The god of Netflix

My mind was filled with an image.  It was a clear image of the path I've been walking lately.  It was a picture of a cross.  Several months ago, I was wrapped around the cross.  My arms and legs were intertwined in a way that made it difficult to see where the cross ended and I began.  In those days, I got my strength and breath from Christ.  He sustained me through the beautiful and complicated days of mothering.  I talked to Him.  I didn't merely throw up a quick prayer and walk on.  We were close.  I could feel purpose in my days.

I'm not sure when the slow fade began.  I can't pinpoint the day I began to untangle myself from the cross.  But over hours, days, weeks, months, a new picture emerged.  This one contained a cross.  But I was no longer wrapped around it.  I had started with a leg.  Just a small part of me was creeping out into culture.  Then I moved on until the new and current image of the cross stood almost alone and only my fingertips remained on it.

I am grateful for the conviction of Christ.  Before I moved too far away to clearly hear His voice, he allowed me to see that things had changed.  We weren't as close as we once were.  My personality had changed.  My heart had changed.  I was still spouting the same Christian Rhetoric.  But my head, heart, and life didn't match the words. I was aware that while my mouth said the right thing to the people around me, I didn't have the empathy or love I once had.  I had been corrupted.  

I was listening to music that was completely inappropriate.  And I stopped caring that my kids were in the car.  I was binge watching shows on Netflix that were filled with vulgar images and content.  Of course, I was still holding onto my self-righteousness!  Hey, its Netflix, not heroine!  But it didn't matter.  The cause of Christ was becoming secondary and culture was becoming my god.  I became very good at justifying it.  I didn't have time to focus on being a good mom or wife.  My house was a mess and I didn't care.  I've always had the desire to be rebellious for God.  Status Quo doesn't interest me.  Give me crazy.  Don't tell me something can't be done for His glory…find a way.  But somewhere along the line…thanks to my deceitful heart…I became rebellious for myself instead.  I put down the Bible and picked up junk.  

Yesterday I came to a crossroad.  I spoke honestly to my husband about everything.  I admitted my addiction to television shows that are bad for me.  I asked him to be my accountability.  I realized that I had a choice to make.  Fingertips on the cross while the rest of my body has moved away is a dangerous position.  What about the passion I had for orphans, brokenness, lonely people?  I was becoming a judgmental jerk.  

It is one thing to make a decision.  It is another thing to do something about it.  

Today, I am in detox.  It is hard!  But it is good.  Last night I cancelled all subscriptions to streaming television.  Please know that this is my own personal journey.  I am definitely not suggesting that a mass exodus from Netflix is necessary.  Ask me how many times I've been tempted to sign back up so I can watch one more episode of Orange is the New Black.  Ummmm, about a million.  But, I'm keeping busy with my kids.  I'm obviously blogging for the first time in three months.  And when the temptation strikes, I pray.  That's it.  That is how today is going.  But guess what I haven't done.  I haven't hidden away in my closet and yelled at my kids when they interrupted a show.  

As a reader, you will probably have one of two reactions.  Either you will feel some solidarity with me and maybe examine your own heart and life for the things that are pulling you away from the cross.  Or you will judge me.  I hope you don't judge me.  

If you feel brave enough, message me and share your own struggles.  A lot of time has just opened up in my day.  :)  I would love to pray for you as we walk this life together.  

Our lives have purpose.  I don't want to be distracted from that and waste my time here on earth.  Thanks for reading and loving me even when I go astray.