Toy Store

I'm going to do it!  I'm going to write about the "Save the Toy Store" campaign.

See, I have friends uttering statements on both sides of the fundraising fence.  And it seems like the friends asking, "Why?"  keep getting lambasted.  So, I wanted to come here and sort it out...according to my slightly strange take on things.

In a town where Walmart is expanding while Sam's Club is being erected, little homegrown shops are being put out of business.  Not sure why that large rat on 159 isn't setting things right.

We all long for simple.  We all long for the good guy to win.  We all desperately want to be part of something bigger than ourselves.  I can completely understand why this story has drawn attention.  I can also understand why people would donate at a rate of $1000/hour to save this business.  We live in an age where we feel like our freedoms are hanging by a thread and we're tired of politics.  When we have the opportunity to jump in and save the "little guy" we leap with both feet.  They are, after all, one of us.  The small business owner against the shady bank.

But, I also understand why this is inciting opposite feelings for others.  While it is a very noble cause.  It isn't saving lives.  We live in a world of excess.  We have too much food, too much space, too many freedoms, and too many toys.  It is easy to forget that while we are throwing money at a toy store campaign, there are children dying of disease because they lack clean water.  There are orphans languishing in orphanages because we "don't have enough money to adopt them."  People are homeless, for goodness sake!

So where do I stand?

I'll tell you what.  If you start a facebook campaign to raise money for me and let me choose where to send it...it will go to "the least of these" every time.  There are no Biblical calls to save businesses.  Even though it is extremely sad to let go of something special.  But, there are clear Biblical directives about caring for widows and orphans.  And I think this is why people are struggling so much with this situation.

Here is where I stand.  When all the orphans are in families.  And when all the foster children in the US are safely "HOME"  I will happily engage in causes such as this.  Until then, I'm going to have to direct all of my extra resources to campaigns that save lives.

But, I have mad love for every good heart out there that doesn't agree with me.

That's the beauty of life.  We can disagree and still love each other.

Perceptions

I was having a conversation with a group of people over the weekend about big families.  I commented that I would happily add to our family through adoption again at some point.  And a comment was made to me that hit me in a funny way.  This particular person doesn't have children, isn't married, and probably hasn't even thought about family yet.  But, he (yes, he) said to me, "Maybe you should just be grateful for what you have."

I have to admit, I recoiled a little on the inside.  Then, I felt ready to strike.  I'm not talking about a beanie baby collection.  I'm talking about real people.  I'm not even talking about pregnancy.  I'm talking about souls that already exist.  And then the insinuation that I'm not grateful for my children made me feel like I needed to defend myself.  

I understand that there are crazy people in the world with big families that build them to fulfill a need in their own hearts. 

That's not me.  

Caring for children is God's calling on my life.  I am sure of it.  Nothing energizes me like it.  Nothing challenges me and grows me spiritually like being a mom.   And my heart is especially tender toward little ones without a mom.  

I realize that this is not everyone's calling.  There are many wonderful things that I see people engaged in, that I could never do.  When Es was in the hospital,  I was constantly in awe of her health care providers and the ease at which they did their job.  At one point, I thought...I should totally be a nurse!  And then Es threw up all over herself and her bed.  And I thought...I should NEVER be a nurse!  But I am super grateful for the people that God calls to be doctors and nurses.  I could go on and on with different skills and abilities that I admire in others.  But for me...caring for kids is where I land...every time.

I know each of my children to their very core.  Did you know that each child has a unique smell?  I know their moods, their likes and dislikes.  I know what makes them afraid, and what builds them up.  I see them as amazing individuals.  And I have a completely unique relationship with each of them.  They are not a collection.  They are my family.  

And as long as there are children without families, my heart will always hurt for them.  I may not be able to add them to my "herd"  But, I will advocate and drive people crazy about them.  

Because the bottom line is this:  The only thing we get to take with us to heaven are the people we connect with.  The houses, cars, money, belongings...will all rot away.  And if I can fit one more of "the least of these" into my van on the way to Jesus...I will!  And I'll be grateful...for all of them. 

Life

Good Morning!  This is how we're rockin' it today.  We are in our pajamas, wearing super cool glasses and neither of us are wearing make-up!  :)  Please try NOT to be jealous of our morning hair.  Some people are born with it.  We have no control over our awesomeness!  bahahahaha!

Obviously, Es pulls off the morning look better than I do.

Why am I on here this morning?  Today, my heart is centered on the frailty of life.  This sweet baby girl is in my arms, but there are thousands more still waiting for families.

I keep emailing a file of a little China baby to my husband's work account.  He still says "NO!"  I even changed our screen saver to her picture...no cigar!  So, it looks like you all will have to step up and adopt her! :)

This morning, I sent five of my beautiful family members out the door.  Releasing them into God's care...I am aware that they are a gift.  I am careful with the words I say as they leave.  Because I know that we are not given guarantees.  Life is fragile.  We need to be careful with the ones we love.  This world has taught me that.  God has taught me that what we do with every minute we are given COUNTS!  So, what will you do with this day?  What impact will you make?  Will you be careful with your words?  Will you be careful with the people you love?  I pray that God will make me a gracious person today.  I pray that love will OOOOOZE out of my heart!

Have a beautiful Friday, everyone!

