Everything! The possibilities were endless. Oh, except for the fact that everything in our town closes at 9:30pm. :) Anybody feel my pain?
Now, since our encounter with God last Sunday, (cue the church organ)...we hadn't had a lot of time to discuss the adoption. I've done research, prayed, and felt led toward a particular agency. I think we both agree on the Country and program. But, we hadn't gotten down to the nitty gritty. Plus, there are several webinars that would be good for us to watch together. So, our date began with me throwing out the subject. No small talk when you've been married this long. :) I was met with a bit of reluctance. It turns out that my husband is becoming more hesitant. Now, in his defense...the hesitation and desire to think things to death has served us very well in our marriage. I don't want to discount it. It has kept us out of sticky situations, and has gotten us to the point of being debt-free aside from our home loan. Conversely, I tend to be the one running into situations with my eyes closed but with great fervor. (especially things I'm passionate about)
So, putting the brakes on this spiritual journey hit me in the gut a little. I really did begin questioning everything. Did I hear from God correctly? Did the Holy Spirit really speak to us both on Sunday? Am I the one driving this? Or is God? Was He just testing my obedience without wanting me to follow through? I don't know. All I know is that I felt really defeated last night and I knew I needed to focus on God or I would end up in a very bad place. So, when I left for worship this morning, I grabbed a book that I've been wanting to read for a long time. The book is by Mark Batterson, and is titled "In a pit with a lion on a snowy day." Now, I don't know what image that brings to your mind, but I can confidently say that I don't hang out anywhere near lions and I would never intentionally end up in a pit with one...on a snowy or sunny day. The book is based on a Bible story found in 2 Samuel about Benaiah. Apparently, he chased a lion into a pit (a snowy pit) and killed him. It turned out to be a pretty good thing, because he ended up impressing King David with his courage. One of my favorite quotes of the book so far is, "The greatest opportunities are sometimes the scariest lions. Part of me has wanted to play it safe, but I've learned that taking no risks is the greatest risk of all." (p. 14)
So, I've come out from behind my safe rock and I'm ready for the lion. I'm ready for the challenge. I don't know what that means for this journey. But, I do know that it makes me obedient. And obedience is the most important thing to me right now. Please pray for us as we pray for this. Right now, I'm trying to convince my husband that fighting a lion in a pit on a snowy day is a fabulous idea. That should be easy, right??? right??? anybody? Bueller??
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