Letting Go:

This morning, my eleven year old son left for a Scout camp in Arkansas.  He will be gone for one whole week and I have no control over his safety or his surroundings.  And I have perfect peace.  I have learned over the past few months that we only control the choices we make.  We are responsible for our own decisions.  But there are so many things we can't control.  I couldn't control the tornado and I had no control over the tumor.  But, God has held me through both.  I can clearly see that He holds our family.  As I hugged Z this morning and sent him off for an adventure and a little bit of freedom, I wasn't letting go of my son and sending him into a wacky world.  I was letting go and releasing him into God's care.  One of the beautiful reasurrances that I have as a Christian is that wherever my kids go...God goes with them.  Z has Christ in his heart.  I cannot imagine ever losing such a vibrant part of my life.  But, I have peace.  God goes with Z and Z goes with God.  That leaves me free to pray for him, recover from surgery, and spend a little extra time with the other three kids.  Those of you that know me well, know that this completely goes against my character.  I am the girl that used to constantly write a "worst case scenerio guide" in my head at all times.  I could tell you what could and would go wrong in every situation.  Fear ruled my life.  Throughout my life lessons, I've been watching God chisel away at my fear.  It is a painful thing...but it is a good thing.  I trust Him. 
So, my mom is leaving tomorrow.  I am super grateful for her help.  She has cooked, cleaned, taken care of kids, washed laundry, and sent me back to bed a thousand times.  I could not have come through this surgery without her.  My dad fed me cookies, tormented the kids, and kept track of my incision.  Hubby kept the pain pills coming, made sure I had lots to drink, and spent hours just sitting on the bed beside me while I slept.  Isn't it such a wonderful feeling to slip off into a drug-induced break from pain while your beloved is inches away.  AHHHH.  bliss!  Side note...he was writing a very interesting paper while he kept watch.  He's smart too!!
And, of course...I have to mention how amazing my kiddos have been.  D-Dog would come to bed with me and bring stuffed animals for me to swaddle.  We would sit and play "baby animals" during my awake times and he would just sit next to me sucking his thumb and holding his blanket while we watched a movie.  B transferred his clingy-ness to my mom!  Thank you, B.  That's enough! :)  Noodle jumped into the kitchen and helped my mom cook almost everything.  Wow!  That boy can cook.  And Z was so busy packing for camp, but he would stop to make sure to give me a quick hug and kiss.  What great kids~
Just a quick note to self...next time I have surgery...I will make sure a male friend isn't having surgery the same day.  Because when he shows up in public two days later in 150 degree temps, claiming to only be taking Tylenol while I'm amped up on Vicoden and sleeping my life away...I won't feel like such a loser! :)  You know who you are, EL!  Simmer down a little.  I'm praying that we both get amazing results from pathology this week.  But instead of following my usual M.O...I think I'll just "let go".