Who is this crazy chick???

Who am I???  I was really struggling with this concept last night.  I felt an overwhelming and oppressing feeling about it.  After a week of post-surgical seclusion, I decided to venture out to our church's Bible School carnival.  It kind of felt like a candy store...you know...all of your favorite candies in one location. :)  Well, it was a large collection of some of the most amazing people I am blessed enough to know.  Can you tell I love our church?  But, this week felt really off.  I love working Bible school.  It is an energy infused, sweaty mess of kids, singing, laughing, crafting, playing, and learning about God.  It is a chance to invest one-on-one with children and show them they are special.  It is a chance to do something with an eternal impact.  So, it felt weird to not be part of it.  As I saw all of the leaders running around with their colored shirts talking with kids, I felt a little, well, jealous.  And...we pretty much spiraled down from there.  I spent the rest of the night in various conversations.  And people were wonderful.  Everyone said sweet things about the way I looked and the benign status of my tumor.  But as I was talking with everyone, all of the fear, doubt, insecurity, and lies started to creep in.  I had a constant stream of secondary conversation taking place in my head between me and myself.  Wait til these people find out I am a fraud. I've had more insane conversations with God than they can comprehend.  They think I'm all spiritual.  They don't know that at one point, I was ready to throw in the towel on my faith.   They will all get tired of me soon.  I have hit my drama limit.  First a tornado, then a tumor...soon they will realize that I am way too high maintenance of a friend to keep around.  I even found myself thinking, "Why do any of these people really want to be my friend?"  Am I coming on too loud with my attempts at friendship?  Do I seem needy?  Self-focused?  Do I make enough meals for people?  Do I listen enough? Do I offer to watch enough of my friends' kids?  Do I volunteer enough at church?  Do I smile enough?  Do I pray enough?  Do I give God glory, or try to steal it for myself? Do I look like a good enough wife?  Do I look like a good enough mom?  Am I a loser for staying at home?  Should I go get a "real" job?  
And finally...the blessed Holy Spirit realized that my head was about to spin off in the parking lot...and I heard a firm and loving  SHUT UP!!!!!
and the voice of Truth (Thank you, Dawn for that teachable moment that was meant for your kids, but spoke to me) silenced the rantings in my head.  And this is what I heard instead:

I am God's child ~ John 1:12

 I am a friend of Jesus Christ ~ John 15:15

I have been justified ~ Romans 5:1

I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit ~ 1 Corin. 6:17

I have been bought with a price, and I belong to God ~ 1 Corin. 6:19-20

I am a member of Christ's body ~ 1 Corin. 12:27

I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child ~ Ephesians 1:3-8

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins ~ Colossians 1:13-14

I am complete in Christ ~ Colossians 2:9-10

I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ ~ Hebrews 4:14-16

I am free from condemnation ~ Romans 8:1-2

I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances ~ Romans 8:28

I am free from any condemnation brought against me, and I cannot be separated from the love of God ~ Romans 8:31-39

I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God ~ 2 Corin. 1:21-22

I am hidden with Christ in God ~ Colossians 3:1-4

I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me ~ Philippians 1:6

I am a citizen of Heaven ~ Philippians 3:20

I have not been given the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me ~ 1 John 5:18

I am the branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life ~ John 15:5

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit ~ John 15:16

I am God's temple ~ 1 Corin. 3:16

I am a minister of reconciliation for God ~ 2 Corin.5:17-21

I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm ~ Ephesians 2:6

I am God's workmanship ~ Ephesians 2:10

I may approach God with freedom and confidence ~ Ephesians 3:12

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me ~ Philippians 4:13

 Victory Over the Darkness:
Realizing the Power of Your Identity in Christ
by Neil T. Anderson

If you have found yourself in the same place as me, I encourage you to read each one out loud and claim it.  The enemy will try to make us question who we are.  But, God's word shows us daily who we really are.  Yeah, I'll step it up on the meals for friends, I'll get back into the groove of serving at church and I'll pray that God makes me a better listener and friend.  But, I'll cling to the verses that remind me of who I am in Christ.