That's a crazy idea!

The last time I came on here and announced a pursuit, I had NO idea what was barreling at me four months into the future.  But, with a bit of trepidation and a whole lot of "what in world am I doing," I am beginning another pursuit.  The idea has been spinning around in my head for about a year.  But, I have shot my self-confidence with an arrow too many times to count.  Here it comes..are you ready?


I'm writing a book.


Well, as soon as Best Buy delivers a keyboard that doesn't stttttiiiccckkkk.

My favorite books to read are non-fiction.  I read my fair share of fiction too.  But there is something that draws me into the REAL stories of life.  I love following the author on a journey of self-discovery.  And, to be completely honest, it is refreshing to find out that the weird and crazy thoughts I've had exist in other brains as well.

So, what will this book look like?  And why am I telling anyone about it?  Right?  Accountability.  I'm hoping that people might say, "Hey...how's the book going?"  In the same way Myfitnesspal says, "Hey, put down that Twix bar!"

I'm hoping to merge together some funny and poignant stories from life with photos to create an entertaining and transparent look at my journey.  My hope is that others will see how God turned a  broken life into a blessed life... in a broken world.

So, that's it.  Pursuit take 2!  (without the tornado, please!) :)  and yes...my book will have emoticons!

Thanks for reading!

Move me!

Proverbs 16:9 (NLV)
"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps."

This scripture is true!

Actually, I have to thank my husband for this scripture reference because he shared it with me on the way home from church tonight.

My plans today had me sitting in my hello kitty pajamas, playing with my kids, forgetting that myfitnesspal exists and maybe reading my book.

But the LORD determined my steps.  And they were out of my comfort zone...and they were beautiful...and they were life-changing.

It all became clear on a dark and stormy night.  No, seriously... :)

My parents came to visit today.  And in their very sweet and generous way, they took us out to eat.  While my husband and I were driving to the restaurant, we were deeply engrossed in a conversation about a young friend we know that is in a precarious predicament.  The conversation followed that in this world, we will mess up.  We will take God opportunities and throw them away for our own selfish choices.  But, the bottom line is this:  GOD LOVES PEOPLE!  He loves them all!  With an irrational love.  So, what is our response?  We are called to love them too!  Even through their yuck!

Fast forward to lunch...  We were seated in the restaurant and our waiter came to introduce himself.  He was a man that many would judge immediately.  His ways were effeminate and he just seemed frazzled and slightly desperate for approval.  We were extra kind.  I showed him my dazzling smile.  I applauded his efforts even though he completely confused the order and everything was painfully slow.  I could sense that he needed something that life wasn't giving him.  He shared with us a physical ailment that was causing him to be "off his game".  I smiled (once again gracing him with my pearly white-ish teeth) All the while, I was sitting so comfortably in my Christianity looking down at the world and the problems in it, just knowing that my great cheesy grin was the answer to it all.

Imagine the way my heart was caught in my throat when I saw the table next to us filled with two burly guys and their families reaching out to put their hands on OUR waiter and pray for him.  Yes!  You read that right.  Right in the middle of a busy lunch time rush, God's people shut out the rush of the every day and shared Jesus with someone that clearly needed to know that there was a God and that God loved him!  I felt small.  I felt really small.  We are Christ's hands and feet.  We should always be asking..."is there something more I could do?"

Fast forward to evening...we were sitting in church, hearing a sermon about God's crazy irrational love.  At then end, and just before prayer, a song was shared.  In the middle of the song, something caught my eye.  Two people from across the room were standing.  My mind was racing.  Who would be standing in the middle of a special?  And WHY?  As I looked out of the corner of my eye, I could see that it was two young people.  As the awareness continued, something crazy happened in my heart.  All I could see is a room FULL of people and my heart began asking, "Why isn't someone moving?"  "Why isn't someone going to pray with them, to stand with them, to let them know that God is moving and it is normal to do the abnormal when the Holy Spirit shows up."  My heart began to pound.  I knew what was coming.  God began speaking loudly to my soul.  He had determined my steps throughout the day.  He had shown me what an impact His people can have for HIS glory.  So, with shaking knees, I got up and went around the room and joined these strangers.  As our pastor prayed, I put my hand on the back of the young man.  And prayed with them.  I don't know their story.  But, I don't need to.  All I needed to do was pray...and BE PRESENT!

