Chasing Imperfection!

Please indulge me for a minute while I post a couple of "selfies"  (btw, autocorrect keeps turning "selfies" into "selfless"…so  ironic!  haha

This is a picture of me fresh from the shower.  I have not dried my hair and I'm not wearing a bit of make-up.  I know, I know…none of you realized I had this much natural beauty!  ;)

And after spending at least 20 minutes in front of the mirror and tons of costly products, I ended up with this:

No jokes, please, about not knowing which one is the "before" and which one is the "after".

In our culture and society, I only really have one option when it comes to leaving my house.  I am required to put on make-up and fix my hair if I want to fit in.  If I want "perfection" or "socially acceptable"  I have to alter my appearance.

Why?

Who decided it had to be this way?  When I showed both pics to my kids, they said the second picture looked better.  But, when I pushed them to tell me why, they were stumped.  They gave answers like, "because you are wearing make-up and your hair is dry."  But, why does make-up make me look better?  We can all agree that the trickery of cosmetics can hide flaws and boost assets.  But, why do I feel the need to boost assets and hide flaws?  Who told me that those things needed to be addressed?

Contrary to where you think this is headed, I'm not railing against society and our willingness to conform to culture's expectations.

Instead, I'd love for us to take a look at our idea of perfection and challenge it a little.

Here's another picture for you to ponder.

This is a picture of my daughter's back.  And this isn't even the entire scar.

What do you think when you see this?

This scar represents the imperfection of my child's body.  The defect that required such a large incision will cause her to struggle her entire life.
Her bowel and bladder are unable to function "perfectly" so we have to utilize modern medicine and medical supplies to get her to a socially acceptable place.  She will require nightly enemas that take approximately 30-45 minutes and when she's ready to be out of diapers, she will take medication for life and have to use a catheter to void her bladder.  Not ideal, right?

During her last appointment, I held it together pretty well.  But when we got home and the weight of her struggle hit me, I cried.  I cried that she will struggle.  I cried that it won't be easy.  I worried that the students in her class someday would tease her.  I wondered how this would affect her dreams and goals in life.

So I have to ask a question.  If you had the opportunity to adopt someone like E… would you?  Would this scare you away?  Or would you run toward it?

This is what scares me more than spina bifida:

I'm afraid that we spend too much time chasing perfection.  We want the perfect car, the perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect kids, the perfect dog, the perfect vacation, the perfect church, the perfect friends, the perfect life.

What if, instead, we chased after the broken and messy?  It would be hard.  But, I'm willing to bet that it would be more amazing.

I have a confession.  The scar on my daughter keeps me close to Jesus.  To me, it represents a journey of faith toward something imperfect.  It signifies a second chance... redemption... adoption.

Someone made the same journey for me once.  He chased after someone completely imperfect (me) and offered me a second chance... redemption... adoption.  The cost was much greater for him.  It actually cost him his life to chase me.  HE is the reason I roll up my sleeves and dive into parenting every day.  He is the reason I run past perfection in pursuit of imperfection.  And He is the reason this beautiful soul exists.

This pursuit makes me fall on my face in worship and thank Him for allowing me to see where true beauty exists.
Where is He calling you?  What is He asking you to chase?  I'd love to hear about it!!!

Phoebe

Imagine that you have made the decision to invest in a home.  This has not been made flippantly.  You've soul searched, checked your finances, talked with friends, and made the decision to start the process.

One day your realtor calls you.  She says, "Log onto your computer right now!  I have sent you the information on a home for sale."  You can barely contain the excitement as you log on and wait for what seems like days for the info to load.  And there it is.  It is like a dream come true.  Your heart is beating quickly.  Your hands are shaking as you scroll through the details.  You begin imagining your family making a thousand memories inside the house.  You fast forward to Christmas celebrations, kids losing teeth, prom, graduation…  You've already decided at first sight that you love this home.

