BRING IT!!!!!

 Yesterday was a craptastic day.  My social worker canceled the meeting because of illness.  I completely understand that.  People get sick.  But, I'm not holding my breath for her to call me back to reschedule.  I've left one phone message and an email...that are, as yet, un-returned.  (SIGH)
My pants don't fit.  Most people (my husband) would say..."have you thought about working out?"  Yep!  I thought about it. But then I went to the pantry and pulled out a chocolate bar.  It may sound like I'm making an excuse for my weight gain.  I could make a legitimate argument that I've had a bit of stress lately.  But, it is just my laziness.  Why can't I be sassy about going to the gym?  I vacillate between:  I need to work off 20lbs at the gym so my pants fit...and...can't I just buy bigger pants???  Maybe I was "born this way."  (credit: Gaga)
But when you see a pregnant woman in her last trimester and you wish wish wish that you were 9 mo. pregnant too, just so you'd have an excuse for your tummy and butt expanding... you I should put a plan in motion.
So, the rest of my craptastic day included a six panel door falling off of my laundry area.  That looks super!

Then, at 10:30, I tried to go out into the garage and couldn't open the door.  Hubby and I fought with it for about 30 minutes before crushing the crazy thing and breaking it.  That looks super too!

By the time we went to bed last night, I felt pretty defeated. I looked at my husband and said, "What in the world are we doing?"  We have hit every obstacle in the book for this adoption.  Things are falling apart around us.  I'm tired, crabby and on the verge of giving up.  And I think our 4:00 dinner hour is the impetus for my weight gain.  'Cause, I'm so stinkin' hungry at 10pm that I eat again.  So, dinner is actually just a REALLY BIG afternoon snack.

It has been difficult for me not to completely abandon this journey.  At times, I've actually wondered out loud if God is trying to shut the door on us and we're too dense to understand it.  But, a sweet pastor posted recently about the difference between trials meant to refine us and trials meant to discipline us.  These two things are different.  God can use trials to bring us closer to Him when we've wandered away.  But, He can also use trials to deepen our faith and our trust in Him as He prepares us for the next big thing..  I want so badly to be faithful.  I want my children...and their children...to say that no matter what, I was faithful.  So, I need focus.  Because the world tells me that "if it don't come easy...let it go!".  But God's word tells me this:  
 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (and ready for an international adoption)  If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.  But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.  Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do. James 1:2-8
Maaaayyyybeeee, God is working out his plan in two very flawed people and the refinement is part of the process.  Would I be prepared for God's amazing plan in my current state?  Only He knows that.  Apparently, there is still work to do. :)  So, to the world that says, "if it is hard work, let it go."  And the enemy that hates redemption in any form, and the items in my house that are falling apart on a daily basis, I say... loud and clear, BRING IT!  I can take it.  Because I'm not on my own.  I've got back-up...His name is God...and maybe you haven't heard, but  He's kind of  big deal! :)