Fundraising (HOT TOPIC)

It was recently brought to my attention that fundraising for adoption has a very negative vibe associated with it.  To be clear, it wasn't anyone in my "real life".  It was talked about on a message board.  But, it made me wonder how many others hold that same view.  I have to be honest.  I sometimes get judgmental when people talk about their money woes, as they turn off their 500 inch TV screen and grab the coach purse on the way out to the Escalade.  But, who wouldn't roll their eyes at that?  That's just silly.  But, what about our situation?  Do people roll their eyes at us?  Do they say behind our backs, "If they have to fundraise, they shouldn't be adding kids to their family!  Don't they already have, like, 20 kids?"  When we started this process, we had a whopping zero dollars to kick it off.  But, we also have a God that loves orphans and wants them in homes.  James 1:27 is another one of my favorite verses.  It talks about caring for orphans and widows.
Throughout this $30,000 adventure, God has shown up in amazing ways.  I've had some amazing friends that have donated money for some pictures.  We've had dear friends send checks.  And that tax refund has come in pretty handy.  Last weekend, we had a massive garage sale.  My dear friend, Sherri, allowed us to host it at her home.  Several awesome people in our lives donated things to sell.  Over the entire sale, we raised approximately $1,350 to go toward Es!
The next fundraiser on the horizon is a trivia night/dessert auction.
We have applied for grants, and we've cut our spending.  All of this in an effort to go after one of God's little ones.
So, as I was reflecting on the fundraising controversy, I came to a very clear conclusion.
We live in a country of extreme wealth.  Even the most modest of us are included in the top 5% of wealth in the world.  And this won't sink in unless you've actually SEEN true poverty.  It is out there!
So, do I feel guilty asking my "wealthy" friends (haha!  I know you'll laugh at that one!) for fundraising help?  I do not!  I would never guilt or force.  It is completely voluntary! I am grateful for the amazing people in my life that see it that way.
As I see it, if adoption was more affordable, more people would do it. So, let's take the stigma away from asking for help.
Throughout the fundraising weekend, when I would get tired, or hot, I would think of my sweet Esther sitting in an orphanage.  Whatever I was doing, wasn't half as hard as what she was doing.
And if I'm not willing to go out on a limb and ask for help...what then?  I can't leave it up to the people that have an extra $50,000 in the bank to adopt Esther!  What if nobody goes after her.  She will age out of an orphanage.  She'll be the sad looking older child waiting for a family because too many people are freaked out about her special needs.  Eventually she'll be out on her own and have no one.

OR

I could fundraise a little and let the fantastic people in my life gain some joy in helping to adopt this little girl and give her a family for life.  She'll have four protective brothers and she'll never be alone again.  We'll see the scars of her special needs and we'll know that every effort was worth her life.

I choose THAT!  And hopefully, you would too! :)
So, this puts the issue to bed in my mind.  Fundraising for adoption is ok.  In fact, it is wonderful.  Last week, I was incredibly blessed by the people that helped out.  It had the added benefit of strengthening friendships and providing some serious laughs!  And it put us $1350 closer to Esther!  In fact, my mind is spinning a little right now.  Because I'm already thinking of what we'll do when Es is home.  Maybe annual fundraisers for other adoptive families...or something that would help others do what we're blessed enough to do.  I'll have to keep praying about it.

Love to my peeps!  Thanks for reading my crazy rants. :)  Hope this is an awesome day!

Disclaimer:  This was after we closed up and D-Dog was "over it!"  They worked so hard the entire weekend for their new sister!  I can't wait to tell her how much they loved her even before meeting her...even though D-Dog's face doesn't show it!  :)

Letting God write the story!

This morning I had the awesome opportunity to speak at a Women's breakfast in a nearby town.  The title I picked after a lot of prayer and searching was:  Let God Write your Story
To my many amazing Facebook friends that prayed for me, THANK YOU!  You know that I just wanted God's truth and the theme of His faithfulness in our lives to shine through.  And He was totally faithful.  It went well and I got to meet some incredible women.  I don't know if they understand how much they encouraged me.  Some of them shared their stories of pain and survival.  One brave woman shared her distrust of Christians.  I prayed on the way home that she would be able to know how much God loves her and her family.
The bottom line is that we all have a story.  It is either being written by God or by us.  When we write the story, it brings glory to us and we face the temptation of going down a bitter path when crisis hits.  But, when God writes our story, it is about His glory and His faithfulness.  I hope it didn't come across that I had it all figured out, because I don't.  I'm as flawed as they come.  But, I cling to Him and the HOPE He offers me.  Being a Christian doesn't mean you'll have a perfect life.  You can be incredibly obedient and still walk through sadness. But, I believe that God uses those times to grow the character in us and to prepare us for what He created us for.    It was a really great morning and I am really honored that they let me share.  Looking forward to next weekend at Metro Community Church when we'll get to address the topic of fear.
Have a great day, friends, and spend a few minutes contemplating the story that is being written in your life.
jilly