The realtor reminds you to be realistic.  There are some things not quite completed in this home.  It has a few issues.  You will need to do some work and it may take time and money.  "That's okay, you announce.  We want to buy it!"  Because…you're not afraid of a little hard work.

Just before closing, your realtor calls you with some bad news.  The inspection revealed that the house is in worse shape than you thought.  The foundations has cracks.  The plumbing is a mess, and the whole thing needs rewired.  But, she laughs nervously and says, "At least you still have time to pull out of the deal."  "I mean, who wants to buy a broken house?"

You sit with your family and you feel shock.  The dream begins to die as you are faced with a decision.  Do you go ahead with the sale?  Do you buy something that will take far more effort than you think you have?  Or do you get out now….while you can?  And if you settle into a house that you find in the future, do you sigh with relief that you dodged a bullet?  Or do you always wonder what could have been?

What would you do?  I think if we are honest, most of us would walk away from the broken home.

But, what if we weren't talking about a house?  What if our "realtor" was a social worker.  And what if the "house" was a child?  If you plug those details into the same scenario, you would have the current situation of my dear friends.

I remember meeting with them to discuss adoption.  They looked a lot like we did when we started the process.  I think there is a general look of excitement and expectation.  We were thrilled when they jumped in with both feet to the process and started gathering paperwork like their lives depended on it.  I remember getting the call that they had been matched with a little girl.  The only thing I can compare it to is when you give birth and see your child for the first time.  There is a certain AWE attached to it.  We all celebrated and we have walked along side these friends as they wait for what seems like an eternity for China to give approval for travel.

Unfortunately, these friends got a life-changing call last week.  Their daughter in China is sick.  When they sent paperwork off, she was a healthy little toddler.  But now, as information makes its way from hospital to agency to family room, they are learning that their "DREAM" is going to look much different than they thought.

I spoke with these friends a few days ago and asked some real and difficult questions.  Perhaps the most difficult question to ask was whether or not they would continue this pursuit.  "China will give you the option to choose a different child."  I said.  I wasn't being cruel.  I just know how this thing works.  "I know." the husband replied.  And through tears, he responded with a simple phrase. "She's our daughter.  We have to go get her."

Can you understand the gravity of that resolve?  They are going to travel half way across the globe to adopt a child with significant special needs.  She will require special help for the rest of her life.  And at this point, they don't even know what the quality of her life will be.  This goes beyond commitment, friends.

They are currently working on getting a medical expedite so they can travel sooner to bring their daughter home.  The sooner they get her here, the sooner they can have her evaluated and start a plan for her issues.

I am including a link for their fundraising page.  Since things might move quicker than they thought, the money might be due sooner than they had planned.  I'd love to see all of us jump on board and help them raise the final funds to go after Phoebe and have a little left over to start caring for her medical needs.

I know this blog post is getting really long.  But I have to close it out with these final thoughts.  I've been in tears over this situation.  They are not tears of hopelessness.  They are tears of hope and gratefulness.  We live in a culture that runs from the broken.  If something isn't perfect, we don't want it.  But Phoebe's story has reminded me that I follow a God that runs TO the broken.  When He looked at me and saw me broken in sin, he could have turned the other way and said, "Why would I invest my precious resources in someone that is so broken?"  But God didn't see my brokenness.  He saw my beauty.  And that is what we see in Phoebe's story.  She is real.  She is alive.  And she will be part of a family.  She will experience LOVE!  That is beautiful and that inspires me!!!

If you want to be part of this journey, click on the link below. And if you pray…please pray for Phoebe.  Please pray that God will hold her while her parents cannot.  Thank you for your heartbeat toward the orphans of the world.  This is an investment with amazing returns!

Phoebe Moore fundraiser

sweet baby girl before her health issues started

don't you want to kiss that face?