God could have left it at that.  

But He didn't.

He let me meet these sweet people after the service and hug the boy that I prayed for.  A connection was made.  And I have the name of a boy that I will continue to lift up to God.

I am a super flawed person.  I constantly miss the beautiful opportunities that God lays before me.  But, tonight I saw it.  God is real and He loves us all.  There is nothing amazing about me...I just serve an amazing Savior.  Tonight He reminded me that He pursues us with crazy love.  I am incredibly grateful to know this love and I hope you have opened your heart to see it too! :)

Have a blessed night, friends. 

Belly Buttons and deep thoughts!

This is a picture of my daughter's belly!  Why in the world am I posting a picture of my daughter's belly?  Because we were playing around last night and I was tickling her.  Her shirt slipped up and I caught sight of her tiny little belly button.  And it stopped me in my tracks.  This, as you know, is the connection point between mother and child during pregnancy.  This belly button is a perpetual reminder that my daughter was once connected to another woman.  She received vital nutrients through this connection.  At birth, it was cut.  On a chilly day in November of 2010, it was severed forever.  I will never know the woman that gave birth to my sweet, affectionate, funny little girl.  I sometimes think I catch glimpses in the smiles, laughter, and jokes we get from Es.

I will never know the circumstances that prompted a mother to place her baby alone without any belongings at the edge of a field near a shed in the countryside of China.  But my heart breaks for her.  She is missing out.  Why is the world so broken?  Why does the term "orphan" exist?

My sweet baby girl is finally showing signs of deep attachment.  She will often be heard saying over and over, "Essie and Mama!  Essie and Mama!"  It is almost like she needs to verbally confirm that we are, in fact, together.  My response is always the same.  "Essie and Mama FOREVER!"

As God continues to heal Essie's heart, I pray that He will grow mine.  I pray that He will keep Essie's birth mom constantly on my heart and that I will be faithful to pray for her.  After all, through this sweet baby girl that I call daughter, we are also linked!

Adoption may begin with brokenness, but God weaves a story of redemption.  And it is beautiful!

When Love Takes You In

There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman with this title.  The lyrics follow:  "When love takes you in, everything changes.  A miracle starts with the beat of a heart.  When love takes you home and says you belong here, the loneliness ends and a new life begins."

This song makes me cry.

I know we must look like a crazy crew sometimes.  Our clothes don't always match.  Our hair might not be brushed.  And our house is usually a disaster.  But, we are FAMILY!  And in this family, there is no distinguishing between "born from my body" and "born from my heart".  These little people are my life.  And when I see them together, my heart feels something big.  God took four unique and beautiful little boys and crafted their hearts to care for the lonely.  He grew four little souls in a way that allowed them to look at a small girl from China and say, "You belong here!"

This abundant love makes me cry.

We all know the story.  Even if we've never been to church...we know the story.  God came to earth as a baby to live a perfect life and die OUR death.  But, what do we do with that?  Accept the gift!  Absolutely!  But, what is our response?  My only response to this level of sacrifice is to give my life back.  My dreams are replaced with His Will.  My desires are replaced with His heartbeat.

My prayer is that I will do this...every day.  I have the amazing opportunity to serve with every breath I breathe.  I ask God to give me the obedience to act when He prompts.

I have so far to go.  There are so many rough edges that need smoothed.  So many lessons to be learned.  So many areas of my life that need refinement.

But today, the lesson was in gratefulness...and belonging...and love.  And it was a beautiful lesson!

Happiness is:

NO MORE SCHOOL!!!

Chinese Food!!!

Making Cupcakes!!!

Daddy's HOME!!!

Eating cupcakes!!!

The things that really matter

We have all seen the news.  And I can guarantee that all of our thoughts are preoccupied and our hearts are broken over the tragic mess of Friday in NewTown Connecticut.  Every mom, dad, or grandparent that did school drop-off or loaded their kids on the bus was weighed down with some extra anxiety.  I had to keep my emotions in check this morning as I drove the kids to school.  "Don't show fear...don't show anxiety...and for pete's sake...don't embarrass them by screaming out...JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU!" as they run inside the building.
But this is nothing new for me.  I have a confession:  The events at Sandy-Hook Elementary didn't begin a way of living and way of thinking for me.  It just reminded me why I do it.  And I know there are many of you out there that parent the same way.  So, this blog is a reminder of why we parent the way we do.