Harrisburg, Illinois

On Good Friday, we loaded up our family (work boots and all) and got in the car at 5:30am for a 2 1/2 hour drive to Harrisburg, IL.  Several weeks ago, Harrisburg was rocked by an F4 tornado that left a path of destruction that you would have to see to believe.  I have to admit that I had a hard time sleeping the night before we left.  I had no idea what to expect.  Would I just stand around and cry?  Would there be anything for my youngest kids to do?
When we arrived, we stopped in at the Dorrisville Baptist Church for our instructions.  We were led to a work site in an impoverished part of town.  Apparently, after "Operation Blessing" pulled out, and Harrisburg was denied Federal funding, they still needed help.  Operation Blessing did an amazing job with the immediate needs.  But, as new communities are hit with natural disasters, they must move on and help stabilize.
So, on one side of town, there are nice homes (albeit destroyed!) that have adequate insurance and are in the process of bulldozing and rebuilding.  Across town, there is an area of smaller homes owned by folks without insurance.  This is the area that needed help the most.
We were led to a work site.  One of the owners was an elderly man.  Several large dumpsters were delivered to our site and we were asked to clean up debris and put it in the dumpsters.  The goal is to clear the land of debris, let it turn to pasture, and rebuild something small and affordable for the owners of the land.
I'm just going to say that the experience was amazing!  We worked along side others that were there to simply help someone less fortunate.  My kids were insane!  They hauled shingles, concrete pieces, and other debris for hours.  They never complained and my heart was touched as they treated the small treasures they uncovered with deep respect.  We remembered our own clean-up.  We remembered the wonderful people that helped us walk through that time and we remembered a faithful God that held us through the sadness.  It was an amazing opportunity to share the love that had been shared with us.  And I won't lie.  It felt pretty sweet to come home to our rebuilt home and see through fresh eyes how far we've come in a year!
I heard something really cool today on the radio.  The announcer was interviewing a man that wrote a book recounting his own trials.  His story was vastly different from ours, but the common denominator was the same.
Pain.
He commented that he felt like God was asking him to be a wounded healer instead of a bitter victim.  I let that soak into my heart today.  He mentioned that when we experience pain in life, we have the option to choose either way.  But, staying in our bitterness or questioning God is a slap in the face to Him.  He has given us HOPE.  I can recall all of the ways God has been hope to us in our darkness.  Therefore, we have the great opportunity to take that pain and use it to help someone else in their healing.  That made so much sense to me.  Something bad happened to our family...but we don't have to stay there.  We had the joy of seeing God bring HOPE into our lives through His provision, the love of family and friends and the truth that we carry in our hearts.
So, going to Harrisburg was an obvious choice.  That doesn't make us amazing.  That doesn't make us cool (although, we do look pretty gangsta in our family pic above)
It just makes us ordinary people that are excited to share the Hope we have in Christ.  My prayer is that the beneficiaries of the work we did will see that same hope and that it will change their lives!
My challenge to you (because we all have our own painful stories...)is to look deep into your story and see the ways you've been given grace and love and hope.  Be a wounded healer.  Use the hope that has lifted you from the deep and use it to give someone else that same hope.  You might be the only person they can identify with.  You might be the one to encourage someone else.  Use your story for good. :)  And if you want to join us on our next adventure...just let me know. :)  We'd be happy to have you along!!!

Cross that bridge when you get to it...