Our Unconventional Snow Weekend

It is no secret that I'm a bit of a weather nerd.  I have several weather apps on my phone and I tend to enjoy conversations about weather patterns and trends.  Once, I made my husband order cable so I  could get The Weather Channel!

But weather nerds were not the only ones on weather watch.  I was at the grocery story with my entire town on Saturday morning.  After returning home from the busiest shopping trip in history, a thought occurred to me.  We are at the end of Christmas break.  My kids are bored out of their gourds.  How will I keep them from fighting?  How will I keep them off of their devices?  How will I endure one more episode of "Good Luck, Charlie"?  The answer came while I was at the library returning books.  I walked past a table stocked with snow themed books.  Those librarians are so clever!  As I perused the selection, my eyes landed on an oldie but goodie.  I knew this would be the answer to our snow weekend boredom.  I returned home with a plan formulating and a vaguely familiar feeling in my mind…could it be…excitement?

On Sunday afternoon, I gathered my bickering troops.

"I HAVE A SURPRISE!"  I announced.

"Go grab your pillows and blankets.  Put on your most comfortable pajamas and meet me back in the family room in five minutes", I said.

I could hear them chatting with each other.  The mood had changed.  Now they were working as a team to figure out what I had planned.  Did mom rent a movie?  Are we watching Netflix?  What else could there be?

I assembled my crew and asked hubby to build a fire.  The kids looked a bit perplexed because we do not actually have a fireplace.  Hubby, using the gift of modern technology, pulled a crackling fireplace up on the TV.

And I pulled out THIS:

And the most amazing snow weekend EVER…began!

I have kids that love to read and kids that do NOT love to read.  But we have bonded over this book.  We have bonded over the characters and the struggle.  It has been refreshing to hear questions about a time period that seems so foreign to us.  We've researched 1800's prairie style houses.  We've talked about one room school houses.  At breakfast on Monday, the kids begged me to start reading again. One of the boys commented that he couldn't wait to find out what happened when the Ingalls family moved into town for the Winter.  One of the boys asked if we could make food like they did in the story.  So, we pulled out this:

And we worked together:

To make this:

Which turned into this:

And something fantastic happened.  We decided that if we could make our own bread…(never mind the fourteen loaves we bought in anticipation of snowpocolypse)  we could do ANYTHING!  Even make our own fresh blackberry jam!

The kids were more proud of this snack than anything they've ever eaten before.

The kids even started calling us "Ma" and "Pa".
*Note that 24 hours later, Pa still has an amazing fire going!!!
And Monday night, we settled in to hear more of the Ingalls adventures.

We are incredibly stoked about having yet another day off of school Tuesday.  We still have much to learn about our Pioneer family.  And we have decided to bake Apple Pie from scratch.  If my kids don't show up to school on Wednesday…you'll know we didn't quite have time to finish our book.  :)

Here's the thing.  I could have moaned about being snowbound with five kids.  I could have begrudgingly forged ahead through three days of fighting and chaos. (Don't be deceived…we've had plenty of fighting and chaos as well here).  But, with a little creativity…we've turned our little suburban house into a shanty on the plains in the middle of Winter.  In an age where iPhones, iPods, and iPads rule, we have to fight for these moments.  In twenty years, my children will never remember what Netflix show they watched while they waited for the bread to rise, and rise, and rise, and…
But they will remember that we sat together and read a book.  They will remember building their own frontier home out of blankets and chairs.  They will remember the soft bread and sweet blackberry jam. And they will remember that we WANTED to spend time with them.  I know that I will put these memories in my heart for safe-keeping.  I will hold onto them and pull them out when my children are grown and out of my home.  And I will probably cry when I think about the small arms of my seven year old wrapping around my waist while I buttered bread to say, "Thanks for reading this book to us, mom! I'm really enjoying it!"

Be intentional with your children, friends!  It really does matter!!!

Wuv…Twu Wuv...

I want to talk to you about marriage tonight!

It is really hard.

Thank you for stopping by.

:-)

Just kidding!