Christmas is approaching.  At my house, we are not talking about the latest and greatest gadgets.  We are not making Christmas lists.  My kids know that they will each be receiving three totally rockin' Christmas presents from us this year.  They will also be exchanging with each other and will be blessed enough to get presents from others that love them.  But, we are not going into debt. And we are not getting them everything (hmmmm, really anything) that they are asking for.  Now, I am completely aware that they may grow up and form families of their own someday and be heard saying, "When I was a kid, we only got three presents...so we're going to have a much better Christmas around here."  Although I hope they don't! :)

In my humble little opinion (and with a huge disclaimer that I'm a major hot mess and completely disorganized) I will share what my kids are actually getting for Christmas this year that does not come wrapped in a box.

Parents with a solid marriage.  No matter what the circumstances...Rodney and I will always make this thing work.  Because, we realize that people don't make marriages last...God does.

Siblings!  Because as we walked through the visitation line last night for a dear friend's mother,  I saw three siblings standing together with their grief.  I looked at my husband and said, "I'm so glad that our kids will have each other someday when we go "home".

LOVE.  I tell my kids that I love them EVERY DAY!  I hug them EVERY DAY!  I help them with their homework and I listen to their stories.  I laugh at their jokes and I cry when they're hurt.  I discipline them in love and always work to help them become the amazing people that God created them to be.

And the best gift we could ever give them as parents is jesus.  From the time they were babies, we've shared God's love and sacrifice with them.  Most of our lessons to them in life have been centered around making choices that help them love God and love Others.  We have actively participated as four of our five children closed their eyes and in small sweet voices, asked Jesus to be in charge of their lives.

We live in a sinful world.  God didn't turn his back on Connecticut and He doesn't turn His back on you.  This world was never going to be perfect.  We live out a measly few years here on Earth in the hopes that anything we do will help other people know God...know Christ and that it will transform their lives.

I pray that God doesn't ask me to give up my children.  It is a pain that I never want to know.

But as I drove them up to the doors of their elementary school this morning, I had a peace that passes all understanding!  Evil is present in the world...But so is God.  And God wins.  The end has already been written.  I have that peace!!  My children entered into their day covered in prayer, feeling secure and completely loved with God's promises and God's presence covering them.   As a believer, I have the hope and promise that while evil was storming the halls of an elementary building taking lives of tiny children...that God was also present taking those sweet babies home to be in His constant care.  I will pray for the families that lost loved ones.  But, my main prayer will be that they completely embrace God's love and see their sweet little children in Heaven someday.

This is how you snuggle with three people

Treasures in Heaven

Hubby and I were talking last night about our past Black Friday pursuits.  "Remember the Nintendo DS we stood in line for?"  Hubby asked.  "Yes!"  I responded.  "Where is it now?" asked Hubby.  Sadly, I have no idea.  It seems that the popular trend is to chase an item down like it is the last drink of pure water and then discard it the following year for the next best thing.  I've already addressed Black Friday on here.  You all know how I feel.  I've engaged in some pretty fun nights out with my husband stalking the deals.  I also get that most of the time it is about the experience with friends and family.  I don't see anything wrong with that!  I think it is a great opportunity for families and friends to store up some good memories.  I just don't want to be so consumed with things that won't even matter in a month.  I will NEVER abandon my family on Thanksgiving to sit outside a store.  And let's be honest.  If I want absolute chaos, people running everywhere and lost sleep...I can find that at my house. :)

As Thanksgiving approaches, my heart is completely focused on a treasure that will NEVER lose its appeal.  It will never be pushed to the back of a drawer.  This treasure is my daughter.  Of course, I view all of my kids as treasures.  But, for obvious reasons, the newest member of our family is part of a journey that has forever changed me.  

I watched the video "Half the Sky" yesterday while snuggling my sick little girl.  It is a tough documentary to watch, but so good.  It puts life into perspective!  I encourage you to see it.  It physically hurts my heart to think about what Essie's life would be like if we hadn't adopted her.  

So, while I would like to wish you a very happy Thanksgiving...I also want to challenge your heart to be on the lookout this season for "Treasures in Heaven."

Matthew 6:19-21

 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.  Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

My Treasure