Apparently "B" hasn't had enough quality time with me lately.  He scheduled an episode of strep two weeks ago and he injured his foot yesterday.  Hubby and I had a fight  disagreement about how "injured" B really was and per usual...I pushed for urgent care and he took a "wait and see" approach.  Since I'm clearly the crazier of the two and I often use my insanity to confuse and bewilder my husband....B and I were in the car headed for some shiny x-rays before hubby could say, "I think its just a sprain!"
I'm not going to actually say that I was hoping for a break...because that would be TERRIBLE mothering. But, I kind of wanted to be right.  You know...the whole, "I'm more in tune with our kids than you are" thing???
As it turns out, Hubby was right and I paid $50 bucks for a Phineas and Ferb sticker.  B asked me to buy him an iced tea (half cut)-who is this kid???  Of course, I said, "NO!" and then he gently reminded me how brave he was during the x-rays and I turned the car toward McDonalds.  And then we got home and he went running out into the yard for a water gun fight with the neighbors.  In his defense, he really does have an injury.  Right foot is very swollen and bruised.  But, the water gun fight looked super awkward as he hopped through the yard trying to avoid the spray of water.  It was very UN-matrix like.
You know...sitting in the dr. office waiting on the results put me in a very reflective mood.  I thought about how we all deal with pain differently.  And I'm not talking about physical pain.  I'm pushing the button of emotional pain.  I thought about how our symptoms don't always point to the real culprit.  I thought about how hard it is to see some injuries...they are just too deep.  But, I do know people that are hobbling through life right now.  Does it make it worse when we don't deal with the pain?  I don't have the answers.  No, wait...I do.  I remember a time when I was wounded.  I had given so much of myself away that I was eventually numb to the pain.  But, I did hit a breaking point.  I did hit bottom.  And thankfully when I hit it, I wasn't alone.  I know that God changed my life.  He gave me grace.  He made me new.  The old me, the broken and bruised me, is dead.  Today, I am living a crazy full life.  Yes.  Bad things still happen in my life.  But, I  have a peace that I had never experienced before.  I know that God has my back and I know that He works all things (even the crap) together for my good.
Easter is approaching.  I don't feel like I'm being real if I don't tell you that I am a Christian...unashamed and in love with Christ.  Easter may be linked to the Easter bunny and chocolate (cadbury eggs?  yes, please!) But, for me, it is all about the cross.  That cross was the bridge from my old life to my new life.  It is the reason that I can confidently tell my kids that I'll never break my promise to love and stay married to their dad.  It is the reason that I can withstand the storms of life.  It is the reason that I can walk the road of adoption and welcome one more little person into my home.
I was broken and the cross healed me.
If any of you ever feel like you want to cross that bridge too, say something to me.  I will totally let you lean on me as you hop across.  :)
Big love to the readers tonight.  Have a wonderful week, everybody!!

Waiting...

I don't like waiting!  Who does?  What are you currently waiting for?  A relationship?  School to end?  Vacation? A pregnancy?  A baby?  Marriage? A raise?  A job?  A new house?  A new car?
We spend a lot of our time waiting.
It made me think...
What do we do while we're waiting?
I am currently waiting for China to approve our adoption.  I am waiting to travel to China with my husband to adopt our daughter.  It will realistically be at least August before that happens.
I could drive myself crazy checking statistics on timelines.  I could count the days I've been waiting.  But, what good will that do me?  Don't get me wrong.  I am jumping out of my skin excited about going after our little one.  But, I don't want to wish away today.

Today, I got to enjoy four unique kiddos.  I got to see them interact with each other.  I got snuggles!!!  We took a slow and delicious walk together as a family.  For the PG viewers, I got to "make out" with my husband.  Older viewers..."wink, wink"
I learned lessons about what God is doing in my heart.  I spoke with dear friends.  I had the awesome opportunity to invest in some amazing teenagers.  I ate cake...twice!  I got to enjoy memories made with my mama the day before.  And I am getting ready to end the day by climbing the stairs of my home and snuggling down with my hubby before he has to leave again for work.

Today was an ordinary day.  But, I soaked it up.  I didn't wish it away.  The China approval will come....someday.  And when it does, I will know that every day that I waited was a day truly lived.

So, my encouragement to you as you wait...for whatever it is you are waiting for...is to soak up the ordinary days.  Don't wish them away.  Make them count! :)

To my daughter,

Dear E,
It is late here.  I am sitting alone in the study and I just finished watching your video for the thousandth time.  You are on my mind constantly.  I studied every move you made on that thing...trying to grab a glimpse of who you are.  You are beautiful.  And you cry a lot.  That makes me a little nervous about gotcha day! :)  It is sometimes difficult to be over here signing paperwork when you are over there having all of your "firsts".  I am sad that I'm missing your babyhood.
I know that you have no idea that we are coming.  You have no idea that we pray for you every day and that you have four big brothers that have already made a place for you in their hearts.  You haven't seen the pictures of you that are already displayed throughout this home.  And you could never begin to understand how much I ache to hold you.  God is weaving you into the fabric of our family and you're still half a world away.  But, I pray that your heart will be open to us.  Even though you won't understand why you have to leave one life to join another...
I pray that even now, God is preparing you for us.  I pray that you will attach to us and that you will know right away how much we love you.
The majority of the paperwork is finished.  The thick packet that tells the story of us is on its way to you.  I am tracking it across the US and into your birth country.  Each day that passes now will bring us one day closer to you.
Your paperwork will state that you were abandoned in a shed.  That couldn't be farther from the truth.  You were created by God.  He never left your side.  He protected you from infection and death in the first days of your life.  He ensured that you were found and that you got the surgery you needed.  In the days before your birth, we walked out of church and your daddy looked me in the eyes and said, "I felt the Holy Spirit move me."  "No more talking about it...we have to start the process."  That was the day we started praying for "YOU".  One week later, you were born and our journey to you began.  This has been a story filled with joy and heartache.  It has not been an easy journey.  But, when people see the resolve we have to keep going, I hope they know that there really was no other choice.  In a broken and sinful world, God writes beautiful stories of redemption and hope.  Your story is close to my heart, because it reminds me of the depth of love and the resolve of God's pursuit of me.  As I go to sleep tonight, I will be praying for you.  I love you, sweet baby girl.  And I can't wait to attack those cheeks with a thousand kisses. (and let your hair grow out!....why are they shaving your head?)  Don't worry, I'll bring bows with me when I come after you! :)
Love you!
Love,
Mama!

