I am restless! As I sang that song last Sunday, it really resonated with me. I am so restless. I can't wait for anything! This aspect of my personality has become the jumping-off point for many tantrums in my life. I don't know if it is a feeling of entitlement because I live in a very rich country, or what. But I have actually deluded myself into thinking that I deserve things in my own timing. Oh sure, I pray about God's Will, but then I write up the story myself and push to make it happen. Recent events have shown me a growing impatience within my soul toward this adoption. As I read back over the story of Abram and Sarai, in Genesis, I saw a bit of a different view than I've seen before. And, sadly, I related to the story in a very shameful way. Imagine that God has promised you something that you've always wanted. And to make it even worse, you've watched every one of your friends receive that item. They all have what God has promised you...called you to. I wish I could sit down with Sarah and ask her a million questions. Was she fired up one night and when Abram got home did she sit him down and say..."Hey, God said he would give us children. He's either forgotten his promise, or he wants us to figure it out ourselves." "So, I have an idea. Why don't you sleep with the maidservant!" At this point, Abram should have been smart enough to see this for what it was. What in the heck was Sarai thinking with this one? God made a promise and Sarai wrote her own story. So, Abram, in all of his testosterone filled madness agreed to this idea. Boy, would I love to interview him too! Abram sleeps with Hagar, they have a child which, what do you know, isn't the promised child of God and they open up a whole can of craptasticness (yes, I just made up that word.) God would go on to work out the story for everyone involved. But it would be a story filled with heartache and tears. Finally, God fulfills his promise and Abraham and Sarah give birth to Isaac. This time, God writes his own story. And, of course, it turns out to be the perfect story that we have the privilege of reading about throughout the Bible. I highly recommend you start with the first book of the Bible to get this full story. You'll be intrigued and glued... It is a seriously racy tale!
Now, I would LOVE to think of myself as someone that waits on God. But, the truth is, as soon as God calls me to something, I begin weaving my own story. Because, let's be honest...I can always write the best story for me. :) In the end, I'm the hero. I am awesome. I am cool.
But...after I gave my life to Christ, the story stopped being about me. That is a hard one to give up. I've often wondered why God didn't bless Abraham and Sarah with a child sooner. What was the point of waiting SOOOOO long. Did he just want the anticipation to build? Did he want to sit back and see if they would fail? NO! God had a plan. And to be honest. He doesn't have to share it with us. When we give our lives over to him and finally realize that it isn't about us...it is about Him, we see why. He may never reveal the reasons for the things we deal with in life. But, I've found that unless I surrender and accept that it is about him...it is about His Glory, I will never have peace. I will always be restless. God has called us to adoption. I've already been pretty obvious that I have a killer plan worked out! Apparently, God has heard my amazing plan, and he has rejected it in favor of the one that will bring Him glory...not me. This is VERY hard for me to accept. Since I am restless and impatient. But, since I don't want to adopt a Hagar sized disaster...I think I'll wait on God! I'll wait on His timing and I'll wait for him to fulfill His promise. For, I know that he will be faithful and he will complete the good work he has started in us.
If you are in my camp and you also have a very difficult time accepting God's timing for your story, I would like to invite you to join me in my new mantra. Grab a diet coke first...it will come out easier with a little carbonation.
"It's not about me...It's about you, God"
"It's not about me...It's about you, God"
"It's not about me...It's about you, God"
Love you, blog world friends!! :)
Oh, and for all of you praying for "Baby Grace", I am blissfully happy to share with you that she has a family. A wonderful couple has decided to adopt her and will hopefully be able to take her home in about a month. This is a huge answer to prayer. Please keep lifting her up, though...she has so many hurdles ahead of her. :)
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