Marriage is really hard.  But it is also really tough.  kidding again!  It is also really amazing.  The hubby and I are approaching 17 years of wedded bliss-ish-ness.  And I feel compelled to tell you the secrets we've picked up along the way that make it a pretty awesome endeavor.

I joined hands with my beloved at the age of 22.  I was so young.  I had no clue.  I hadn't learned to cook, balance a checkbook, or fight fair at that age.  And yet, I stood in a big dress and made promises that I had no idea how to keep.

We've lived on a couple of different continents, given birth (okay, that was mostly me) to four baby boys and adopted one sassy little Chinese girl.  We've given the term "home" to a scary non-soundproof apartment (very sorry, downstairs neighbors…we were newlyweds!), better apartments, a tiny little home, and our current two story that we moved into twice thanks to a tornado.

It is strange when you think about it.  When you marry someone, you make promises to them.  You promise to love them no matter where you live, how much money you have, how insane your kids make you, and regardless of all the other circumstances.  You declare that your body will only belong to that person for the rest of your lives.  You agree to adventure together, to support each other, and fight to the death to defend each other.  You are each others "safe place", "home".

I credit my beautiful and complicated marriage to a God that captured my heart before my eyes ever settled on my heartthrob.  I'm not at all implying that an amazing marriage isn't possible if you don't meet God first.  In all honesty, God can make marriage beautiful at any point.  You take a risk when you do it backwards.  But I've met so many inspiring couples that found Jesus together…down the road.

So, to wrap it up:
My most important elements of a satisfying marriage…

Travel the same Spiritual Road!

You like how I did that???  We're totally in the car in this picture…  Seriously, it makes it so much easier when a couple is on the same page with their faith!  From, "let's pray at dinner", to "let's give 10% back to God"  It is so much more enjoyable when you don't even need a conversation…you already agree.

Adventure Together!

He is a nature lover, I am a luxury hotel lover.  We compromise often and I allow him to pull me out of my comfort zone all the time!  Except for that one time when we were camping with the kids in Yellowstone and our tent had ice on it.  I'm never doing that again!  I mean it!  Never!

Laugh!  Joke! Smile!

It is okay to be silly…even in public…even when you feel too old.

Date Each Other!

When my husband comes home from work, he has to dig through enough kids to run a small sweatshop.  I look a bit haggard at times and our conversations get interrupted approximately 800 times.  When we date each other, I get to dress up all sexy for him and pay attention to ONLY him!  And when those gorgeous blue eyes are focused on me, I go from "mommy" to "woman" in 60 seconds!

Kiss!  Make Out!  Have lots of Sex!

I'm confident that my kids don't read this blog.  Otherwise, I would not risk giving them a stroke by including this.  But I'm serious.  We kiss more now than we ever have.  I spend time, money, and effort on being the only thing on his mind.  I think when the sex dies, the marriage suffers.  So, we put that as a top priority in our marriage.  We always have…we always will.

Go to the high school Homecoming dance!

(and totally take your kids)

You have to admit…it is a pretty effective abstinence message!  :)  I know not everyone can do this.  But, you can let your spouse know that their work is important to you.  Celebrate it, ask about it, support it!!

If you decide to raise a herd, do it with all of your heart!

Don't let kids come between you, and don't leave them out.  Delicate balance, my friends.

Show up every day…even if you don't "feel it"!

It is a marathon, not a sprint.  If you are having an especially difficult day with your spouse, imagine getting a call that they are no longer on this earth.  That will shake you into your right mind.  There are days when I feel like banging my head on a wall, but when it is all said and done, I could never do life without this guy by my side.  He is my rock.  He is my love.  He is my home.

What is Love?

 

I decided to ask my family about their thoughts on love.  Enjoy…and feel free to add your own ideas.