Dear Tornado Victims,

I realize I am writing a blog that you will never see.  But, my heart is broken and my mind is constantly being pulled to you.  As I see the news coverage, my mind is pulled back to the terror of our own experience.  You are all over the news today, but by next week, you will feel like an archived story.  The Today show will move on to the next big story.  But you will still be putting your lives back together.  No one will know that the deepest part of you aches to jump back into your own bed.  Isn't that what we want the most when we are hurt, sad, or scared?  We want the safety of our home.  We want the safety of our bed.  We want that old pillow that forms perfectly to our head.  We want to be able to reach over to the table beside our bed and grab the lotion, or the book, or the picture we keep there.  But those things aren't there anymore.  Your sense of security is gone.  Your "normal" is destroyed.
You will have children with nightmares and you will jump out of bed in the middle of the night with the overwhelming feeling that you need to flee.  A stormy forecast will make your heart race and your skin sweat.  The sound of wind, that never bothered you before, will keep you rigid with anxiety.
People will be overwhelmingly amazing.  They will help you pick up the broken pieces.  But, all you'll be thinking is, "How will I ever get all these thank-yous done.  I don't even know where my pens are."
You'll have to rock new shoes, new clothes and even new underwear.  You'll desperately miss that one pair of jeans that made your butt look great.  Your spouse or children will ask where something is and you'll reply..."before the tornado, it was _______.  I have no clue where it is now."
You'll have to hold a child a year later and let him cry because he still misses his stuffed animal and worries that it is alone and broken in the woods somewhere behind your house.
You'll have funny moments too.  But they will seem surreal.  You will find that out of all the possessions you lost, they've managed to save the most bizarre ones.  After surgery to repair my own lacerations, I was taken back to our new home(The Holiday Inn Express).  I walked through the door feeling exhaustion in my bones to find that someone had found and transferred our basket of mismatched socks to the hotel.  For a moment I just stared at the basket wondering what kind of sick joke this could be.  Even the socks were mocking my pain.  I simply lifted the small basket, carried it to the trash can and dumped it.  Its not like we'll ever find the matches now.
You'll find that even in sadness, you'll want to connect with your spouse.  But, since you have no home, you'll find yourself hiding in the bathroom of the hotel together using candles borrowed from a friend and saying things like, "Please don't touch my head and please don't make my head wound bleed."  Sexy, huh?
And after that, you'll sneak back out to the sleeping children and sleep in separate beds so you can comfort them when the nightmares hit.  It is a surreal experience.
If you rebuild, you will go back to the work site that used to be your home.  You'll laugh at how you now have broken toilets in your front yard and worry that the neighbors hate you.  You'll see where you bled and you'll see where you survived.  You'll feel strong and weak at the same time.  And some of you may be overwhelmed by sadness because you lost someone you love there.
You'll look out at the sky from your home and wonder how nature could be so cruel.  You'll watch the seasons change and you'll have to do it from a new location.
The bottom line is that it will change you.  At times, you'll want to run away from your own life and at times you'll want to scream to the world that you feel more alive now than you ever have.  Since you've experienced true fear and you've spent a moment trapped under debris wondering if you were living out the last moments of your life, you'll have no choice but to look at life differently.  If you let God hold you through the million emotions you'll face...He will be your strength.  He understands when you feel like no one else does.  He is faithful in all of the details.
My favorite verse from the Bible is one that God gave me shortly after our tornado.  It is found in Isaiah 40:31  
"but those who hope in the LORD 
   will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
   they will run and not grow weary, 
   they will walk and not be faint."

You will be in my prayers and I will not forget you.  Healing will take time and lots of help from people that love you.  Soak it up.  The true friends are there long after your home is rebuilt but your fears remain.  They will visit your Facebook wall or text you during storms and say, "just checking on you, or I love you,  or I'm praying for you."  Those will be the gifts that come from tragedy.  And when you hear someone say, "I just love storms!!!  I stand outside and watch when we have tornado warnings."  Try very hard not to throw something heavy at their head.  They don't mean to be insensitive.  Not everyone can understand what you've been through!

Sincerely, and with lots of hugs and prayers,

A sister whose been in your shoes (the new shoes, of course...'cause who the heck knows where your other shoes are!"