Unbelief

 ^{Mark 9:23-24}
“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
  Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” 
 No one wants to admit that they have belief issues...especially someone that has known the "truth" forever and has seen God move on more than one occasion.  The first time I became really aware of God's power was when I was in college.  I had been drifting along happily having one foot in the world, and a toe in Christianity.  In a seeming blink of an eye, I had transferred schools, ended a relationship, moved away from my "old" life and fell heart first into my genuine faith in Christ.  When I look back on that time, it seems like a blur.  Everything seemed to fall into place, make sense, flow.  I saw it again when my husband and I moved overseas.  Now this one, I remember a little less smoothly (on my part.)  You could say that I went overseas excited yet kicking and screaming.  And the first six months were a rare mix of exhilaration and sadness.  God was showing up in my life in big ways and He was changing me.  I wouldn't see it until years later, but He was molding me to be just like Him.  Looking back always makes things so clear.  If I could always see the end result at the beginning, I'd be the most faithful person out there.  Unfortunately, I am a skeptic.  And when skepticism and faith collide, it gets tricky.  My heart tends to chase after God with such amazing fervor.  After all, who doesn't feel the eyes sting when they see an orphan digging through trash for something to eat?  Who doesn't feel compelled to help when they hear a story of someone struggling through circumstances?  We all do.  All of our hearts are tugged by something.  So what I feel at the sight of a fatherless baby...with medical issues that are impossible in her Country, but fixable in ours...is easy to understand.  What I have come to realize is that while we all feel that compassionate tug, it doesn't immediately illicit a response.  Getting involved requires belief that God will show up and the situation will work out for His glory.  Here is my confession...see if you can relate.  I find it very easy to believe that Christ can do ANYTHING...when things are falling into place.  It is almost like life is wrapped in a golden frame.  This is the right choice.  But, when things seem more complicated...or gasp...you begin an adoption on pure faith because you have no idea how you'll pay for it...well...you see where I'm going.  Belief becomes more of a slippery concept to hold.  I do believe that God calls us in His word to care for orphans.  I do believe that He put it on our hearts to bring a fatherless child into our family.  I do believe that He will provide the resources for an adoption.  But, I need supernatural help to hang onto that belief when I can't see the outcome yet.  The scripture at the beginning of the post comes from a story in the New Testament about a boy that was possessed by evil spirits.  His father had grown very weary of this situation and he presented the boy to Christ with the plea, "if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."  This was the reason for Christ's response at the top.  "If you can? Anything is possible for one who believes."  I don't want to forget the outstanding ways God has moved in my life.  I want to trust Him to see this process through.  When I'm looking at $50 here and $500 there and $10,000 over there (yes, you read that right) I don't want to limit God to what I see in my bank account.  I don't want my response to His call to be, "If you can.." But rather, "I know you can."
Father, I believe!  Please help me overcome my unbelief.