 What is Love?
"Love is a version of respecting someone.  It is forgiveness.  I'm not exactly sure what else."
What does Love look like?
"Not fighting with brothers."  "Love is a relationship between two or more people."  "Like, you can love someone in marriage, or you can love your family, or you can love a community."

What is Love?
"Love is when you like somebody... and they love you back."
What does love look like?
"You and Dad…because you guys kiss each other."

What is Love?
"Love is nice.  Love is helping people and caring for people.  Love is loving God."
What does love look like?
"Love is a really powerful thing in your heart.  Also, you guys, mom and dad…I can see that you love us…every time you tuck us into bed.  Love is also adopting kids that need homes."

What is Love?
"Caring about people, saying thanks, giving hugs and kisses."
What does love look like?

"Like you and dad kissing."

What is Love?
"Hug, Kisses"
What does love look like?
"A mommy daddy"

If Toby could talk, he would say that love is, "Being allowed in the house even after repeatedly running away, large treats, and kids tucking him in on the couch with a blanket."

What is Love?
"Love is sacrifice.  It is giving up something you want to keep, in order to give it to someone else.  It is placing value on someone other than yourself."
What does love look like?
"Love looks like my husband when he holds our newly adopted and traumatized daughter and says…"WE ARE DOING THIS!"  Love looks like my kids when they hop off my lap to make room for an orphan.  And they give up a piece of what is theirs to make her family.  Love looks like my friends when they show up daily to do life with me.  They allow me to share brokenness and joy with them.  Love looks like my parents fighting for the sanctitiy of marriage for 42 years now.  And love looks like a Holy and perfect God giving up His son to save my broken life.

 What is Love?
"Love is an intense desire to think of another person above yourself."
What does love look like?
"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not boast, it is not full of pride. Love never fails."

Abortion Holocaust?

I just read something on facebook today that broke my heart.  Apparently, there is a war of words between daddy Duggar (yes...the one with 19 kids) and pro-choice groups.
Allegedly, Mr. Duggar referred to the high numbers of abortions as an abortion holocaust.

Unless we've been sheltered from history, we all know that "Holocaust" typically refers to the Jewish Holocaust during WWII.  During this incredibly sad period of time, under the abominable leadership of Hitler, many Jews were forced to live in hiding until they were found and taken to work camps and murdered.  This was a violent ripping apart of family units.  The Nazis were not respecters of gender or age.  Young and old, male and female, were targeted.  I cry when I allow myself to think of the fear they endured.

Hearing abortion linked with the word Holocaust could make sense as semantics go.  The dictionary defines a holocaust as, "a mass slaughter of people".  And babies are people.  So, it would logically follow that the mass slaughter of babies is, in fact, an Abortion Holocaust.

However,

I feel like a little bit of a broken record here...any maybe everyone is tired of my views.  But here they are anyway...;)

 I am a supporter of LIFE.  My heart hurts over the brokenness of abortion.  And I will tell everyone that listens that I support LIFE.  I have put myself in several situations that make it obvious that I support LIFE.  However, if I had a platform (like the Duggars do) I would NEVER throw out language like "abortion holocaust" Abortion is born out of sin and darkness.  It is believing the lie that ending a pregnancy is an easy fix without lingering emotional and physical pain.  But there are better ways to support LIFE than to throw out judgements.  That's why people dislike christians.  That's why the "world" doesn't want to talk to us when they face unplanned pregnancies like these.  Would you share your brokenness with someone calling you a murderer?  Do we want to be part of helping someone make a healthy choice for their body, heart, and soul?  Then, we can't stand ABOVE them and think we'll have an impact.  I'm so insanely tired of the self-righteous approach to this issue.

When my kids are doing something I don't agree with, how do I handle it?  Do I stand in another part of the house and scream, "YOU ARE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE!!!"  NO!  That would not be part of my parenting package.  Instead, I go to where my children are.  I walk to them.  I don't yell at them to come to me.  I kneel down in front of them so my eyes are a little lower than theirs.  Isn't that the posture of someone in trouble?  Aren't their eyes cast downward?  I want them to see me.  I want them to know that my truth comes with heavy doses of love and expectation.

