Fifty Shades of Expectation!

I saw the movie trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey.  Did you see it?  WOW!  Steamy, Hot, Crazy!

I think it is part of my nature to be attracted to things like this.  When I was a teenager, I read every Harlequin romance novel I could find.  And yes…calling those things a novel is a bit of a stretch!  I would get completely wrapped up in the story, (and let's be honest…the sex scenes).

If I'm being truly honest, I would tell you that the constant stream of delicious steamy interactions began to change my brain a bit.  I set my expectations to match what I read.  And I've been left unfulfilled ever since.  Before you start thinking this has anything to do with my husband, let me set you straight.

I am completely fulfilled in my marriage.  Intimacy is healthy.  My husband even cooks and does dishes.  That is super sexy…am I right, ladies???

Even though I am in a great marriage, I struggle sometimes.  It has taken me years to figure out where the conflict originates.

I finally understand.

I was reading Ann Voscamp's book, "A Thousand Gifts".  In the beginning, she talks about Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.  God created them with everything they needed.  They had the perfect situation.  There was literally nothing out there that could have made it better.  They had conversations with God the way we talk to each other.  Adam and Eve had access to all the beauty their eyes could hold.

And yet…

The enemy whispered…"Maybe there is something more…"

And the conflict began.  Most of us know how that story went down.  The snake talked Eve into eating from the forbidden tree, she took Adam down with her.  (just kidding!  He is responsible for his own stinking decision.) The first rebellious teens in history got kicked out of the garden and out of God's perfection.  It pretty much went downhill from there.  Nothing has changed in all these years.

The question still remains: "What if there is something more?"  I believe that question, in regards to sexuality, gets us into trouble every time.

Here's why Fifty Shades is bad for me.

For full disclosure, I read the first book.  I read every crazy detail.  That was my apple.  I took a bite.  But, life doesn't roll like a novel.  I don't know about you, but I don't walk around with gorgeously applied eye make-up and perfectly tousled hair.  My husband doesn't stare at me while I brush my teeth, and make eggs, and load the dishwasher.  If he had to hold that powerful smoldering look all day, he might eventually look constipated.  He doesn't walk into the room and throw me up against the wall and kiss me like he's gonna lose me…at least not every day.  :)  We have kids, and bills, and health issues, and grocery shopping, and did I mention kids???  We have people piled up in bunk beds all over this house.  Where in the heck would we put our "Red Room"?

The truth is:  That kind of passion is not realistic all of the time.  And the danger of books and movies like Fifty Shades of Grey, is that we begin to expect it.  And when our own spouse doesn't fulfill our expectations…we might start daydreaming about someone that will.  How unfair and unfortunate for our spouse.

If my husband looked at pornography, he might have the same brain changes and weird expectations of me. I've got our internet locked down like fort knox, so I would know if anyone around here googled "boobs".  I'm not crazy!  Five boys live here!  But, I'm certainly not going to clean toilets in a maid's costume. (is that a porn expectation?) My body isn't plastic, and when I try to play coy, I look like an idiot.

You will not get a guilt trip from me if you go see the movie.  I'm not going to make you feel awful about it.  To be honest, before Jesus crushed my heart on the issue, I actually thought about going to see it at a theatre across the river, alone, while wearing a disguise.  Nothing screams, "I'm running from Jesus" like a girl in a ninja costume at a seedy theatre.  I just want to challenge you…friend to friend.  I'm challenging you to skip it.  Do it for your marriage.  If you're single, skip it for your future spouse.  Instead of spending the money on a movie ticket, spend it on a card telling your significant other that you love and admire them.  If you are married, you can still go have awesome sex.  You'll just end up more fulfilled and you won't be putting unrealistic expectations on your spouse.

I was sitting at church last night with our teenage fusion kids and a thought came over me.  The words are lyrics from a Matthew West song.  "I don't want a flame, I want a fire."  I don't want a small and unfulfilled, meaningless life.  I want a life that makes a difference.  I want to stay focused on the stuff that really matters.  I want a healthy marriage, kids that know and love Jesus, and a passion to fight for the ones that can't fight for themselves.

Skipping this movie is a very small way of making sure I have a fire, not a flame.

I'm leaving this apple on the tree!!!!!

What about you?