Sitting in the PICU

I am currently sitting in a super uncomfortable chair in the PICU while my daughter listens to fireflight on my phone and applies hello kitty chapstick at a rate of once per 15 seconds.  She has seriously bodacious lips right now. :)  It has been a long night with very little sleep.  When she's medicated, she's content.  When the meds run out, she's a mess.  I can't blame her.  She has a large incision on her back and she has been lying flat for several hours.  Her favorite pastime is watching videos on my phone of her glory days...doing flips in the living room at home.  I keep promising her that she'll flip again soon. 

It is hard to believe that six months ago I didn't even know this child.  She feels so much a part of me that I can't remember life without her.  Staying here with her through her surgery has been tough.  And I'll be honest...I'm really tired.  But, I am counting it joy to be here serving her.  God is using this experience to allow me to die to myself and serve Him.  The selfish me would love to be at home in my comfy bed sleeping.  Oh how I love sleep.  But, as I comfort her, dodge her smacks of discomfort, bring her drinks, and change positions in this terrible chair...it works in my heart. 

I think about how for two years of her life she didn't have this.  She didn't know the consistent love of a mom and dad.  This is building her trust. 

I think about how God doesn't leave us.  He is always near to us.  Even in our pain and discomfort, he is there.  A loving father that comforts us, dodges our smacks of discomfort, brings us the things we need, and never regrets the sacrifice.

This is love.  And it is good.

The quiver is full! :)

When I see this picture, my heart almost explodes!  But, I also feel slightly overwhelmed at the weight of responsibility!  These are five of the most amazing people in the world.  And I have the luxury of calling them mine...here on earth.

I am scared to death of letting them down.

What if I don't give them enough of me?

This morning, B gave me a run for my money where patience is concerned. ATTITUDE!  Where did my tender-hearted sweet boy go?  D-Dog has been dethroned as my baby.  And each night at bedtime his plea for "one more snuggle" echoes  in my ears.  Yes.  I will climb in bed with you and snuggle...because someday you won't want this.
Z is a full-on teenager.  Complete with the lingering scent of Axe body spray and the warp speed journey through puberty.  "He's only in our home for five more years!!!" My head screams.  Soak it up.  His sense of humor is closest to my own.  He makes me laugh...He makes me see the things to laugh about.  I already miss him and he's not gone yet.  Noodle!  He is a mystery to me.  He is so completely opposite in personality to my own.  Yet, I am drawn in by his quiet way.  He is tenderness encased in an athlete's body.  He knows what buttons to push, but he would give away his last stick of gum to a sibling.  And E.  The surgery, the unknown, the toddler drama, the abandonment issues.  How can I meet your needs as a mommy?

My heart is full...and heavy.  So much love and so much to care for.

2 Chronicles 1:10
Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

I trust that God, who has guided my steps, will give me what I need to lead these five amazing individuals straight into HIS arms.

Xin Nian Kuai Le

Happy Chinese New Year!  Today officially kicks off the year of the snake.
And boy...what a difference a year makes!

Here are two of my dear friends and I last year at this time.  We were all three waiting on our Chinese daughters.

And here we are a year later with our laps (and our hearts) FULL!!!

And this year, we added our friends and their Korean daughter to the mix.

This is my sweet girl.  We share the zodiac sign of the Tiger.  Maybe that's why we got off to such a feisty start.

Here are the three girls together.  Yes!  We bribed them with candy!

Here is E with her look-a-like "sister" O! :)

And finally...five beautiful girls whose lives are FOREVER changed by adoption...whose parents are incredibly blessed...

The long and short of it...

To all of the amazing friends that prayed for Es today...Thank you!!!

She did really well through the scan.  She handled the anesthesia well until she woke up and tried to beat me up for two hours.  Apparently she handles her stress by lashing out at me.  I can take it.  I feel much stronger than I did in China.  

We met with her neurosurgeon after the MRI.  These are the results (as I understand them)

Her official diagnosis is lipomeningocele.  

China did NOT operate on her spina bifida at all.  They simply closed the skin and didn't touch the defect at all.  Our doctor suspected this was the case...hence the MRI.  

Her spinal cord is abnormally long and is tethered to fatty tissue in her sacral area.  She has a neurogenic bladder  (which is why we will have to work to make her socially continent)  

If we did nothing, her cord would stretch and eventually she would lose all bowel and bladder function as well as the ability to walk.  Can you imagine what her future would have been like in China???  My heart won't even let me go there with my sweet precious baby.

So, our doctor is recommending surgery.  He will take out two bones, and separate the nerve roots from the fatty tissue.  He will also close up a sinus tract in that area.  (basically a tunnel between the fatty tissue that links her spinal cord to the surface of her skin.)  She is currently at an increased risk for meningitis and other bacterial infections through this opening.

She will always be "tethered."  All that means is that we will have to watch her closely for symptoms of nerve damage throughout her life (mainly during periods of growth)

That's the skinny on today.  I won't lie.  It was really stressful.  My dear friend, Joanna, came to the rescue and kept a feverish B today.  I'm so thankful!  Also thankful for the other wonderful offers that came our way to keep B.  

Now Hubby and I have to figure out when to schedule surgery.  Please pray for good timing and wisdom in this.  God has been so faithful.  I felt Him multiple times throughout the day.  

The bottom line is this:  

It is even more real to us than ever before that God loves orphans!  He chose a family for Es, pulled us out of our comfort zone and gave us the means to go after her.  It is redemption!  Pure redemption!  And our lives may be more complicated now than they were before adoption...but our lives are also more beautiful.  Forever thankful that God is taking us on this journey!!!