How can we impact the world unless we go to them.  How can we show Jesus unless we lower ourselves.  We are all broken and sinful people.  Some of us have had the complete fortune of knowing God's grace.  That's the only difference between us.  We certainly didn't get there on our own.  So, why in the world would we try to SHAME them with negative language?  Abortion is a choice made by broken people in awful situations.  It is not okay.  It is not an answer.  But, for the love of all that is Holy, can we agree that anything other than Love is a waste of time.  The lost and lonely can argue and find fault with everything else.  But when we approach them with love, well... I'm gonna throw it back to Jesus on this one.

1 Corinthians 13:13
"Three things will last forever-- faith, hope, and love-- and the greatest of these is LOVE!

Is anybody with me???

So you want to be a parent...

My kids are home from school today.  It is brilliant planning by the school system.  Schedule an in-service day on the day after trick-or-treating.  I know, I know...the teachers are saying, "It is STILL a work day for us."  And I agree.  But, see...I've been a teacher.  I've been through in-service days.  So, I know that while you must sit through meetings and try desperately to stay awake. (or grade papers on the sly)  You also get to sit in the quiet, use your brain for the greater good, eat lunch out with your friends, and GET PAID!  LOL  I love you, teacher friends!!!

Over here in crazy land, it is a completely different scene. 

Will the police come if the domestic dispute is between five siblings?

The kids are so jacked up that even the 70lb dog is hiding.

I wouldn't trade a minute of my life with anyone.  Yes, I actually ran through a few names to make sure that statement was accurate.  If I gave up the insanity, I'd also give up the joy.

I recently saw some tweets from a young girl about her intense desire to have "BABIES".

I shut down my phone and shook my head.  "People have no idea what parenting is really about."

But then I remembered that NEITHER DID I!

I was that girl fifteen years ago.  I'm sure there were plenty of people shaking their heads at me.  You know what I thought parenting was about before having kids?  I thought it was about dressing them in cute clothes and taking them places.  Yeah...I was an idiot.

It has taken me fourteen years to learn what parenting is about and I know I have years of growing and learning to go.  If I could tell the young version of me anything about what was to come...I would keep my big mouth shut!  :)  'Cause I wouldn't want to freak my young self out!

The idea of holding five fragile lives in my hands is almost too much for me to process even now.  They each have unique personalities and interests.  Some days they make me so proud.  And other days they make me think I've failed.  How could I have had the courage to take that on if I knew what was coming.  The details...oh, the details.  One hates peanut butter, one loves skinny jeans.  One has fears that I'll never fully understand, and one lives to PUSH EVERY BUTTON YOU HAVE.  One loves justice, another lives with his foot dangling across "the line." The meals, the laundry, the messy rooms, the messy life, the noise, the chaos, the toys, the birthdays, the holidays, the cost.

The COST.  What has been the cost of parenting for me?  

I posted a statement on facebook the other day and got some really funny and poignant answers.  I simply wrote:  Parenting is:  and asked people to fill in the blank.  My favorite answer was ...Parenting is: a reason to take up drinking and smoking.  LOL!  I needed that laugh!

But, I got so many reminders of what parenting does for me.  

It refines me.  It takes the selfishness I have and crushes it like an avalanche.  It forces me to think of someone else before myself.  It has pushed me to look at people differently.  The old me would have judged people by the way they dress, or talk.  The parent in me realizes that those differences are a gift. And lets be honest.  It has actually made me a little bit more amazing.  The old me would require complete silence to write a blog post.  I just wrote this one while the dog ran in circles under my desk, two kids had a sword fight and there are two devices playing different songs in the background.  

For those of you that have already raised teenagers, DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT tell me what's coming at me! ;)  I'd rather stay blissfully in the dark!