Jesus, take the wheel...no, not really! Give it back!

Just going to warn everyone that I'm going off the grid for a couple of days.  I wish I could say that I'm unplugging from technology and running off to Mexico.  But I'm not!  It is a new year and I have much thinking and praying to do.  Right now I feel incredibly burned by adoption.  I am, quite frankly, sick of it! My heart still beats for orphans.  But, my brain is numb from bureaucracy.  The year kicked off with a new resolution.  After the resounding theme of Sunday (both at mom and dad's church and at fusion) being "Give God Control."  Sounds awesome, doesn't it?  I mean, any good Christian should be able to hand the wheel over to God and let him take them wherever...

Maybe this year, God will take me on a great vacation.  Or, how about we go down "It's all about me street!"  How bout this, God...You can drive, but I'll navigate!  YES!  That works perfectly for me.  Because, then...I can say I let you drive, but we don't have to go to unsavory neighborhoods or down the rabbit hole of adoption anymore.  We'll use my own personal GPS. (Girl Pursues Success).

The truth is that I can't really drive myself.  I did that for years.  I ended up on a lot of dead-end streets.  (The analogies are amazing, aren't they?)

I'm a terrible driver.  But, I LOVE control.  Trust and Faith sound easy, but they are so hard to live out.  I made a promise to God yesterday that I would give him control and try very hard not to take it back.  I want to live in radical obedience.  And that means that I'll go where he goes and I'll love who he loves!  2012 will start with an overdue apology.  

Where we go from there...I don't know.

Today we found out that hubby's birth record is a huge deal.  It isn't even just his country of origin issue anymore.  It is a document issue.  The bottom line is that we will spend a lot more money and a lot more time if we continue on this journey.  And, we could work through several avenues and still ultimately be rejected.  I don't know if hubby is ready to throw in the towel, but I am.  I've been on this crazy ride for over a year fighting numerous obstacles and I'm tired.

Is that me taking back the wheel again?  Or am I just asking to get out of the car for a while and regroup?  I don't know.

The truth is this:  Right now, I have so much to pray about.  I don't know what we're supposed to do from here.  I am a lover of great stories.  And this story feels like a failure.  My prayer all along was that God would be glorified in it.  But, how does he gain glory from this?  I'm feeling a bit like we just went over a cliff and my air bag did not deploy.  Hopefully, someday I'll look back at this little blog and see the entire picture.  Maybe at some point, God will show me how this route led us to the place he had planned all along.  But where does that leave me today?

Galatians 2:20

 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

That's it!  I live by faith.  Even though I do not understand and I cannot see where we're going, I live by faith.  Christ lives in me.  Christ drives my car. :)  For now, I need to just turn up the music, lay back my head and rest.  

May you all have a beautiful and blessed 2012.  May God continue to teach and grow you through the good, bad and ugly!  And may you live by faith in the Son of God who loved you enough to give himself for you.